Chapta' 5 - Fightin' and likin' it!
A hour had passed. Nagosh stood up and looked at his, now-healed, left side. He was grinning, which showed his tusks. Ash'nu seemed a bit tired.
“There, it is fixed. Ork.”
“Don't fink I'z don't know dat ya don't like me. But we'z gotta work togetha' dis time.”
“Your words show wisdom. Come, your allies need to know what we're facing, too.”
Ash'nu was a bit surprised.
“You are... welcome?”
“Oy! Boss! You'z okay”
Nagosh turned to see Muskit. The slugga boy radiated joy. Gobroz and the rest were close behind.
“'Course I am! No chaos boys are gonna beat me!”
“Glad ta hear dat, boss!”
“Settle! I must tell you about our situation.”
Muskit, Gobroz and Nagosh all sat down. Altian, Kilina and Lokan stayed, too. Ugu sat with Lokan, who kept scratching the squig's head.
“Good. Now... long ago, when the Horus Heresy began...”
“Dis is startin' like a bedtime story.”
“QUIET, NAGOSH!!! Anyway, during that time, when the forces of Chaos manifested, a large force of the Thousand Sons came. The same who you attacked earlier.
“Glad you did. Their forces destroyed unchecked, because the Imperium knew not of them. They created a fortress in the region. Which would not have been uncommon, but they started a strange ritual. We, the Eldar of Biel-tan, felt that something was amiss. We sent our forces to the planet and stopped the Thousand Sons and their ritual, but even we do not know what its purpose was.
“So... wot's da problem? Da chaos boys wud hafta fight humies now... dey'z won't have an easy time makin' sum ritualz.”
“I am afraid that the human forces in the area are insufficient. Our sensors have detected seven Chaos assault-class cruisers. Those have enough forces to wipe out the entire imperial population on the planet. They cannot win this battle alone. That is why we came. To help.”
“Wait... if da chaos boys win... den...”
“They will complete that same old ritual.”
“Why can't dey do it somewhere else?”
“Chaos does have some rules. To the Warp, the ritual is not cancelled. It is merely paused. And we know this is a special, one of a kind rite. If the Thousand sons want to finish the ritual, they have to to do it on Akhalam VI.”
“Strange. Well... we'z gunna help any way we'z can, right boys?”
“Yeh, boss!” Gobroz and Muskit shouted.
“Your help is appreciated. But, as I've heard, your numbers are low.”
“He'z right, boss. We'z got too little boys ta fight.”
“Yeh. And if da Eldar fight, dey die. And dere are too little Eldar already. We'z need more boys!”
Ash'nu was astonished. An ork actually that cared about something else than fighting? He had misjudged Nagosh. Suddenly, a guardian appeared.
“We have detected a large flying object! It is heading for the planet!”
“The Thousand sons?!”
“No, sir. This is something new. And it's big!”
“Let me see!”
The guardian showed them the sensor readings.
“It is increasing in speed... as if it wanted to... RAM the planet.”
“Ram, eh? Sound like somefin' orky.”
They Eldar looked at the orks. Gobroz spoke:
“Da boss is right. Ya know wot we'z mean, yeh?”
“A... spce hulk?”
“Yeh! Dat means, more orks are on da way 'ere! Maybe ya can fight deir boss, boss, and be da new boss!”
“Don't dat seem awfully convenient, flashgit Gobroz?”
“No. We'z just lucky.”
“I guess so.”
“It is breaching the atmosphere!”
The whole Eldar camp watched as a huge object flew over them. It continued on its path, until it hit the ground some miles away, causing a monstrous earthquake. When it ended, Nagosh rose from the ground.
After everyone said yes, Nagosh grinned again.
“Well, let's get goin'! We'z need more boys!”
Muskit, Gobroz and Ugu immediately rose. Altian, Kilina and Lokan rose as well.
“You wish to go with them?”
“As you wish. But be careful.”
As the three Eldar followed the three orks... and Ugu, Ash'nu had a feeling that an uncommon friendship was present.
“How many orks will there be, boss?”
“I dunno, Muskit. I hope there'z a lot of 'em, though.”
“The hulk was quite large. We can assume that there WILL be many.”
“And dat's gud. 'Cause we'z gonna need all da help we'z can get.”
“Yeh, flashgit Gobroz.”
They reached the end of the jungle. A huge crater was in front of them, the ork space hulk could be seen in its full glory. It wasn't that big, actually, but still easily the size of an imperial cruiser. The seven could see hundreds of orks going out of the hulk, including vehicles killa kans and trukks. In the sea of green, a larger ork could be seen. Larger than his nob bodyguard, he watched the unlooading. He was probably thinking of a big stompin'. Nagosh had other plans.
