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post #11 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-21-09, 11:08 PM Thread Starter
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I'm thinkin its pretty good so far buddy. Keep it up yeah? a bit less flowery though maybe.
first off thanks for the support. And you think i'm putting too much description into it? sorry, i spent 5 years of my life with my english teacher threatening to hit me if i didn't put in more description!

Spose i just gotts try and find a healthy balance. anyway, next chapter bit of a long one i'm afraid.

Chapter 4- Grim Discovery
The Valkyrie screamed through the air, following the course that Bravo’s Valkyrie had before its engine troubles. In the back the mood was subdued, Barry checked his equipment repeatedly, Chris was studying a picture of his little sister Claire who had joined a pirate fleet rather then study at the Schola Progenium as he did when their parents died. Wesker was glaring at the sheaf of documents he had grabbed back at the Arbites base.

“Sir? What’s that you’re reading?” Jill asked partly to alleviate the boredom, partly out of curiosity

“The reports that brought Bravo out here in the first place, and no you may not read them before you ask.” the captain snapped back.

Sensing the not to subtle way of ending the conversation Jill began to go through her ritual of praying to the emperor that she went through whenever she was troubled.

something’s not right, I can feel it, why are we, the best soldiers the imperial guard has to offer, searching for a group of lost pigs? She thought angrily
and what is with the Captain? He is usually so calm but he seems to be agitated for some reason, what is

“Okay ladies, we’re entering the mission area, I have a fix on the LZ” Brad interrupted Jill’s thoughts over the intercom.

“Whoa, I think I found where she went down folks, look out you portside now.” Brad instructed.

Chris leant over and yanked open the side access hatch and the squad all gathered around for a peek out of it. The stench of burning promethium filled the air as they stared out at the devastation, the fuel left in the Valkyries detached wing had apparently ignited and burnt down a large amount of the surrounding trees, leaving a large circle of ash and debris with a single straight line of destroyed trees leading off into the forest.

“Brad!” the captain suddenly shouted spooking the pilot, causing the Valkyrie to lurch sideways

“What!?” Brad responded, shock lending his voice a higher tone then normal

“Here looks like a good LZ, we’ll be able to follow the trail of trees to Bravo’s position” the Captain stated

“Well if you’re sure, setting her down, hold on folks” Brad replied as he started the landing procedure.

The Valkyrie slowly descended, the undercarriage vents blowing ash and sparks up around itself. With a loud click the landing gear descended and locked into place, the Valkyrie landing softly on the ground while the squad leaped put of the still open portside hatch. As each member leapt out of the Valkyrie, they charged into a well-rehearsed formation, each man covering a direction with his Hellgun.

“Wait here or die” Wesker warned Brad leaving him flustered

“Okay men, down the trail of destruction, advance by pairs, move out. Barry moved into step with Chris, leaving Jill and Joseph to follow them with the Captain bringing up the rear.

beating hearts. It could hear them, in the distance. The steady Thump-Thump awakening the hunger. It rose to its paws, and began to race through the forest, in search of fresh food

The squad marched for 10 minutes until they came across the wreckage, the twisted steel of the Valkyrie resembling a pile of scrap metal, nothing like the glorious machine it had been before. Blood surrounded the wreckage, giving the area a sickly glow as the light reflected off it.

“Where are the bodies? With this much blood there should be some bodies” Joseph asked

“Who knows? We should split up and search the immediate area, might give us some clues as to what happened” Wesker replied.

Voices! It could hear them, It was close, It was sure. Its decayed eyes picked up movement nearby, It stalked forward ready to strike

As everybody spread out, grizzly clues began to appear. A few shell casings, a dead animal.

“What the krak?” Joseph suddenly exclaimed “you guys better take a look at this!” he called to his squad mates as he raised a severed hand clutching a Laspistol.

It watched as the food picked something up. It recognised the thing the food was holding it had burnt a line down its back. The hunger finally overcame It and It pounced on the food

“AAAAAAARRRRRGH!” Joseph screamed as the dog leapt onto him, the scream stopping suddenly as his throat was torn out, hearing the scream of their comrade the Kasrkin drew their weapons and rushed to investigate. What they found sickened them, Joseph was torn apart, and something had ripped through his carapace armour as if it was paper. And the thing that did it appeared to be a dog, and it was staring at them.

Last edited by lawrence96; 06-05-09 at 09:11 PM.
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post #12 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-22-09, 08:36 AM Thread Starter
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big surprise for you, the next few chapters. i won't be here over the weekend (gone camping next to a wood thats eerily like the woods from Resdient evil 1!).

Chapter 5- Abandoned
The beast growled at them, low pitched and terrifying.

