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post #1 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-18-09, 03:26 AM Thread Starter
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chapter one : planet fall




The engines of the Valkyrie roared as the men of alpha squad reached their destination. The pilot calls Batista as the doors open slowly "thank you all for flying air airman I am not responsible for the death of any renegades who attack." Batista flashes a grin to the Sergent before saying to Duncan "we going or what man." the chimera wheels out of the back of the Valkyrie. Duncan starts to drive the chimera to base. "hey why in the hell couldn't the Valkyrie land in base?" Vladimir blurts out, " because the renegades got a hold of some and didn't paint over them so the hydras will shoot anything" rob explains.

the men arrive at the base about 25 minutes later and are greeted by lord commissar Octavius. the men set up in the barracks and the next morning are awakened by a loud siren and the battle cry of 60 renegade guardsmen josh hastily jumps out of bed grabs his Armour, a stubgun and 4 magazines before darting towards the motor pool Duncan and Steve soon do the same Vlad and Sean follow and as soon as they get there the garage door is blown apart josh while yelling empty's a clip into the smoke, as soon as the smoke clears 5 bodies hit the floor. As the renegades charge in they are gunned down by the five men.

meanwhile in the front of the base the others and 40 men are holding off the attack then suddenly 4 silver and red drop pods hit the planet like meteorites. the doors open and the space marines of the legion of the emperor's fury march out guns blasting and every time a renegade is hit their bodies make a cracking noise as their skin is blasted of and a pink mist follows them as they fall. meanwhile in the motor pool josh ask "how many did we kill?" Steve replies "I'm out of ammo so id say thirty" end ch1






Ch2: We Are Legion!


"Ah Lord Commissar Octavius, a pleasure to meet you" the large space marine said to the lord Commissar. "as it is to you sir" he replies. the space marine was captain Leonidas of the legion of the emperors fury 1st company. he was armed with a storm bolter and a lightning claw, his right hand Alexander was veteran Sergent of the stern-guard as Alexander was walking through the trenches, he saw all the wounded guardsmen who were too close to death to save. he removed his helmet to reveal a face of sadness and guilt. " ALEXANDER!" called out Leonidas "get your men and get over here."


back in the barracks the men of alpha squad start preparing for another attack as the senior officer walks in the room. " we need to fight back" the officer says to the men of alpha squad with a vindictive tone. "I am sending you, 80 men, two Valkyries and 5 leman russes, it will be a glorious day; we will crush them outright! you have your orders; go, now kill them all!" the men ride in airman's custom Valkyrie as they reach the L.Z. a rocket hits a wing causing it to crash in a nearby village .

" fuck......... shit.......the hell? airman! you OK?" rob calls out but there is no answer the men check the cockpit but only his co-pilot is there; dead with a bullet in the brain as the men continue they hear insane mumblings. " Ashran Ashran hes Ashran the mad" "sarge you hear that?" rich says with an anxious tone
"yeah, what is that?"moment later the men see the fighting up ahead but before they can make a move a mad man leaps from the balcony of a building screaming "SURPRISE!" the men fire at him missing every time but once which hit him in the leg.

the man dives into a building and comes out with airman's head on the tip of his autogun! using it as a puppet he says "hay guys its me how are you?" before laughing and blasting it to pieces. the men open fire once more but the mad man escapes just after killing Rob the follow this time Xavier burns the man as he dies in a horrific death. end2

Ch3: onward TO WAR!


"do you think he's dead?" Sean says solemnly "yeah no one survives 8 rounds to the chest." Bryce says back. the men leave Rob's corpse to continue the battle. the men charge through the village to the main army. "why isn't the chimera here?!"Sean asks "josh is getting honors for killing 17 renegades single handed."the sarge says.


when they reach the battlefront three renegade ogryns burst through a nearby wall killing 12 men. the mass of solders kill two of them but the leader has Vlad in his hands, suddenly the ogryn's head explodes! the solders look to see the source of this and see ten large hooded figures marching towards the building the renegades have holed up in killing all in their path.


The men charge letting out a viscous battle cry. The leman russes blast a hole in a wall of the building, the men charge in firing in random directions killing many of the renegades and their own men. They see a figure in a crimson skull helmet about the size of the space marines leaping out of a window. "WE WON!!!" yells the lord commissar.

end ch3


ch4: what in his holy name?


as the men march back to base they see a massive figure in the distance at least 80-90 feet tall. as the men get closer they realize that it is a reaver titan they see the name"Kronos" on its right shinguard. outraged, the lord commissar walks up to Leonidas yelling"what the heck do you think your doing we just won why do we need a reaver!" "because that red headed figure was the crimson skull wherever he goes the head rippers are sure to be near! also this is now the fortress monastery of the legion of the emperor's fury." outraged the lord commissar takes the men back to the village they took from the renegades.

