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post #21 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-11-09, 10:27 PM
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That was a good read, long live the Angry Marines XD

Thanks Proccor for the awsum sig

After 10 years of relentless shelling, the hive is reduced to naught but rubble and dust, two years after all signs of life ceased and five years after the hive issued its unconditional surrender.

I dont want to hear any more flashlight joke alright, there just guide lights for the artilery
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post #22 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-12-09, 09:03 PM Thread Starter
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None are more awesome than the Emperor's angriest!

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post #23 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-16-09, 04:51 PM Thread Starter
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Chapta' 2 fer da sequul haz been added!!

I'z gunna be editin' mah postz on pagez two an' free, so if ya need ta find a new chapta', jus' use the 'CTRL+F' thingamajiggorz and type:

Sequul Chapta' - X

Were X iz da chapta' numma'. Or just look.

Sorryz, I jus' wonted ta write sum helpy bitz.

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post #24 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-17-09, 09:34 AM
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This is the best fan fiction i have read in a while, please keep it up.
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post #25 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-17-09, 10:41 AM Thread Starter
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Sequul Chapta' 5 - Da new threatzez

Da green kruseid - Chapta' 5

The heroes and supposed villains sat in the planetary defence centre, while outside, there was chaos. Both metaphorically and literally. Berzerkers, plague marines, noise marines, guardsmen and members of both the fire and earth castes ran and walked around, removing pieces of wreckage from the landscape, while rubrics, commanders and every type of Necron just stood by idly. Chaos was getting ready to depart.

Rakul looked over his comrades, 'dance-mates' and the Tau and guardie commanders.
“I must say, this was definitely more pleasant than our last little meeting.”
“Yeh, I'z cudn't agree more, right flashgit Gobroz?”
“Yeh, was smashin' fun, I fink. Say, Teivoz, wot'z Darug doin'? I'z haven't seen 'im since we left.”
The commander scratched his helmet for some reason.
“To tell the truth, I don't have the foggiest idea. I just know he locked himself up in one of our smaller armories.”
Carito burst into the room, full of energy.
“What is delicious, Carito?”
“Well, Rakul, these 'Crons are very good lifters, if I can say so myself. Two of them just carried a Devilfish carrier to maintenance.”
“Cool. Now get back to work.”
“Right away!”
As the slaaneshi left, Rakul heard Nebulon shout some insults at Sangus and vice versa. Something about dropping hammers on feet. He then turned to Tartaro.
“Say, what are you and your... guys, planning on doin?”
“Well... I suppose we could dig up one of our Tombships. But I have no ideaaa about where we would go. So, if the kind governor and generaaal would truly let his kindness show and let us staaay for a while, we would be indebted to him.”
Ulix massaged his shiny scalp.
“If they do not cause any trouble, I can't see what the problem is.”
“Thaaank you.”