“He don't look so tough. I'z can take 'im.”
“Ya sure, boss?”
“Yeh, flashgit Gobroz.”
“And what should we do?”
Nagosh turned to Altian.
“You stay 'ere. When I wave to ya, den ya come. Come on, boys! And Ugu!”
The four made their way into the crater. Other orks that noticed them either just watched, or also readied their weapons. Muskit and Gobroz were getting a bit nervous. Nagosh was grinning like a madman. And Ugu was looking around, seemingly amused.
The orks wore light-blue armour. Their banners had a white skull on them.
“Dey'z got a fumiliar banner, eh Muskit?”
“Yeh. Looks nice and blue, like ours. Dey'z gotta be lucky like us!”
Blue... the ork colour of luck. If it was so, then Da Skull smashaz' luck was restricted to three orks.
The other boss noticed them and started moving.
When he came closer, it could clearly be seen that Nagosh was bigger. Not that much, but still bigger. The other boss wasn't scared, though his nobs were.
“Who are ya?”
“I'z warboss Nagosh Ubzug and dis 'ere is MY planet.”
“O yeh? Well, I'z warboss Abzog Nugush and I sez dat dis is MY planet. And I'z got more boys!”
After that sentence, Gobroz knew the creator of this fic was running out of names.
“O yeh? Well, you'z smalla' den me. Your boys shud follow da biggest ork.”
The mass of orks around them started talking. Some even nodded. Even Abzog's nob bodyguards were considering the words.
“You'z maybe da biggest, but I'z stronga'!”
“Yeh! And I'z gonna fight ya ta prove it!”
Within twenty minutes, orks made an improvised ring for the two bosses.
Nagosh on one side, with a fanclub of... three.
Abzog had a mandatory fanclub of... OVER 9000!!!!
“Writa', dat joke is overused.”
Fine, Gobroz! He had a fanclub of 3000. Happy?!
Anyway, back to where we were before I was so rudely interrupted.
Nagosh looked... like he was having fun.
Abzog was mad, with burning eyes and everything. The smaller boss roared with all his might:
The landscape actually shook, a bit. A tiny bit, but still a bit.
Nagosh was prepared to charge... but then he noticed something. Everyone except for Abzog did. Their sights aimed above.
Abzog looked up, only to see a glint of metal.
As a nearly three ton piece from the space hulk landed on the boss, Gobroz swore to never yell near hulks. Ever. And that this was the shortest battle ever.
Nagosh looked at the hulk-piece and grinned. He then laughed. Gobroz, Muskit and the other orks soon joined in.
Nagosh waved towards the cliffs. Every ork turned. As the three Eldar left their hiding place, some started aiming. A mighty roar stopped:
“WAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH! Dere'z gonna be no shootin' right now! Dose pointy helmets are gud!”
Sluggas, shootas, nobs and others looked at him with disbelief. But they listened.
'Cause he was da biggest, so he was da BOSS!!
Nagosh stood on the hulk-piece with a loud 'Speeka' as one of the hulk-meks called it. Gobroz, Muskit and the three Eldar were behind him. Altian and the other two felt kinda... vulnerable. Which was understandable. Nagosh took a deep breath.
“Orks of da Skull smashaz klan! I'z Nagosh Ubzug and I'z wot?”
“Gud! So, I'z wot?”
The orks' voices could be heard for miles.
“Very gud! Now, listen up! I'z got a few new rulez for ya,” Nagosh took out a piece of paper, “one. Ya gitz ain't gonna fight Eldar. No exceptunz. If ya do, I'z gonna personally take yo' 'eads,” orks in the crowd nodded. Altian thought about how Ash'nu would react to that, “two. Ya can fight humies, but only when I sez so, or when deyz attack first. Three. Grots can no longa' be eaten. Or used as bomb pilots,” part of the crowd screamed with joy, “kickin' 'em is still allowed when dey deserve it, though,” part of the crowd started crying, “and last, but not least, four. Da ingrediunts of squig piez are limited to eatin' squigs, ONLY. No otha' type o' squigs can be used in piez.”
Squiggus, the owner of the most profiting squig pie chain on the space hulk, fought tears.
Gobroz turned to Nagosh.
“Boss, ain't ya forgettin' somefin'?”
“Yeh! Thanks, flashgit Gobroz! One more rule, boys! Dis one'z 'bout colourz'! If da klan is painted blue, we'z lucky. But our trukks and kans and stuff needs ta be fast. So, every vehicule has ta be painted red AND blue! Give 'em more red, though. Goin' fasta is gud!” the crowd seemed to be happy with the changes and shouted Nagosh's name.
