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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-24-09, 03:12 AM Thread Starter
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Default Attempts at liberation

First I would like to ask people not to laugh at the names I made because I'm horrible at comming up with names when all the names in warhammer 40k are ones I've never heard of.So please dont laugh.And can you please be nice this is my 1st story. I hope the format is ok.
So this is the first part of the story.

Charge!
Follow me men. Don’t take a step back. Lieutenant Vistel shouted.
Shit this isn’t good this isn’t good said Seves. Shut up rookie said Dant. Certhen and his squad mates ran as bolter shots zoomed through the air. Men were being hit all around them as they approached the hill. They hid behind a huge part of what may have once been a tank of some kind, it was hard to say.

They were storming a bunker on a hill with heavy bolters set up in it for the occupants to use.
Seves shouted “Oh my god Emperor this is madness it's hopeless we can’t” He was cut short.
Sergeant Marith shouted “Shut up, look at me. Alright men that bunker is spraying a lot of bolts now lets see if we can get up that hill!”
They ran out from behind the metal as two other men took cover behind it. As they ran one of the men, Shingle was hit in the chest with a bolt round. It ripped right through his flak armor. He died a few moments later.

Imperial Guard, Slalters 7329 Regiment, charge! Someone shouted, probably an over eager Captain.
Oh god another glory hound. Thought Certhen.

As the various squads got up the hill they approached a set of two trenches that were no more than 100 yards from the Bunker itself. As they passed another piece of what may have been a vehicle at one time Certhen saw a Guardsman behind it with a medic. He was shouting. “My legs I cant feel my legs!”
Remembered seeing a leg on the ground a second ago. As he looked up Chaos marines in the trenches opened fire with bolters as they got closer. Before any of the marines had fired even 3 times mortars opened fire on the trenches from a good distance away. The damn officers should have ordered them to fired earlier he thought.

As they got in range they opened fire and the mortars stopped and fired off in some other direction. As they got to the trenches firing at the chaos marines Marith shouted “Aim for the neck.” Sangra the squads plasma gunner didn’t listen and shot one in the head with her plasma gun. As they got close to the trench they grabbed some frag grenades and threw them and jumped into the trench. All the other guardsmen started to do so.

As they jumped in there was nothing but mud and blood. Certhen stabbed one chaos marine in the gut. They had all been taught the places where there were gaps in the power armor. The marine kicked him and the bayonet came out. As they fought Certhen stabbed him again and he fell to the ground in agony. Certhen then stabbed him in the neck.

Sergeant Marith grabbed the head of one Chaos marine who’s hands we busy strangling a guardsman and pull his head back exposing his neck and the next second his neck was cut off by Mariths chain sword.(he has super human strength he doesn’t need a weapon)
Just as they last Chaos marines were being killed they opened up on the trench right behind that one.

Grenades! Shouted Lieutenant Vistel. All of a sudden everyone was throwing grenades on both sides and picking them back up and throwing them back.
Certhen threw a grenade and then a chaos marine threw it back at him. He picked it up and threw it back as the marine. Then as the marine picked it up it went off killing him.

Must have been a manufacturing error. Certhen raised his lasgun and fired 4 shot at some of the marines in the other trench.
As everyone began shooting at them a Valkyrie flew over the bunker and dropped a hell strike missile on the bunker, destroying it. It flew around and Vertexa shouted into her voxcaster trench to your left were in the one to the right from the way your facing. She wasn’t the only one saying that. One of the officers aids started waving his banner to give them a reassurance as they got close to the ground. It came around and strafed the trench with it’s muti-lasers killing the last few chaos marines.

As the noise settled, Medicae! Was being shouted in various places.
Everyone stay sharp. We were lucky that Valkyrie flew over hear. The mortars are shooting at an enemy position in the forest over in the woods over there. I doubt those rebels will come out and help there dead friends.

Squad 186 regroup. They got together. Marith counted. He needed 9 to not have lost anyone. Doplan,Snagra,Seves,Certhen,Dant,Nobblenta,Vetexa… . Wait where is Queren? Asked Marith.
Oh shit. Dant said as he got out of the trench. Queren had been hit in the chest by a bolt round when they were about to enter the trench.