“Tzeentchey, was that planned?”
“Yeah, birdbrain, tell us. TELL US.”
“Well... no. But it could have gone worse.”
“Yeah. Instead of Necrons, they could have faced pink unicorns.”
“Oooooh, that sounds pretty.”
“So,” Nurgle coughed up a few nurglings, who ran away, taking a chess figure with them, “what now?”
“Well, it would seem that any conflict there shall be avoided.”
Suddenly, a booming voice echoed throughout the fortress:
“I'z 'ave sum oda' newz.” through one of the walls, there came a massive entity. Green like the race it was the god off, almost completely encased in a suit of 'Ultra-mega-giga-awesum armour', which was bloodier than even Khorne's. Its right hand a massive giga klaww and the left the biggest shoota this side of reality. Its horns scraped the ceiling and its two eyes were cyber implants, “'ullo, boyz an' gal.”
None of them was really impressed. After all, this happened pretty regularly. Khorne spoke:
“Hey, Gmork. How's it going?”
“Aaah, ya know. Smashin', stompin', shootin'. But dat'z not why I'z 'ere.”
All six of the Changer's eyes were on him.
“And why are you here?”
“Haven't ya felt sumfin' weird comin' to dat little planety bit? From over the edgy of dis 'ere Milky weyz?”
“How could I? Even the reach of my servants' has its limits... unlike you orks. You're everywhere!”
“Precizely! An' mah boyz 'ave been fightin' dem bug boyz. An' dem bug boyz won an'... dey'z evolved.”
Tzeentch was silent.
“Tzeentchey, is that bad?”
“Bird brain?”
The Changer finally spoke:
“Yeh. An' even dough deyz dun't 'ave it parfectid yet, since da sporeez die too early, dey'z cud meik it work... in time.”
“Hmmm... and they are heading for the ork-populated fringe?”
“Uhhh... nah.”
“Well... that is good news, but how come?”
“Well, da bug boyz got sucked up into sum of dem rifty bitz. Dey'z heddin' fer dat planety bit call'd Carridio.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeh, da rifty bit was pretty clear 'bout da direktun, fer once. Dey'z very strong, since mah boyz were lotsa' before getting' eeten. Da bug boyz still look 'ungry, dough.”
Tzeentch stood there for a moment and then started walking.
“Come with me, we need to make a call.”


Rakul stood before the loading ramp of a Chaos shuttle, which was ready for liftoff. He looked at the ones who stood there, seeing the Chaos boys off. Tau, guardies, Tartaro and the orks. And that little black ball of a pet. Somehow, it was touching.
He exchanged one last look with his 'nemesis', Nagosh Ubzug. The ork grinned and he waved him, if only as a mild show of respect after such kick-arse dancing. He then turned, wanting to enter the small craft... when a searing pain entered his mind. His eyes flshed in a blue hue and he went to his knees, clutching his head.
“What'sss happening?”
“Not delicious!”
Amazingly, Nagosh also had the starnge fit of pain, only his eyes flashed red.
And a little roar from Ugu.


Both the ork and the sorcerer flew through space at unfathomable speeds. Images of countless realms and worlds sped past them, letting them only see what was within for a few seconds.
Cultists performing bizarre rituals, Eldar crying around a dead tree, Daemonettes... doing stuff, spess mahreens playing the uber-cool and new Warcraft miniature game and many others. Finally they flew straight into the Eye of Terror and beyond.

They suddenly appeared in a large round chamber, the walls of which changed colour and design. Two massive entities stood before them. A three headed avian and a massive ork. Rakul new one personally and the other was bound to be Gork or Mork.
“Hey there... Tzeench.”
The sorcerer was annoyed, to say the least.
“Uhhh, heheh... hey, Rakul. Long time no see, eh?”
“Yeah, ever since ya tricked me from earning a well-earned reward two months back. Well, I don't know if it was two months, since time always gets weird in this place.”
Tzeentch touched his leftmost head... kinda' scared.
“Eheh... yeah. Anyway, this is Gmork.”
The huge ork-god waved to them.
“Wot? Dere ain't Gork and Mork? Only Gmork?”
“Yeh, well, ya see... kunnin' brutalitey and brutal kunnin' can still be master'd by one oy or sumfin'. But don't tell any of da boys. I'z like watching a gud fight between Morka's and Gorka's... smashin' fun!”
“Okay, why have you two called us here? To tell us some old stories?”
“Actually... no. There's a certain threat heading towards Carridia.”
“Pink unicorns?”
“Nah, but ol' Khorno boy sed dat! Worz! Tyranidy bug-boyz is comin' ta kill everyfin'! Dey'z have sum specul orky DNA bitz in 'em, dat, in tiem, will let 'em make sporezez.”
“So... they'll be able to replicate like orks?!”
“Yes. If they have enough time to perfect the new genus. After that, we would face a self-replicating, infinite horde of tyranids, which could just stay on a world for some time to get new biological material.”
“Dat can't be gud.”
“And it ain't, little orky boss.”
“Indeed. They pose a threat as great, if not greater, as all of the legions of Chaos combined... they could probably assault the Eye of Terror itself!”
“And wot can wez do?”
“Da bug-boy fleety bit is still 'just' a normal fleety bit. Wif sum 'elp, youz just might be able to stop it.”
“We'z have ta help!”
“Also, Rakul... if your little joint-fleet can defeat this new threat... I could arrange rewards beyond your wildest dreams.”
“Hmmm... I am interested. But we shall still need aide. Even with the Necrons...”
“Indeed, sorcerer. This threat must not be underestimated.”
“Yeh. It's betta' ta be ova'killy, den not killy enuf.”
“Accept aid from whatever source... just destroy the hive fleet, which we have, for your comfort, dubbed Hive Fleet Haxxor.”
“Yeh. Do dat, 'cuz oda'wize, not even da green powah will be enuf ta stop dese.”
“Indeed. Now, go! You must quickly get as much aid as possible.”
The two leaders disappeared.
“I'z hope deyz can do it.”
“Same here, my grammatically impaired friend.”