as they reach the village they notice that the others that were at the base are now set up. josh working on his chimera is mumbling swear words, the stormtroopers are shooting the dead who are now lined up like a shooting gallery.then the senior officer says to alpha squad" I am sending you along with the stormtroopers to find and kill this crimson skull he is a menace and must be put down!" the men reach their destination. it appears to be empty, tired Batista takes off the vox and sits down and starts to talk."you know those marines don't give a grox's butt about us, just about themselves, its how they make them, those bastards!" just as he stands up a very loud gunshot is heard Batista looks down at his chest and sees a bullet hole, before falling over he says "no regrets."

the men run for the nearby building but are ambushed and Sean is killed by a autogun round to the head. then jack is killed by a falling floor section Bryce is shot twice in the chest by a stubgun. the Sergent then holsters his boltpistol and punches a hole through a renegade's chest with his bionic arm, then he cuts one in half with his power sword. and then the crimson skull points his bolt pistol at the sergeant's head ordering all of the men to stand down they are brought to the next room where they see the dead bodies of the storm troopers. they are ordered to kneel then they notice that there are only four of them Davis must be dead! moments later they haul him in, looking lifeless they assume the worst.

the sergeant says to the crimson skull "kill me but promise you wont kill my men."
"I promise I am a champion of khorne not tzeentch" he asks for one of the renegade's stubguns and shoots the sergeant in the head. he tells the men to run. and then leaves.


then just before the renegades leave they hear Davis"Fuck h-help me I swear to the god emperor I will kill you a-all" one of the renegades feels sorry for him and walks towards him the other say"you 12th regiment softies are all the same" and walks away. the renegade kneels down to him as davis say"P-please I dont want to die i haven't proven myself yet" the renegade whispers"you will"

end 4


CH 5: the three views

"ugh....where the fuck am I?" Davis says with a confused tone. Davis then sees a renegade standing over him and realizes that he is on a dissection table. "H.HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME"He screams at the madman standing over him. "SHIT, pump more sedatives were not done here." he says to his assistants. Davis goes into a comatose state once more.

meanwhile back at camp the three men who survived the last mission just arrive in time to greet the space marines. who have assisted in setting up the camp. "My apologies for Leonidas he thinks that your kind just gets in the way." Alexander says to the lord commissar."Apologies accepted." Octavius says back before telling the men that since they've had so many losses they'll have to join theta squad. Vlad storms off angrily and Rich runs after him.

meanwhile; at the scene of the battle Bryce crawls away to a safer spot before tending to his wounds "aw crap how am I getting out of here."

end ch5



CH6: The Fate Of Davis


Davis wakes up in a barracks area. "It..it was all a dream wasn't it..... Hey guys I had the weirdest HOLY crap!" Davis is surprised by the fact that instead of finding his squadmates he sees four renegades, two playing cards and the other two still sleeping. almost immediately three more men run in to see the commotion. "the new blood is unsettled. his scar is still fresh." "scar?" Davis says to himself while rubbing his fore head, he then feels blood run down his face. "Here's a mirror new blood." one of them says while handing Davis a mirror, he sees in horror the skull rune of khorne cut into his head.

"Come now we must get you initiated. To the main hall!" Davis is taken to the hall of blood, where a viewing of Lord Bloodrayne beating the Crimson skull half to death is taking place. " YOU LET THEM GET AWAY!? I SHALL BEAT YOU UNTIL KHORNE GETS HIS BLOOD!" bloodrayne absolutely thrashes him, every time bloodrayne hits, it dents crimson skull's Armour. After beating him half to death the chaos marine looks up and says:"now lets get this ceremony started End6

Last edited by Broguts; 11-29-09 at 12:03 AM.
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post #2 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-19-09, 04:16 AM
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it reads sort of like a screen play, with the short chapters and not too many details. However, i dare say i like it! keep up the good work, can't wait to read more!

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post #3 of 29 (permalink) Old 10-31-09, 06:33 PM Thread Starter
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Ch7: In the flesh?

The men are brought forward as a massive cauldron with the distinct smell of iron begins to fill the air. The new bloods of this renegade regiment are told to let their scars bleed into the bloody cauldron. After doing so the ceremony is ended with a live sacrifice of a traitor. Afterward Davis walks through the corridors. As he is walking, he hears a commotion coming from one of the rooms. Davis gets closer and reads on the wall "Ashran the mad (and tinkerer)" a renegade walks out of the room looking very pleased and toying with his arm. He makes a thrust forward releasing a blade from the brace on his arm. Davis walks into the room and sees Ashran! "But I thought Xavier killed you!" Ashran says nothing as hes continues to tinker with springs ,triggers and what seems to be a massive autogun. Davis looks around the room with Ashran almost in a trance. Davis sees a sniper rifle with "Ashran the Mad" carved on it Davis is furious. He yells at Ashran "YOU MOTHER FUCKER I"LL KILL YOU!" Ashran flings Davis out of the room and yells "he was a lousy kill anyway!" END7
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post #4 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-29-09, 01:00 AM Thread Starter
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Ch8: The thin ice

"VLAD WAIT UP!" Rich yells as he pursues Corporal Vladimir. Vlad stops for a moment turns and yells "listen Rich I have nothing against you but I HATE hotshots and those theta squad vets are hotshots!" Rich stops and yells "but why? why do you hate guys trying to have a little fun and make their name at the same time?" Vlad moves on then writes something in his war journal. "It was two years ago: the day I learned to hate fuck ups." 43M 326Y: some planet in the ultima segmentim no-one remembers. It was a battle between us Valhallans and those fucking eldar. I was sergeant of a very renowned squad known as the unlucky sevens. the eldar had broken though to the inner sanctum. we were defending a manufactorm and they had broken though and Xavier wanted to be the hero and decided to burn some promethium barrels but winded up blinding me and scarring him sending us to this regiment.