Crap this guy is still alive? asked one of the medics.
Is he gonna make it? Asked Dant.
Ok the bleeding has stopped, help me get him on this stretcher. Said the Medic.
Hey ass hole is he gonna make it? Asked Dant.
Yes I think he will but this poor bastard toughed it out with a bolter round to the chest. At least he fell on his back his organs could have fallen out. The medic said.
Ok Emperor protect you Queren. Said Dant.

Ok you guys and you two galls lets get your gear I just got word to go down into the little town over on the other side of these hills. Apparently this was a row of bunkers on all these hills till the PDF of this planet retreated from this area after some tough fighting. Were gonna look if those chaos bastards left anyone alive or have a slave prison they didn’t empty yet. Said Marith. The town was being protected so maybe something important is there or they haven’t finished sending slaves to there merchant ships up in space.

They looked up and saw another chaos Cruiser in the distance make it’s final landing it or the one the crew would probably ever see.
Can’t believe the space battle still isn’t over after all these months. Said Vertexa.
Believe it, now ladies and gentlemen lets go. Said Marith.

They got to the other side of the hill and descended with a few other squads. As they got closer to the town they saw it was in ruins and bodies were all over the place. Who could be left?

Is it ok?Feed back please.Also please be nice to me.

Last edited by snarst; 08-27-09 at 01:12 AM.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-25-09, 10:56 PM Thread Starter
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-28-09, 03:26 AM
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Let me start by saying that I enjoyed it. It was fun and light (at least for the 40k Universe) and the grenade throwing part made me laugh out loud. I think you've got the basics down.

However, to be truthful there are a few issues. First (and most importantly), grammar does more for a story then any amount of wonderful writing or catchy ideas. Throwing it in a word document before copying it to this site can do wonders for you. Second, your lore is a bit off. In the 40K universe if 9 IG run into a trench full of CSM all you would have left is blood and shredded flesh. If 50 IG run into a trench with 8 CSM then 9 might come out after the CSM get bombed. Additionally, CSM don't hunker down and let themselves be assaulted. They would come ripping out of the trench as fast as possible as soon as the IG got close.

Other then that I really liked it. Keep up the writing.


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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-28-09, 03:32 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks but maybe I should edit to make it clear there are more than 10 guys running up at the trench. Because there is way more than 10 guys. I dont think 10 guys would ever have any chance at killing csm's.

Last edited by snarst; 09-03-09 at 04:14 AM.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-28-09, 04:04 AM Thread Starter
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Default Part 2

Ok second part is now posted.

Sorry for any grammer erors but I usualy try to wait a day and go over the story more than once to make sure I didn't misspell or put an unneeded word or the wrong word in.

Ok part 2 will be more about exsplaining who the hell these people are and there background or at least some background.

As they walked down the hill they noticed the stench of dead bodies in the air.
“Oh god emperor.” Said Vertexa as she tried to cover her nose.