“Dey'z like ya. Boss!”
“I see dat, Muskit. I'z so moved, I can only say dis,” he lifted da 'Speeka' again, “okay, boys! Let'z move to da Eldar'z camp and den to OUR camp!”
With a loud 'WAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!', the orks started moving.
Ash'nu was surprised beyond words when the ork force strode through the jungle. He was even more surprised when the host didn't start attacking. Then, he saw Nagosh and the others. He sent a 'Hello!' to them and they did the same for him. The six and Ugu then continued towards the ork fort... camp... thing.
Nagosh, Gobroz and Muskit couldn't believe their eyes. Altian knew how they felt.
The whole ork camp was destroyed. Fires, craters where there had been buildings. And bodies. Green bodies. They would have had to rebuild the camp anyay, but seeing it like this was... sad. Nagosh was the first to enter. At first, he saw nothing but wreckage. But then, some of it moved. He quickly ran to it and lifted it. There, he saw the longest-living grot, Drakk.
“Boss! Thank Gork,” Drakk noticed the substantial number of orks, “we'z got new boys?”
“Yeh, but that ain't important! Wot happened 'ere?!”
“Well... we were just doin' stuff. Playin' orkjack and like that. Den, dese humies came.”
“Da onez we'z been fightin'?”
“No, boss. Dese were new. With shiny, yellow armour with blue stripes here and there. Da boys tried ta stop 'em, but dey'z were too strong!
“The Thousand sons...” Altian already wanted to fight.
“Yeh. Chaos boys... anyfin' else?”
“Yeh, boss.” It was a new voice.
Nagosh turned to see the fort's dok, Grimog and its mek, Darug.
“Grimog! Darug! You'z alive!”
“Yeh, boss,” it was Darug, “but we'z got some newz.”
“Dere wuz dis really strong beast-humie with 'em. Killed da nob with one chop of his big axe.”
“What did it look like?” Altian feared the worst.
“Oy! We'z got ol' pointy 'elmetz with us? Gud. Well, he wuz tall, black skin, two big 'orns and red fur on the back.”
“Hmmm... that sounds like a Bloodletter champion. They are rare, but exist.”
“Bloodletta'z are dose ork-big, red daemunz?”
“I see. How many of 'em were dere?”
“'Bout twice as many as our boys, boss.”
Gobroz counted... two mobs... twenty orks each had been in the fort... that means about eighty.
“Dat'z 'bout eighty boys, boss.”
“I see. Okay, we'z gonna do it like dis,” he looked at his new host, “get me two mobs o' sluggas, a mob of shootas and a kan! Da rest o' ya start makin' a bigga' fort,” he then looked at Altian, “you'z comin'?”
Altian looked at Lokan and Kilina, who nodded.
“It would be our pleasure.”
“I'z gonna take that as a yes. Come, flashgit Gobroz, Muskit! We'z gonna stomp some chaos boys!”
The small ork force left the camp. They would find the Thousand Sons no matter what.
Two guardsmen hid behind some rubble. The Thousand Sons' attack had been quick, unexpected and without mercy. They had been overrun. And the two were probably the only imperial survivors in this area. They whispered:
“Damnit! What do we do now?”
“I don't know! They're everywhere!”
“What would commissar Yarrick do?”
Images of untold awesomeness and epicness filled their mind. Such epicness, in fact, that this low-budget (0.000000 dollars) fic would implode if I even tried to describe them. Therefore, if you ain't afraid of your HEAD imploding, imagine them.
Suddenly, they heard a noise. Their cover disappeared in a cloud of plasma. Two rubric marines looked straight at them. They could feel their doom approaching.
The rubrics' guns were aimed. One of the two humans closed his eyes.
“Not so fast, chaos boy!”
The rubric's were caught off-guard. A large barrage destroyed one and the other was heavily damaged.
A huge ork came into view. He raised his chain-choppa and cut the rubric in half. The guardsman were afraid. Weren't the Thousand Sons enough?
The ork looked at them and grinned.
“Don't worry, humies. We'z not 'ere for ya. We'z 'ere for da chaos boys. Go tell your captain or somefin'. Da orks will ally with ya!”
The guardsmen just stood there, with open mouths. Then, they swiftly ran. They would never forget that ork.
Nagosh was full of adrenaline, ready to fight. Gobroz, Muskit, Ugu, their Eldar allies and the boys were behind him. The rubric marines, feeling the fall of two of their own, started converging on their location.
“Yeh! Let'z start fightin'!”
Nagosh moved a bit forward, only to stop. A dark cloud appeared and from it, the daemon Grimog had described. All of the orks stopped.