It sensed new food

The sound of multiple Hellguns discharging filled the still night. The Kasrkins advanced upon the still smoking body of the beast, Chris putting an extra round into its head to make sure it was dead. Jill bent down to retrieve Joseph’s tags, when more growling was heard. More of the beasts were coming out of the forest; seven beasts now stood staring at the Kasrkin.

“Tactical withdrawal, to the Valkyrie now!” Wesker whispered

“What about Joseph’s body?” Jill pleaded

“Leave it! Hopefully they’ll eat it and ignore us!” Wesker stated as he started to creep backwards. SNAP! The sound of Wesker’s feet breaking a twig seemed to echo around the crash site. The beast’s heads snapped up as one, and the growling restarted.

“RUN!” Wesker screamed at his squad, the sound driving the already mad beasts into a frenzy. As one the Kasrkin squad withdrew at speed to the waiting Valkyrie, an unusual whine filled the forest. As Wesker charged into the clearing, he saw the Valkyrie lifting off and a dead beast slumped near where the cockpit had been an autopistol round through its head.

“Brad! Come back here!” Wesker shouted into his vox

“No way sir, have you seen them monsters? I’m getting out of here!” Brad replied as his Valkyrie sped away

Wesker was about to order brad back when the squad charged past him, seeing their target the mansion that bravo was to investigate. Deciding that staying outside with the beasts would be madness, Wesker raced after his squad.
“Brad, I’ll kill you when I find you!” Wesker promised the heavens as he ran.

The mansion stood almost as tall as the trees that surrounded it, big ominous cast-adamantite fencing surrounded the mansion with a courtyard big enough to muster a platoon in. The house itself looked big enough to house three platoons along with their equipment in it. Wesker charged through the iron gates just as Chris and Barry shut them with a resounding CLANG. The beasts smashed into the gate only to bounce off its re-enforced bars snarling at the food held just beyond their reach.

“Where now Captain?” Barry asked

“Where else Mr Burtonia, inside, May as well complete Bravo’s mission while we’re here. I am sure brad will return once his nerves have calmed. Jill set up a beacon so he knows where we are” Wesker ordered

“Yes sir” Jill responded as she snapped off a salute, and began reaching equipment out of her pack.

After Jill had set up the beacon, the remaining Kasrkins crept towards the mansions huge doors.

Excellent, we’re here, now let the games begin Wesker thought darkly, an unseen smile crossing his lips.

Chapter 6- Unseen Forces
They picked up the broadcast from the beacon their test subjects had set-up, shadowed figures crossed the room.

“He’s got them in there?” One said

“It appears so” Another responded

“Excellent idea showing that Valkyrie pilot the Hunter” A third supplied

“Yes, now they’re stranded, trapped in our maze like rats one might say” The second said. Unseen in the shadows hands clasped.

Chapter 7- Exploration
The entrance hall stretched out in front of them. Marble tiles shone like suns, reflecting the ceiling lights warmth around the room. In the centre of the room stood an impressive staircase leading to the second floor, wide enough for a Chimera to drive up and clad in a velvet carpet coloured a deep red, lending the surrounding tiles a pink glow.

“Okay squad, form up. This is the mansion Bravo was sent to investigate, we are going to complete their mission. Jill, go with Barry and search the rooms in the east wing, should be through that door there.” Wesker said while pointing to a door hidden in the corner.

“Chris, search the west wing, that door over there should be the entrance. I’ll search the second floor; set vox channels to Delta-7, if you need anything report your position and wait for assistance.”

“Yes sir!” The Kasrkins shouted back, the sound of boots thundering on the marble tiles reverberated around the room, sounding like an artillery barrage.

Excellent, they’re split up. Better get to the security centre so I can monitor their progress Wesker started to climb the stairs heading for the security centre.

Last edited by lawrence96; 06-05-09 at 09:13 PM.
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post #13 of 36 (permalink) Old 05-22-09, 09:16 PM
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gratz bud =] keep it up as said earlier
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post #14 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-03-09, 03:03 PM Thread Starter
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okay next part me-harties!
Chapter 8- Monsters
A table stretched out in front of them, long enough to fit 52 men and all set up for a lavish banquet. A banquet that was now cold and rotten. Wine still waiting in decanters, long ago ruined by the air. Halfway down the room stood a fireplace, large enough to park a car in, with space to manoeuvre. The flames crackled as they consumed the unseen fuel, the logs balanced on top were synthetic, made purely for show.

They advanced up the room, Barry on the left-hand side of the table, Jill on the right. They advanced slowly, unsure of what lay in wait to greet them, but if the creatures outside were anything to go by then what lay ahead was not nice.

“Barry, what’s that” Jill whispered pointing to the red puddle at the end of the room.