The group was a divers one. There were nine of them left. They were close to a constantly changing family with people constantly replaced.
In the group there was Marith, he was 34 or so, he was branched out from a noble family. That’s how he got the rank of sergeant on his first day. He had short black hair and brown eyes. Nobles tend to gain or loose power based on who they married. Marith’s grandfather was of a not very powerful noble and Marith's wife and his mother were ordinary folks so this was an end for there family being nobles unless his children married someone of noble blood, which would be valid for most based on the family‘s current position. He was the most experience in war of the bunch. He currently had no children and his wife had not been seen in years as he rarely had time to see her in person but they wrote each other often.
Doplan was the loose cannon who was unusually quiet today, which was unlike him. He has 3 children and was unmarried. He had black hair and brown eyes and was 28. He seemed pissed off but everything usually pissed him off. He always argued with the sergeant and got into trouble with the officers.
Then there was Sangra. She was blond and had beautiful blue eyes and 22 years old. She however was not what you’d expect as she was aggressive and was not from Slalters (there home planet) like the rest of them. Around 18 years ago the regiment was fighting on a jungle planet and she was an orphan and the regiment adopted her. She was the squads flamer but she usually used her plasma gun that she got at 19 as a gift.(You’ll see why in the next part)
Then there was Seves, the new guy in the group and quite a few had seen many like him come and go. He was one of those that wasn’t likely to live long or live to retire but there was still that chance that everyone had given up on. He was one of the children of the regiment and 19 fresh out of being a conscript and seen less fighting than most conscripts, which fought a good amount. He had brown hair and brown eyes and was nervous most of the time, as all his friends he grew up with died while fighting as conscripts.
Certhen had black hair and blue eyes and was 24 and was like all of them but Marith and Sengra, children of the regiment. His parents were dead like all but Marith’s and Seves parents.
Dant had sandy blond hair and green eyes. He was 20 and had was excellent at lobbing grenades. He was distant from all but Queren.
Noblenta had wanted to be a doctor when he was growing up but being born into the imperial guard with a regiment on the move constantly and being a bastard had no way of going to Slalters or any other planet for that matter. He was the closest thing to a medic when they were away from medical treatment or medics or when they were behind enemy lines on the rare occasion.
Queren was a good card player and grate at finding extra rations and drugs for those that wanted it and paid him. He commonly got ration packs or some officers delight they called it, which was food that only privileged officers got, like a home cooked meal such as beef or pork that was ready for cooking or something special.
Vertexa was the only other woman in the squad. She was 35 and had a husband and 2 children, she had brown hair and blue eyes. She was saving money to send them home to Slalters but her husband keeps bringing them to visit her because they want to see her rather than go to Slalters. She is the squads vox operator.

There regiment has the same patterned equipment as the cadians but have skulls instead of the cadian gates on there shoulder pad. As they got to the town entrance they saw a woman in her 40’s and a man in his early 20’s at the entrance. They were a sniper team. “Marith!” The woman shouted.
“Falstra!” Shouted Marith
“It’s been ages.” Said Marith
“This is my new spotter Drano.” Said Falstra
“We scouted out the town there are not Chaos forces but there seems to be some survivors, there not as stealthy as me. We‘ll cover the town from the towns bell tower incase anyone enters the town” Said Falstra.
“Thanks but don’t leave the other squads without support.” Said Marith
“Ok” Said Falstra.

As they spread out through the town they saw nothing but bodies and burnt corpses. Many people were killed in firing squads and others had been thrown on the fire while alive all for fun. There were obscure remarks and heresy written on many of the walls. They started to search from house to house only to find it empty or with old decayed corpses in them. As they entered the 15th or so house they heard some movement.

“Stay sharp.” Whispered Marith.
“Hello is anyone there? We are friends of the Imperium, we have come to liberate this town.” Said Marith
“There not gonna believe you. Come out were with the Imperial guard were not gonna hurt you, we have food and water. This isn‘t a trick. Please come out.” Said Doplan
“Wow that was much better.” Said Noblenta
“Shut up.” Said Doplan
They went into the next few rooms and saw someone hiding in a very dark space at the edge of a room.
“Come on out. We are friends.” Said Marith
“Please don’t, don’t hurt me.” Said the figure.
“Why would we hurt you? Now give me your hand.” Said Marith as he went up to it.
“No just go away.”
Marith pulled off cloak it’s cloak and he jumped back and yelled. “We got us a twist!”

Last edited by snarst; 08-28-09 at 04:12 AM.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-03-09, 04:12 AM Thread Starter
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Ok part 3

Hard to tell what to do with the twist. You'll find out what a twist is.

Took me days to decide what to do with it. So many different ways to go. So I went with a way to do dont know what happened to it.

Made this for anyone who may be reading this or has stumbled opon this story.

All of them shined there lap packs onto the twist, or at least those who didn‘t have a bayonet on there gun.(because the lamp pack would be blocked with that on) Twist was imperial guard slang for a mutant.

Marith drew his laspistol and pointed at it.
“Please don’t hurt me! I haven’t done anything!” It said.
It had green skin and it’s head was balled and it had sharp teeth, which probably was what startled Marith.
“Foul beast!” Shouted Doplan.
“Traitor!” Shouted Dant
“Please don’t kill me! I don’t worship the chaos gods.” It said.