“Take da mobs and smash da chaos boys. Dis daemun is mine!”
“Okay boss. gud luck.”
The mobs of orks and the three Eldar left the two combatants alone. The sounds of battle could be heard.
“So, we meet, Nagosh Ubzug.”
“How do ya know me, git?”
“I know many things, ork. More than you could even imagine.”
“Yes. But I do not expect you to understand. I was sent to destroy you. I tried to find you at your little camp, but I had no luck. I figured that if I cause enough chaos, you would show up on your own. Though, I did not expect Eldar... or so many extra orks.”
“Ya know, eh?”
“Yes, I am not blind. That space hulk brought a whole tribe, at LEAST. Numbers are meaningless. Once my master finds the place, chaos will prevail.”
“Can ya shut up and jus' start fightin'!?!?!?”
“Hmph!!! Fine! Prepare for your destruction! Prepare for the wrath of Nebulon!”
“Ya talk too much.”
Nebulon raised his axe and charged. Nagosh did the same with his chain-choppa. The two weapons met and the two combatants stood. Nevulon was impressed. The ork could actually withstood his attacks. Impressive.
But he was not here for amusement. This fight would be quick. Warp-magic had been his expertise for long. He warper behind the ork, wanting to kill him.
But Nagosh would not be so easily fooled. He swiftly turned turned around and bashed the Bloodletter on the head. The daemon stumbled. Nagosh used this and grabbed Nebulen, then threw him through the wall of a nearby building.
Suddenly, the whole building collapsed. Nebulon appeared, warp flames around him.
“Uh-oh.” was all Nagosh said.
Gobroz was actually having fun. Shootin' has always been fun, but this was extra fun.
The rubric marines were strong, but too slow. The sluggas bashed them from up close, the shootas kept moving from place to place and the rubric's couldn't hit them. And the kan was just killy.
Altian, Kilina and Lokan were good, too.
Lokan just warped here and there, confusing the rubric's, while Altian came from above and finished them off.
And Kilina was just too nimble with her blade to be hit.
Muskit and Ugu also proved to be a great team. Again. Ugu distracts and Muskit attacks. And the rubric's are stupid enough to shoot each other. But you knew that, didn't you, reader?
There would soon be no more rubric's left.
But then Gobroz saw something in the corner of his eye. It was a pinkish red. And green. He turned. Nebulon was above Nagosh, axe ready.
Muskit, Ugu and the three Eldar turned. The other orks were too busy in battle. All of them ran... but one ran faster than the others.
“Any last words, ork?”
“Yeh. You'z a sneeky git.”
“Why, thank you! Now, DIE!!!”
Nebulon raised his axe. But then, Nagosh spotted something in the air behind Nebulon. His eyes grew wider.
The daemon's curiosity won over his logic. He looked behind... and saw big teeth. Around those teeth was black. And it had two yellow orbs, too. Ugu bit.
Nebulon threw away his axe and started running, arms flailing in random directions. Nagosh just stared. When the others reached the place, they stared as well.
“GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!”
“Dis is quite entartainin', eh boss?”
“Yeh, flashgit Gobroz. Very entartainin'.”
Nebulon ran here and there for a while, then he finally managed to get Ugu of his face. He had a few marks.
“Damn! Oh, well. Nothing a few days in the warp spa can't fix,” he looked at the group that had assembled, “ummm... I just remembered I have an important appointment at the... warp dentist Toothus the terrible... yeaaaah. SEE YA LATER!!!!”
Nebulon quickly picked up his axe. Before Gobroz's shots could reach the daemon, he was gone in a dark cloud.
“Well, dat wasn't bad. Actuelly kinda fun.”
“Yeh, boss. Muskit, Ugu was a gud boy.”
“Yeh! And he'z gonna get more meaty bits for that!”
Ugu screeched, then jumped on Muskit's shoulder and licked his face.
“Stop it, dat ticklees!”
Ugu then jumped on Kilina's shoulder and did the same. Only licked the helmet, though.
The little squig then just landed on the ground. Nagosh started laughing. The ork mobs came, almost every ork carrying some kind of trophy.
“DAMNIT! NOT as planned! Hanumos, get me some tea! Horror flavour!”
The lord of change quickly left its master alone. Tzeentch currently had the form of a three-headed avian with four sets of colour-changing wings. Tzeentch said it was his favourite form.
The god of change cancelled the image. He was frustrated enough already.
“What's the matter, Tzeentchey?” came a female voice. Tzeentch knew it only too well.
“Slaanesh! How many times have I told you to not add that 'ey' at the end of my name!?”