“Looks like blood, give me your trace scanner” Barry replied

“Okay, while you check that I’m going to move on” Jill said as she moved towards the door.

Barry only grunted in reply. Jill slowly pushed the door open and stepped through into a corridor, when an awful smell assaulted her nose. A stench accompanied by a sickening crunching coming from her left. She slowly stalked around the corner, coming across a man bent over eating something.

“Don’t move” Jill barked at the man, who just continued to eat.

“What the hell are you eating” Jill questioned the man. Slowly she reached out, her hand brushing the man’s shoulder. Gently turning him around she was greeted by a horrific sight, the man was chewing an man’s face off!

“Okay freak, hands in the air!” Jill commanded, the man slowly started to rise, emitting a low groaning as he did so. With a wet slap the mans intestines flopped onto the floor, Jill had seen such injuries before only never had she seen the owner of the entrails walking on as if nothing had happened.

What the hell? Those kind of injuries would put even a space marine out for the count!
Wasting no more time Jill trained her Hellgun on the man’s chest and depressed the trigger, lasbolts came streaming with such a speed that they sounded like a hive of angry wasps. Each bolt hit the man in the chest pulping it into non-existence, knocking him backwards until he fell over the corpse he was devouring. The remains of his chest still smoking Jill walked over to the body the man was eating, now revealed an Arbites officer, reaching down Jill grabbed his dog tags and badge then went to return to Barry in the dining room.

Chapter 9- Dead man walking

“Jill, I heard gunfire, are you okay?” Barry asked as soon as she entered

“Yeah, there was a survivor, but he was crazy and attacked me” Jill responded while crossing the room “Found an dead Arbites officer in there, Officer Neros, I grabbed his badge and tags” Jill added

“That’s interesting, the blood here matches the profile of an Officer Neros, toxicology indicates some sort of” Barry’s dialogue was cut short as the door slammed open, and the man Jill had encountered came charging through.

“What? I shot him! He should be dead” Jill stuttered whilst staggering backwards. Suddenly a loud crack filled the room and the man’s head exploded in a shower of gore. Jill turned around to see Barry holding his bolt pistol.

“What is this?” Barry exclaimed standing over the corpse

“It looks like the man that I saw in there, you can see the wounds on his chest where I shot him!” Jill exclaimed.

“Let’s report this to Wesker” Barry said as he unhooked his vox caster. “Barry to Wesker, Barry to Wesker. Come in Wesker” Barry called

“Yes?” Came Wesker’s reply

“Looks like the shit has hit the fan sir, we got one dead Arbites. And a man Jill shot dead that just got up and charged us” Barry reported.

“Say again, it sounded like you just told me a dead man’s just got up and walked” Came Weskers disbelieving reply

Quisnam praesumo, successio

Last edited by lawrence96; 06-05-09 at 09:15 PM.
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post #15 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-03-09, 04:54 PM
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Dude... I like your idea... But... You should really check you grammars and correct the typhos you made before posting your stories...
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post #16 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-03-09, 05:41 PM Thread Starter
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sorry, where's about are the mistakes? my england none too good!

on a lighter note, Buggering works word processor spell check-a-majig.

Quisnam praesumo, successio
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post #17 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-03-09, 11:33 PM
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No offense.... Dude but almost all of them have one... Pls. don't take this as an insult... I'm just telling you as it is...

Last edited by waltzmelancholy_07; 06-03-09 at 11:35 PM.
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post #18 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-03-09, 11:35 PM
 
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Yea man this is how it goes
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post #19 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-04-09, 01:49 AM Thread Starter
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No offense.... Dude but almost all of them have one... Pls. don't take this as an insult... I'm just telling you as it is...
no man i take it as an insult! My honour must be avenged!

really man i take no insult, writing has never been my strong point, verbal spelling is usually okay, but largely i rely on my spell check on me laptop to do the hard work!

So yeah if you could point out a few of the mistakes i might actually learn something! i've found it's quite difficult proof reading your own work so any reader comments and constructive criticism welcome

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Yea man this is how it goes
sorry mate it's like 1/4 to 2 in the morning where i am right now and me brain is nearly dead, can i take this to mean that you like what i've got so far? Also i see that appears to be your first post so
#1 Welcome to heresy!
#2 Hope you like the story
#3 So glad my topic was the first one you appear to have posted in, i got to be the one who took your posting virginity!

Quisnam praesumo, successio
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post #20 of 36 (permalink) Old 06-04-09, 07:43 AM
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Glad to hear that... Maybe I'll let Shogun Nate read your fluff... He's good at citing mistakes and correcting them... If anyone's good at teaching... He'd be the one... Keep it up..
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