Marith grabbed it and dragged it out side.

“No! No! Please no!” It begged over and over again.

Marith threw it to the ground.
“Get on your knees!” He shouted

2 other guard squads who were searching other houses had come out to watch.

“No please I beg of you I have never hurt another living creature.” It said on it’s knees holding onto Mariths fatigues.

Marith put his laspistol up to it’s head.

“Why kill me?” It asked quietly.

“Do you have any fucking idea how many fucking people are dead because of people like you?!!!!” Marith shouted at it.
“We just lost more than 50 people taking that hill up there!”
That is just one small battle, how many millions have died because of your chaos worshiping??!!!! He shouted.

“Just finish it sarg.!” Said Doplan
“I don’t worship the chaos gods. I was born like this.”
“Then you fucking die like the rest of the innocent people.” Marith said.
“Sarg we need to go!” Said Vertexa as she listen to the vox channel.
“What?” Said Marith
Just then a large explosion landed not to far from them. They all started to run as a vindicator barged its way through one of the houses near them.

“Holy shit!!!!” Screamed Vertexa, as all the squads scattered in various directions.
They took cover behind some ruble as one of the crew members shot at them with a bolter.
“Come out were waiting for you!” He shouted as he carelessly shot at the ruble.

“Keep our heads down!” Marith said
They all took a moment and ran around a corner just before the vindicators demolisher cannon blew the rubble to pieces. They ran and hid behind another piece of rubble in the street.

As they shot at the vindicator as it drove around the corner there chances of survival became evident.
“Give me a weapon I can help.” Said the Twist
“What! Like we’d ever give you a bleeding weapon.” Said Dant
“You can help. Run!!” Marith said as he pushed it out from the rubble.

As the Twist ran avoiding 5 shots being thrown at it the squad shot at the vindicator. Sangra’s plasma gun destroyed on of the treds. They then ran as a shot from the demolisher cannon missed them.

“Turn you idiots turn and shoot them with the cannon!” said the Marine on the heavy bolter.
“Damn! I’m gonna find you all and kill you in a slow painful ways you hear me slow and painful!” He said
“Fuck you!” said Dolan as he shot at him only to hit the vindicator.
“That was a guard squad how did we not kill then you incompetent idiots!” The marine said

As they ran up the hill they noticed that chaos forces, mostly rebels, were entering the town.
“Damn do we have to take that dirt hole back?” said Seves
“Yes.” said Vertexa
Later that night there were with other platoons preparing to take back the town when day broke but for now they were allowed to eat and rest. The top of the hill facing the town had heavy bolters set up with sand bags incase the rebel and chaos forces decided to take back the hill.

“I fold.” said Dant
“One more time before they ship me off to a medical tent to who knows where?” said Queren
“No. I’m done.” Said Dant
“So Sangra you gonna us the plasma gun tomorrow?” Said Certhen
“ Yep the plasma gun. My gift from dad.” she said

“I thought I told you to stop calling me that?” Said an officer

It was Capitan Volt. He was Sangra’s unofficial step father. Years ago when the regiment was fighting on a jungle planet, the name escaping most people, Sangra was found. She had lost her parents and Volt took care of her for the 1st few days she was with his platoon with him keeping her alive and safe until they got back to the rally point, and she always tried to warm up to him but he didn‘t like it, mainly because he couldn’t have any kids of his own and she always thought of him as dad. He gave her the plasma gun she had, it belonged to his family and he had no one to give it to.

“Are you always gonna be like that.” said Sangra
“One more act like that guardsmen and I’ll put you on latrine duty.” said Capitan Volt
“I’m a woman!” said Sangra
“I’m off I have more important maters to attend to.” said Capitan Volt
“Well I hope you don’t die.” said Certhen
“How sweet, but I never die. I haven’t died in the years I’ve been with you so don’t worry.” she said
“Right I’m going to bed” Certhen said

As he walked to his tent he saw Maith fighting with Doplan again. He was drunk.
“Doplan you are not shooting the ammo box!” Marith
“I’m just gonna shoot the old bitch and be on my way.” he slurred.
“ Get to bed before you hurt someone, and give me your gun.” said Marith

He was obliviously drunk off his head. Certhen went to sleep and prayed to the god emperor he would not be one of those dozens dead tomorrow.

