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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 10-31-09, 08:50 AM Thread Starter
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Default Death Bay - An Inquisitor FanFiction-

Death Bay -A Warhammer 40,000 fan fiction-
Chapter 01: Boarding Party

“Boss, We have been set a new mission,” the four-foot Ratling, Samerwing, bowed to the burly Inquisitor of the Ordo Xenos as he entered the pilot compartment of the Inquisitor’s personal spacecraft, an old Mark I Thunder hawk Gunship that had gone under years of transformation, from a rugged transport carrier of the Ultramarines chapter – to a living head quarters for The Inquisitor Dormund Arbestech.

“At last – ever since the Derogah Crusade five years ago, I’ve been wondering why the Ordo has kept us off missions,” responded Dormund, speaking in a heavy accent, which could easily have been recognised as a voice of a man from Macragge, home of the Ultramarines and of the Inquisitor.

“Yeah, but the problem is boss, it’s a Bigge,” Samerwing replied, taking out a sheet of paper, stamped with seal of the Inquisition, and began reading. “Inquisitor, these are dark times for the Imperium of the Eastern Fringe – The blasphemy of the Tau Empire has started a new offensive, as well as the Orks from the twin worlds of Thorn and Aruman. The Techpreists of Mars have requested that you retrieve a Relic, said to be lost on the Ork held world of Jarud Prime during the times of the Heresy. The Relic is a Warhound Titan head from the Titan that fell during the defence of Jarud Prime from the brutal invasion from an unknown traitor legion. The Titan head is of utmost importance, rumoured by the surviving locals to contain designs of a weapon that can destroy entire systems. This will be a hard task Inquisitor, so you are blessed with the luck of the Emperor, Inquisitor, and have all the resources in the galaxy at your command. Use them wisely.”

“Dammit, no so much as an easy mission as I’d hoped,” Arbestech grimaced, taking out a sheet of notes, written in ink, and slamming them on a nearby table. "Apparently the 120th Voystran Firstborn still holds out in the captial city - Bay of Conquest. We should be able to make contact with them upon arrival."

“But there’s more, boss. Captain Jarust of the Raven Guard 5th Company has agreed to help your cause – and should be arriving on Jarud Prime by the time we land,” Samerwing informed the Inquisitor.

“What was that?” asked Arbestech as the ship shuddered violently.

Samerwing turned to see an elegant ship appear out of nowhere, and a beautiful figure materialised in front of them. Suddenly, before the Inquisitor and his assistant knew it, they were pinned up against the wall by a sleek Eldar blade. “Who the bloody hell are you?” spat Samerwing.

“I am the Farseer Islundi of the Biel-Tan craftworld,” Islundi spoke. “I have come with a word of warning, concerning your mission.”

“I thought our mission was top secret,” replied Arbestech grimly.

“I have my resources,” Islundi replied. “Now... You will need all the help you will be able to get, Inquisitor – for this isn’t any ordinary Ork held world – Jarud Prime is a Tomb World.”

“A Necron Tomb World?” asked Samerwing. “I think Our Mission’s going to be harder than expected, boss.”

Last edited by Bane_of_Kings; 10-31-09 at 11:39 AM.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-01-09, 05:04 AM
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The humor at the end was rather enjoyable...

Comment: You used so many words in a sentence...

“At last – ever since the Derogah Crusade five years ago, I’ve been wondering why the Ordo has kept us off missions,” responded Dormund, speaking in a heavy accent, which could easily have been recognised as a voice of a man from Macragge, home of the Ultramarines and of the Inquisitor.

(Edited)
“At last – ever since the Derogah Crusade five years ago, I’ve been wondering why the Ordo has kept us off missions,” responded Dormund, speaking with the accent of Maccrage, citing his origin.


Comment: This sentence is just too long...
“Boss, We have been set a new mission,” the four-foot Ratling, Samerwing, bowed to the burly Inquisitor of the Ordo Xenos as he entered the pilot compartment of the Inquisitor’s personal spacecraft, an old Mark I Thunder hawk Gunship that had gone under years of transformation, from a rugged transport carrier of the Ultramarines chapter – to a living head quarters for The Inquisitor Dormund Arbestech.