After they both woke up... true chaos began. Rakul said the Servants of the Four were staying put and then called Nebulon for a little private debate, while Nagosh demanded a 'Kommunikatunz bit'. When the rest learned of the new Tyranid threat... they were at first sceptical, but the serious attitude of the two leaders soon made them change their minds.

“You called, master?”
Rakul sat in a chair in a now-chaos controlled imperial guard barracks.
“Yes. But we must first wait for...” the door to the room opened and Mithara entered, her pink skin shiny, “aaaah, excellent.”
“Hullo, Neby.”
“Hi, cutie. Rakul, what are you planning?”
“I'm planning on making some calls to certain people who might aid us. But, I want you two to get some more... warpal aid.”
“What do you mean?”
“You two must go into the warp and round up every daemon who can aid us. Form an army and bring it here.”
The two warpal creatures looked at each other. Being together would be a gift.
“When should we leave?”
“Ideally, now. Good luck.”
“Hold out 'till we get back, eh?”
“Yeah, Rakul. You've been like a big brother to me little old pretty me.”
“I will.”
Nebulon and Mithara then disappeared in that trademark purple cloud. Now... who to call first? Oh! Abbadon! Yeah, the Black Legion could certainly help! He concentrated his psychic energies and reached out towards his target... somewhere in the Eye of Terror.


Inside Abbadon's main planning room, along with the usual Chosen Terminators, there also stood a sorcerer, Marin. And he felt the psychic signal sent out by one of similar power. And he accepted the 'call', answering with his mind.
“Hey... I know that voice! Marin!”
“Rakul? Oh, what a joyous coincidence!”
Marin already felt better. Old buddies from the siege of Terra do that.
“I see you got a few promotions.”
“Yeah, well... kinda'. Why ya callin'?”
“Well, me and my little fleet are in some trouble with some approaching Tyranids and we were wondering if Abbadon could lend us some help? This fleet's a big one.”
“Ummm...” Marin looked over to Abbadon, who was devising military strategies for his next grand crusade, “I'm sorry, but he is preoccupied.”
“With what?”
“Next crusade. Plus, I'm not really sure Cadians would let us pass.”
“Can't you even try?”
“Rakul... trust me. You don't want his help.”
“Seriously, mate. You don't.”
“Cancelling conversation”
Marin then watched as Abbadon p-laced even more small miniatures of battle tanks onto the table.
“Yes, yes, yes! If we have more tanks than infantry, the imperial bastards will be helpless! FOOLPROOF!”
Marin sighed at Failabbadon's greatest strategies.


Okay... that was weird. But maybe someone else could help? Like Ahriman! Such a great guy, that! He again sent a psychic signal.