Last edited by snarst; 09-05-09 at 08:12 PM.
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-05-09, 11:58 PM
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I was going to make a statement about your use of quotation marks, or rather the lack thereof, but you fixed it. It looks very good, and I enjoy it! You aren't horrible at coming up with names either, by the way, they seem just fine.

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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-06-09, 12:45 AM
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the quotation marks make all the difference.
It is now a solid piece that i will keep an eye on in the future

kudos to lillian thorne for the awesome sig
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-06-09, 01:08 AM
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Looking pretty nice so far, Snarst, I'm liking it. Seems like you've got it down now, so I'll leave it at good work.

EDIT: REP

“Evil is relative…You can’t hang a sign on it. You can’t touch it or taste it or cut it with a sword. Evil depends on where you are standing, pointing your indicting finger.”
-Glen Cook, The Black Company


Tales of Heroism and Bravery, in the 41st Millennium and the Old World. Perhaps some Realm Gate Wars in the future .

Gods' Hall (Completed)
https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/...d.php?t=161618

The New Word (Completed)
https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/...d.php?t=121879

Last edited by Myen'Tal; 09-08-09 at 10:22 PM.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 09-07-09, 01:10 AM Thread Starter
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Ok part 4 I'm not sure how far this story will go but I guess I'll just see where this leads. I will stop this thred if they leave the planet there on now, but I haven't made the entire story yet.

Part 4



Shortly after breakfast the men stood ready as a basilisk pounded the town. The new squad member was Garax. He had blond hair and blue eyes and was one of those who had lost his squad and was already fully trained.

“All right the town will be shelled and when were done with that all you troops need to do is go into town and kill every last heretic you see. You will be supported by storm troopers. They will be in charge of taking the town square so if you can make your way there and help them that would help our success. The same boys were on a mission last night to gather intelligence and they have 3 vehicles in town so you wont need to worry about anti armor weapons being available unless your unlucky.” said Major Rand

“Ok men forward march!” said Lieutenant Vistal as the basilisk started to shell the town square which was where there HQ had been set up.

As they got down the hill they started to run as laser shots started to land around them.
“Fire!” Lieutenant Vistal shouted.
Men opened up with the lasguns and other weapons.
“Die heretics!” shouted one of the other guardsmen.
“For the gods!!!” shouted a well dressed figure leading a small group of men straight towards them. It was clear that they were not as well trained or equipped as the guard. Most of them were not very good shots.
“Advance!” shouted Lieutenant Vistal
They quickly killed the forward defenses and advanced into the town. They saw a large group of heretics coming at them firing as much as they could at them.
Certhen aimed and shot on heretic in the throat. Just then Garax was shot in the face and landed onto of him. Certhen threw his corps of his back and fired 3 more shots into the crowd of heretics. A moment later Dant fell over dead.
“Move men!” voxed lieutenant Vistal who was safely using his men as a shield.

The 36 or so men in there platoon that were left advanced into a market area where heavy stubbers had been set up. They ran straight into the oncoming shots. Doplan fired 2 shots at the men manning heavy stubber killing them both. Sangra was then shot in the leg and fell on the ground and screamed in pain.
Another platoon ran into the market and fired on the heretics.
Just then a tank ran into the square. It was a tank no one recognized. It was similar to a leman Russ but was bigger and slower with a bad engine and it’s turret and body were flatter. A shot fired from it’s battle cannon killing most people in the other platoon and it’s auto cannon then fired on there platoon killing Dant as well as a few other guardsmen.

