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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-06-09, 07:27 PM Thread Starter
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Default Shadows Of Liberation

Right well here it goes at my 1st sequel this will be a carry from my story the Dead Of War. I will be trying out a 3rd person approach though. A breif out line of whats happened between the destruction of the battle ship and now.
Leon managed to struggle into an escape pod and he plummeted to the planet below. And so begins the Shadows Of Liberation.


__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ______________

The Shadows Of Liberation

Chapter 1 -Planet Fall

As the 'Emperors Retribution' Exploded above 'Telios Orion' a single escape pod spiralled out of the flames and entered the atmosphere. The metal pod smoked as it began to massively over-heat, a flaming trail followed the pod before it crashed into a remote part of Telios Orion. Upon impact and explosive shockwave tore apart all the foliage within ten metres. fire licked the tree trunks and the immense heat from the metal on the pod scorched the grass below it. Day turned to night several times before something emerged from the pod. It was four days said the internal computer within the escape pod, its internal design lacked interest, simple walls and four seats with seat belts and an internal computer was attached to the upper part of the pod. As the door blasted off, out came a dis-orientated soldier, he had no armour and not even a weapon, just grey fatigues covered with blood. He awoke inside the pod after blacking out onboard 'The Emperors Retribution' after his conflict with chaos. But something strange had happened, his horrific wounds had healed, nothing more than a scar now. The planet had something about it, he wasn't sure on what it was but it certainly had an effect.

He stumbled from the crash site, having four days less time to avoid any sort of enemy on the planet. He had short black hair and blue eyes, his skin was pale and his clothing dirty and grey. He wandered hungrily for a few more days before falling under a large tree, the trees on this world resembled those of this tropical dicksonias on his own world, a long skinny trunk with plume like leaves protruding from the top, a wirey hair covered the trunk, it bore a fruit also like the trees on his home-world. With his remaining energy he traversed the tall trunk of the tree and shook the leaves to drop the fruit to the ericaceous floor below. He climbed back down and wit ha rock he broke the hard exterior of the fruit, inside was a small amount of precious liquid, his hands shook as he lifted it to his mouth and drank from the fruit, he had three fruitsdoin the same from each quenched his thirst for now, he carved abit of the flesh out and continued deep into the jungle. After surviving on fruit for several weeks, he had grow a rather ugged beared and his hair was long and greasy. He wore a large leaf as a top as for the jungles predators not to smell the stained blood on his old fatigues. He had learnt to avoid the creatures of the night and found the best places to shelter from the monstrous rain fall that fell every night like clock work. Sneaking through the woods one night he started to hear a noise he hadn't heard before. Running water. He scuttled quicker and quicker, he tripped and fell face first into the floor, not caring for his injuries he continued towards the sound before reaching a cliff edge, he looked over it and looked at a beautiful cove light by the moons that orbited the planet, deep blue water rolled up onto the beach and carressed the sand before retreating back into the depths, as the water rolled up the beach, the man smiled to himself and by morning he had found his way down onto the beach. He took off his clothes and bathed for the first time since planet fall. Whilst swimming around the cove he saw something move in the foliage on the tree-line. He lowered his profile in the water and began to steathily swim back to shore. Before the bushes rustled again. He looked up onto the cliffside and saw a strange creature wearing armour and weilding a crossbow styled weapon. It was a humanoid creature. Its had clawed feet and similar fingers. The skin looked chitinous and it had black eyes from what he could see. feathery wings lumed behind its head. The creature crouched down before taking aim at the man swimming. A sharp whistling sound rung out as the bolt snapped out of the gun, it struck the water directly infront of the man, he grabbed the bolt to use as some sort of melee weapon, quickly returning to shore he grabbed his clothes and sprinted into the jungle. bolts whistling down into the jungle after him, all of the missed him luckily. Hiding in a bush grasping the bolt like a dagger he waited in ambush for the monster to follow him down into the jungle.
He knelt down completely concentrating on the ground before him. He laughed to himself inside as he saw the creature had followed him into the jungle, darting its head side to side it looked confused. He had a better look at it now, it had a shining breastplate covering its chest, a brilliant spiralling pattern decorated the armour and shoulder armour of a similar design was belted onto it. It had greaves on, the shining plates layered over one an other and a blade hung from its side. The gun was now also easier to distinguish, he was wrong. It was more like a rifle , it just fired bolts. A large cylinder shaped barrel held hundreds of bolts, so it could be fired rapidly. A deadly weapon indeed. Black in colour, the gun was truly a weapon of death.

As it wandered several foot away from the bush, the man smiled before it looked directly in his direction and smiled.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH" screamed the man as the bushed rustled an another one of the creatures grabbed him before dragging him off into the darkness of the jungle.

Last edited by Ste; 09-06-09 at 09:37 PM.
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-08-09, 04:24 PM
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kroot? cool story, I'm looking for more though

Please check out my painted and converted Dark Eldar Razorwing Fighter

And the accompanying tactica

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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-08-09, 09:13 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Lopspoon View Post
kroot? cool story, I'm looking for more though
Not Kroot, a new race. But what are you looking for? also there will be a ever evoling story line once it gets going i work nights though so i dont have much time to do it caus eim asleep during the day

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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-10-09, 11:54 PM
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good storyline but it is written like a historical acount for most of it. you skipped pass all the details of what he had done. i think you need to slow down and take it step by step. if this is a short story then thats fine but for the type of thing you describe to me you need to take more time to expand on what he has seen and felt ect.

black Templars Utopa Crusade of about 12000pts
for when you gota shoop da whoop
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