The most awesome character in the whole Warhammer universe, Ahriman of the Thousand Sons, and his feared cabal blasted their way through yet another place with hidden artefacts of the Warp. The strange beasts that stood in their way were made out of pure stone and came in all shapes and sizes. But the cabal was unstoppable and soon entered the deepest chamber of the sealed crypt.
There, on a pedestal, laid a blue book, undoubtedly filled with vast knowledge. But then, the great Ahriman received a psychic 'poke' and answered it:
“What is it?”
“Ahriman? Rakul here?”
“Oh, hey. Long time no hear. What's the matter?”
“Me and my fleet would require help against some Tyranids. Ya up for it?”
“Sure, sounds like fun. Where are ya?”
“Carridia, mid-west.”
“Oh, that's a bummer. We're way over at the eastern fringe of known space. Would probably take us too long.”
“I know. But hey, maybe we could meet afterwards, on some fringe colony, talk about old times.”
“Yeah, sure. Later.”
The 'poking' had ended. Such a nice guy, that Rakul. The two had known each other since the times of Thousand Sons recruits... good times.
Ahriman snapped out of those sentimental thoughts And grabbed the blue tome.
“Interesting... 'Nine hundred and ninety-nine ways to turn a Horror daemon into a delicious meal'. We've hit the jackpot, boys!”
Th entire cabal screamed in joy. Some also drooled.


He was steadily running out of options. After being turned down by the Daemon Prince Sindri Myr, maybe because Rakul had given him a wedgie sometime during the Heresy, his primarch Magnus, who said he didn't have time for spraying bugs with chemicals, and the rogue psyker, who he knew from one of those Pre-Crusade parties and the one who said his regiment was busy with defiling imperial relics and fighting nuns, he was pretty much out of options.
“Okay... I have no one else to call directly. I suppose I'll just send a psychic signal into space, hoping that someone will hear it. Only thing I can do right now.”
He concentrated for one last time and sent a psychic message in every direction. He didn't care who picked it up, as long as they would help.


The Biel-Tan Craftworld was silent. Its white wraithbone halls empty, save for the occasional guard. But one of the inner gardens was not empty. There, among the myriad of strange and beautiful plants, stood a farseer. A farseer with long flaming hair and three red stripes on each of her cheeks. Dressed in a green ceremonial robe, she just stood there, using telekynesis to water plants. Having psychic powers had its more subtle advantages, after all.
And then, she felt a psychic poke. It felt strange, somehow dark. But she accepted it.
“To anyone who can hear me. I am a sorcerer, Rakul Manek, “wasn't that the one Ash'nu said they had fought against? She listened further, “us and a few unlikely allies would require anti-tyranid aid on the planet Carridia in the Cartalon system,” a plea for help? This one would mean their destruction, “we are setting up a defensive, along with some orks, tau, necrons and guardsmen, but even our forces here are not enough. We beg of you, aid us.”
The psychic signal faded. That had caught her by surprise. And the sorcerer's voice was somehow... calming.
“How did thoughts like that emerge? No matter... the others must know of this.”
And so, farseer Macha of Biel-Tan, walked towards the Seer chambers, warp-bent on waking everyone up.


The ork fort... camp... thing was bristling with life. Boys were running in every possible direction, towing large pieces of metal with them. Some would be confused by such behaviour, but not dok Grimog. For he knew what the boys were building. A gift for ol' Darug, whose fifty-third birthday was just around the corner. A massive gift, too. Though, the smaller mekboys-in-training were having a bit of trouble with the construction, they were getting the hang of it.
After some running, the dok finally got to the 'Kommunikasunz roomzy fing'. A light on the ceiling was flashing and some other thing was beeping, though, Grimog couldn't tell which, since there was a lot of strange things in that room. Darug made such wonderful things. He kicked it and soon saw two green faces. Nagosh and Gobroz.
“Boss! Gobroz! You'z okey!”
“Yeh, fer now. Listen, Grimog. I'z need ya ta go to da ol' chaosy forty bit. Go into da lowa' chamberzez.”
“Boss? Why do ya want 'im ta go dere?”
“Yeh, boss?”
“All will be explaineed when ya get dere! Now, go!”
“Okay, boss!”
Without questioning, the dok kicked the device once more and ran off at the speed of... a running ork.