She, which is a relative term, since she can swich genders, appeared. Long purple hair. One of her eyes was yellow, the other was black. With a... revealing, robe. Her skin was a light brown.
“I forgot, Tzeentchey. Geez, you don't have to be such a grouch!”
“She has a point, Tzeentch.”
One of his heads looked at the new intruder.
Blood-red armour, with a skull-like helmet. His teeth were bloody. A massive sword was on his back.
“Don't even think about it, Slaanesh. My name sounds like you know what when you do that.”
“Well, okay Khorne. What took ya so long to get here.”
“Mister change here has too many frikin' lairs. Had to smash a few of the wrong ones. Sorry, Tzeentch.”
“No apology needed.”
“They'll just regrow.”
“Why the heck do your lairs regrow?!”
“Because last time Slaanesh made you drink all of that Super beer, you smashed ALL of them.”
“What are you two doing here, anyway?”
“You mean three, Tzeentch? *cough*”
The god of change's third head looked at a big, green, bloated creature. Nurgle...
“Nurgle? Okay, what is going on here?!”
“Calm down, Tzeentchey.”
“Yeah. Slaanesh here just heard you scream. Which had to be quite a sound for it to be louder than the... OTHER noises from her citadel.”
“Umm... she called me and Nurgle here and we came to ckeck on you. So, what's wrong?”
“Well... thanks. It is just that my followers are... having trouble.”
“With what? *cough*”
“They cannot secure a certain location. Eldar and orks are in their way.”
“Ooooh! I like Eldar! They're so handsome!”
“Riiiigghhhht. Orks ain't bad either. At least they can fight.”
“Yes, yes. The strange thing is, that these two groups fight together. No in-fighting.”
“Interesting. No bloodshed coming from orks. Interesting.”
Nurgle vomitted on the floor.
“DUDE!! I just finished cleaning!”
“*cough* Sorry... *cough*... Tzeentch. So, what do you want to do?”
“I... do not know.”
“Did I hear right? Tzeentchey doesn't have a plan?”
“Well, there is one.”
“Tell us! Tell us!”
“Okay! Calm down! You REALLY should inhale less of those special plants. Anyway, I have an important asset on the planet. It could prove beneficial to all of us.”
“Oh, I see where you're goin'. You want our forces to help your forces, eh?”
“You understood perfectly, Khorne.”
“That sounds like fun, Tzeentchey! Whaddaya say, Khorne? Nurgley?”
“*cough* Yes, that would be... *cough* splendid.”
“Yeeees! More blood for me!”
“Excellent. The Thousand Sons are already in place. Who will be next?”
Which meant 'Who will receive a psychic signal telling them to go to Akhalam VI?'.
Slaanesh raised her arms. Her eyes glowed purple.
“Hear me... my devoted. Emperor's Children. There is great fun to be had on Akhalam VI. Join with some others and party hard!
Tzeentch raised three eyebrows, but remained silent.
Khorne was next. His blood-red eyes glowed.
“Listen to me! Eaters of worlds! Killers of thousands! There is great bloodshed to be had on Akhalam VI. Join with the weaker ones and show them how to wreak havoc!”
The three others looked at Khorne.
“What?! Have to motivate them somehow!”
“Whatever. Nurgle, you are left.”
“Yes, *cough*” papa Nurgle's eyes glowed in a sickly green, “hear me! My children! *cough* The Death Guard is needed to spread the gifts of Nurgle on Akhalam VI. *cough* Many will join you and you will together spread death!”
All of Tzeentch's heads nodded.
“Excellent. So far, just as planned.”
“Yeah. But I could really use some blood beer.”
“Your tea, your changeliness!” Hanumos had finally returned.
Tzeentch extended one of his many arms and took the coop. He sipped it, one head at a time.
Here are quotes, gathered by imperial scholars or any other people. Or xenos, whatever. They contain the words of many famous or not as famous characters in the galaxy.
"Sindriiiiii!" - chaos lord Bale
"Because of you, we've lost a temple!" - chaos lord Crull, even though it was HIS fault for being such an idiotic leader
"METAL BOXEEEEEES!!!" - chaos lord Firaveous Carron on Rhinos
"Why am I the only sane, competent chaos lord in these frikin' games?!" - Eliphas the Inheritor on above idiots
"Why do I worship Slaanesh? Ain't it frikin' obvious?!" - chaos marine surrounded by Daemonettes
"Zerg rush!!!" - Maximus Geekymus, chapter master of the Comp Marines on Tyranids
"Good. VERY good." - ANYONE on Daemonettes
"Macha is too hot to not get laid, /tg/!" - me on absurd MEME.... wait... pretend you didn't read this.