"GUYS! GUYS!!!" called out their soon to be squadmate, Gerald. "Someone claiming to know you has arrived he's been pretty fucked up!" the men run over and see someone, its Bryce! But before they can chit chat a transmission comes though all the vox casters in the company receive a message. "Oi! is dis fing on? Good! Listen up ya gits iz Broguts da nid killa and youse umies is in da way of me untin so iz gots ta kill ya all!"

The men race to their battlements and kill wave after wave of orks after 4 or 5 waves the orks start to run away. The men celebrate for only seconds as a slasha stompa comes crashing from the horizon. End8



















Also I forgot to mention that the regiment is called the regiment rejects filled with with solders that the other regiments dont want but are to valuable. to kill the year is 42,328. the slip ups are because I had done a lesser, more droll story that was really bad but was read so there are references
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post #5 of 29 (permalink) Old 11-29-09, 04:52 AM Thread Starter
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Ch9: Another Brick In The Wall pt1

The men mount the battlements once more. Dumbfounded by the mechanical monstrosity that move toward them. "Russes to your positions!" called out the senior officer with a demanding tone. The tanks moved to a bombed out building and used it as a forward firing position. The stompa moved closer as did the ork army. The tanks bombarded the orks trying to force them back so they could focus on the stompa itself. as the stompa got closer fighta bommas started a run on the village, the hydras shot two down but one succeeded in destroying one of the tanks.


"Shit! some one take out that fighta bomma while the hydras reload!" Rich runs into the chapel nearby and retrieves a missile launcher and runs to the front line. he then waits for the fighta bomma to make another run and then fires the launcher. it hits! Rich calls to Vlad "hotshots aren't so bad now eh?" the plane turns into a flaming ramshackle crashing straight into the chapel killing two men "Fuck off Rich!". The solders hold out for a few minutes longer before a thunder hawk blasts off a chunk of the stompa.


"Right! Take that fucker down!" The leman russes hit it several times more finally bringing it to the ground! End 9

Last edited by Broguts; 12-23-09 at 02:27 AM.
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post #6 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-02-09, 02:12 AM Thread Starter
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Ch10: the happiest days of our lives

The stompa falls with a crash! Some orks lose heart and run well others stand by and continue the attack. All of a sudden a figure rips off the the top hatch and a very large ork comes out wearing leaves and camouflage that does not at all match the desert backdrop, he is also carrying a "Tree linked shoota" and his "Untin Stick. "I'Z ZOG-EAD DA BEST KAMMANNDA DAT DERES EVA BEEN!" He begins to slip away unnoticed while the battle ends.

"New priority men!" the lord commissar calls "Kill that fucking greenskin!"
the men scour the wreckage for clues as to where their base is.

Meanwhile in the renegade base: "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!!!" "Kill those fucking orks!" Davis opens fire on the orks killing a few. Then realizes its useless and runs towards the HQ where Ashran is sniping the orks one by one"One for me one for you one for me one for you" he repeats over and over. Bloodrayne walk towards Davis "Fight those orks or you'll be the next sacrifice!"End ch10
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post #7 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-05-09, 01:26 AM Thread Starter
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ch11: Another Brick in the Wall pt2

A slugga round grazes Ashran angering him greatly. " Oh thats it motherfucker!"
He throws his rifle to the dirt and pushes a lever on his arms, two massive blades shoot out! He leaps of a rock landing fists first into a nob.


Meanwhile back at the village: Alexander requests that the lord commissar return to the base. "You took it from us and now you want us to help you defend it!? Fuck you!" the lord commissar yells at the Adeptus Astartes. "If you accept you will have your base again." he replies. "And with your recent loss of the squad you call:The Royal Fusiliers from company C. You'll do good to accept."

Last edited by Broguts; 12-06-09 at 11:23 PM.
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post #8 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-05-09, 07:45 PM
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Hey thats an interestin story. i have to say though is that lord commissar had said that to a marine he would be a dead commissar
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post #9 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-06-09, 10:54 AM
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I must admit that im a little at odds with the screenplay style. Yet its fluid and very interesting

not taking anything off your creative flair but I would love to see this in more of a screen play format. Inspired me to an idea... hmmm.

Still excellent work.

kudos to lillian thorne for the awesome sig
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post #10 of 29 (permalink) Old 12-06-09, 09:24 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord Librarian Soth View Post
Hey thats an interestin story. i have to say though is that lord commissar had said that to a marine he would be a dead commissar
well they are a DA successor chapter so they've been disgraced twice not to mention Alexander is a very remorseful marine
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