(Edited)
“Boss, We have been set a new mission,” the four-foot Ratling, Samerwing, bowed to the burly Inquisitor of the Ordo Xenos as he entered the pilot compartment of the Inquisitor’s personal spacecraft. It was an old Mark I Thunder hawk Gunship that had gone under years of transformation; from a rugged transport carrier of the Ultramarines chapter – to a living head quarters for The Inquisitor Dormund Arbestech.


Oh and one more thing.... REP!!!!..
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-01-09, 07:04 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the rep and your feedback. Here's Chapter Two:

Death Bay -A Warhammer 40,000 fan fiction-
Chapter 02: Ork Assault

“You will need all the help you can get, Inquisitor,” Islundi replied, lowering her sword from his neck.

“By the Emperor, You shall not help me. That would mean me forsaking the holy Emperor, Alien. And that is something That I shall never, ever do,” spat Arbestech.

“A Time Will Come when you will embrace us as allies,” Islundi replied. “Until that time, Inquisitor.”

“I will never ally with you,” Arbestech replied. “My Brother, Leo Arbestech was a member of the Ultramarines first company. He died protecting Orar’s Tomb from the Eldar! Do you think I would join with the creatures that murdered my brother?”

“It was his fate,” Islundi replied, before vanishing into thin air.

***
Down on the planet, the Ork Warboss Killcrusher, noticed a ship circling above the doomed City. “This iz wat weev’e been waiting for!” bellowed Killcrusher to the thousands of Evil Sunz behind him, mounted on their warbikes and Trukks. Killcrusher himself was mounted on his own Warbike, a towering three-wheeled bike created by his finest Mek. And of course, it was painted red - because every Ork knows that 'da Red wunz go fasta'. He looked up to see three Stompas crush though the trees, flattening some of his own boyz underfoot. Killcrusher chuckled to himself, before bellowing to his brethren. “We will beat dis humie scum, we will smash diz city, an’ I don’ care how, many boyz it takez me to do it! WAAAGGGHHH!”

“WAAAGGGHHH!” bellowed all of the Orks around him, kicking their bikes into gear and accelerating their Trukks.

“Race ya there,” Killcrusher yelled, kicking the turbo boost in his bike into gear, accelerating ahead of the Ork line.

***
Veteran Guardsman Lenxhac was positioned on the walls surrounding the city, when he saw the Xenos emerge from the jungle, launching a renewed assault on the city. He looked down below him to the dense network of trenches below, thankful that he wasn’t one of the poor souls down there, victims of the earliest Ork bullets. Suddenly, there was a massive explosion, and he could see three giant Ork Stompas, painted red to match the colour of the Evil Sunz, charge forward. “By the Emperor,” Lenxhac cursed, squinting his eyes to see a torrent of missiles hit the trenches. Several bodies were flung out of the trenches, life leaving their faces. For a moment, he looked down to the spaceport behind him and could see two new figures walking towards the great gate of the Bay of Conquest. ‘By the Emperor, it’s the Inquisitor Arbestech’. Guardsman Lenxhac had heard all about the Inquisitor’s exploits, participating the famous Derogah Crusade, where the he single-handedly closed the rift between the Warp and the planet Carn. He also heard about how the Inquisitor, with help from his loyal Ratling assistant, Samerwing, destroy an Ork Gargant.

Suddenly, Lenxhac cried out in pain as a grot-guided missile hit the floor just in front of him, the blast sending him back off the building to his death.
If Lenxhac had remained alive a little longer, he would have seen two Ork Gargants flatten the trees outside the city.

Last edited by Bane_of_Kings; 11-08-09 at 07:10 PM. Reason: Add in Chapter Two
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-08-09, 07:08 PM Thread Starter
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Any thoughts on my new chapter? I need at least a comment before I post Chapter Two.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-09-09, 06:57 AM
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Why did you kill the guardsman?.... Hahaha.. Thought he was gonna be the hero or soomething... ...
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