Certhen grabbed Sangra and started to drag her away from the tank as it started coming at them. One of Vitals staff aimed his melta gun at it and shouted Purge the heretics!! The shot went through the tanks and the tank exploded as the ammo and fuel detonated.
“Don’t run away. Advance, we’ve broken there back!” voxed Vistal
Seves picked up his lasgun which he dropped when the battle cannon fired. Certhen put Sangra down and advanced with the rest of the two platoons. 1st Lieutenant Xadan who was in charge of the other platoon voxed. “Take my men I’ll secure the market. We’ll treat anyone who is still alive.” They ran into the town square and saw 6 storm troopers holding back a counter attack on the square but the rebels were mostly bad shots and there weren’t many left. In the square there was a chimera and a vindicator, they were both destroyed from the basilisks shells. The square was full of dead and a few wounded guardsmen and women. Vistals personal medic began treating the wounded.
“Get behind those barricades! Shoot every heretic that try’s to retake this square. Marith looked up at the bell tower and saw someone firing shots down at the heretics running away and towards the square. They had become so disorganized they didn’t know if they were retreating or counterattacking. Then 2 chimeras rolled into the square and stopped in center. Then Major Rand came out of the top hatch on the rear of the chimera.

“You ummVistal tell Capitan Volt to set up a command center hear and is in charge until I get back. Common lets get the rest of these heretics!” He said before the Chimeras drove off.
“Medic!. Where are the medics we need medics there are so many wounded.” Voxed Vertexa.

“This is Capitan Volt non combat medics get to the town and set up a medical station.” voxed Capitan Volt.

“Capitan Volt Major Rand said to set up a command post in the square and your in charge till he gets back.” said Vistal as Capitan Volt entered the square.

“Ok men get some rest and help get some wounded to the square were setting up the medical station in that doctors office over there.” He said as he pointed to a doctors office next to the town hall.
“Vistal and Xadan come with me were setting up the command post in the town hall.” He said.

Certhen went back to Sangra in the market. Certhen went over and helped her up.
“Can you stand on your left leg?” he asked
“Ya I think so.” she said.
He carried her to the doctors office and let the medics take care of her. Queren was busy sitting on the steps of the town hall. Certhen went up to him.
“How are you doing?” he asked
“Dant is dead.” he said
“I know.” said Certhen
“ You want a lho stick?” he asked
“Sure.” said Certhen. He took it and started smoking.
“Bread?” asked Queren
Certhen took the bread and started eating it.
“Got that from the baker over there.” he said
“Got anything special?” asked Certhen
“I….just happen…to have some Ohxolosvennoy with me.” He said
Ohxolosvennoy was a thick, salty beverage similar to coffee made from the powdered bones of Grox (An aggressive and vicious reptilian animal kept as livestock) and various stimulants and preservatives.
Certhen drank some.

Later after hours of talking and being on guard duty Doplan decided to look around the ruined town. He hoped to find something that would be valuable. He saw what was a jewelry store. It had some jewels behind it’s broken window.

“I don’t believe it. All of this left over.”

He smiled and started loading all of it into his pant pockets. He started looking through all the other houses and stores as well. This was to easy, on Slalters, there home world it would never have been this easy. The place was a hive world and everything valuable was hidden well and protected. And the many street gangs would have looted the entire city clean in the event of people leaving anything behind. Of his many treasures he found, some money, jewels, which were worth a lot, 4 lho sticks, a necklace, a few gold coins, a few rings from some bodies and some alcoholic drinks. He sat on a bed to see what he had and take a rest and drink.
He looked at a picture of a family who had lived in that house before, they seemed happy. It was then he realized that they were much happier than him. He then longed to be happier than he was. All his life was war. And he had spent some time on Slalters for a few years before his aunt and uncle sent him back to his parents because they needed to make room for there child that they were finally having. He had 3 children and 3 girlfriends and he was never truly happy in his life or at least he felt that way.
Doplan turned around and aimed his lasgun down the hall, he had noticed the quiet sound of foot steps. He drank the last of his bottle he packed up his loot. He slowly walked out into the hall. He went into the next bed room. He walked in the room and looked under the bed. What he saw was a child.
“Hey there. Come out, I’m not going to hurt you.”
The child then gave a hiss at him.
“No come out. Wait you must be thirsty.” he said as he tried to pass the child his canteen.

He poured a little on the ground and held it to the child. She snatched it out of his hand. As she drank he snapped a ration bar in half and gave half of it to her. He lured her out with the second half.
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