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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-06-09, 01:24 PM Thread Starter
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Default One last breath

A red sun loomed over the battlefield, he knew his fate was coming. The great devourer was coming for him, yet he knew this but he felt no fear. He looked down at his armor, covered in his blood and that of his brethren and his foes. He checked his ammunition for his shuriken pistol, only one clip. His power sword is the only thing he could rely on and his warp pack would help him strike when least expected. If he was to die then he will die fighting, his power sword cutting through the Tyranid hides whilst screaming the name of Alaitoc, with the blood of Khaine flowing through his veins as molten iron, he will die with his inhuman green eyes glaring at his enemies. He knew from this day on his name will be spoken amongst the seers and warriors of alaitoc, Ymgadriesh Spiritblade the hunter. He heard the Tyrant's roar, now was the time his fate will come. He lashed out of the materium and struck as sure as the Bloody-handed god himself at the the massive creature. As soon as he flashed back into existance he felt a blade pierce through his gut, he knows what will happen. The Tyrant drew the Autarch closer to it's gaping mouth. Through the searing agony of his wounds he found enough strength to plunge his sword into the foul beasts head. The creatures death knell screeched throughout the battlefield and threw Ymgadriesh from it's talon. Knowing his part was filled he closed his eyes and the world grew dark.

When the sky falls down, The Dead sleep no more. Can you survive as your world slowly tears itself apart?

"When life gives you lemons...BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD"
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-06-09, 01:39 PM
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Very effective imagery, I can see this playing as clear as the sky in my mind. Very well done, Farseer Ulthris. Keep up the good work and +rep!

"You doubt my loyalty to the God-Emperor? How dare you accuse me of consorting with Daemons!"
- Crimson Fists

Pedro, once the most feared Daemon in the Warp, why not drop in and say hi to the retired Daemon and his mates?
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 08-06-09, 02:47 PM
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It was good... But can you divide your future works into paragraphs?... It really is hard for us readers to scan through a work of this kind... Make no mistake, I like it... It's just because this simple thing tends to keep readers from scanning and enjoying a work that's been created from the sweat and brow of a young and enthusiastic author... Kudos for such a unique fluff (because it's about an Eldar) and I expect more of your works in the future... Oh and uhmmm... Rep+...
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