It took him almost an hour to reach the place, even with a trukk. The little ork walked through the now-demolished gatehouse and entered the inner keep. He had a shoota', choppa' and some of his battle brew, but he was still a bit afraid. He walked downwards, thanks to the incredible invention that are stairs, and stopped before a large purple door. He knocked and it fell down.
“Oy, dese Chaos boys shud meik deir dorrzez orky-proof.”
When he entered the chamber, he looked to the right... and then upwards, his jaw on the ground.


And the terrible Hive Fleet Haxxor flew through the Warp. Tzeentch and the rest threw daemons at it, but the horde could not be stopped. They followed the directives of the Hive Mind without question... well, almost.
For there was one little critter who didn't want to have anything to do with war. He just wanted someone to play with.

Last edited by Tau22; 02-07-10 at 03:23 PM.
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post #26 of 29 (permalink) Old 05-26-09, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
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Chapta' 6 - Aquishin' dem bugz

Digging up a mere part of Tartaro's massive tombship took the defenders several hours. And it would probably take much more. Down at dig-level, five heroes stood. Rakul, Nagosh, Gobroz,
“Yes, Rakul Manek?”
“You can just call me Rakul. Also... why exactly can't the damned thing just fly upwards? I thought Necron technology always worked!”
“Well, yeaaah. But this one was pretty much deaaactivated by the Void Dragon itself. So, we pretty much have to maaanuaaaly turn it back on.”
They stood there silently for a few more minutes. But then, one of them, the biggest ork, got tired of all the waiting.
“Let me frough!”
“Whaaat aaare you...?”
The diggers listened to the ork and moved away. Nagosh made his way to the dug up part, threw away his axe, grabbed it... and started lifting. First a foot, then a yard. After that, a mountain near them started collapsing, revealing the ship's pyramid-like accessory. Tartaro's lower jaw broke off and fell to the ground.

“Holy guaaacaaamole!”
“Green gorkamorka'!”
“Unholy power sword in Tzeentch's backside!”
“May the Ethereals protect us...”
The large ork then bashed the craft's plating and it somehow reactivated, flying a mile above ground.
“Dat'z 'ow ya fix fingz da orky way!”


In another couple of hours, all space crafts were grouped above the planet's surface, ready to stall the hive fleet for as long as possible. After a brief card game, the commanders on ground level decided the the Thousand Sons' cruiser, 'Magic Pwns', would be designated as the newly-made fleet's flagship. Tartaro was almost certain Rakul had cheated.

On ground level, parts of the Necron army had been relocated to assist in the defence of strategic locations, including cities, military outposts, shrines, comm arays and McEmperor's chains. With them were squads of troops and vehicles. From guardsmen to Fire Warriors. From Basilisks to Hammerhead gunships.
The least defended point was Eagle hill. The whole location was simply a large bottleneck, where Tyranid forces could be easily grouped together and destroyed. Still, it was undermanned, so the commanders had made their main base of operations there, providing a morale boost and some extra heavy firepower. Except for Ulix and Teivos, who had stayed behind to organise the defence of their respective halves of the planet. That left three orks, a squig, a Necron lord and four servants of four gods to defend the hill. Oh, Eimmoc, too.

Nagosh and Gobroz stood together, watching the forces below. Muskit and Ugu playing tag, Rakul, Sangus, Mortus and Carito just chatting with their troops. Eimmoc polishing his pulse rifle.
Fire Warriors laughing at guardsmen testing their flashlights, the shots of which made a rat scratch its back. An almost tranquil sight. But Gobroz still seemed sad.
“Don'tcha worry, flashgit Gobroz! I'z sure Darug can fix yer shooty fing.”
“Yeh, boss... woteva'.”


Many miles away, Darug kicked down the armoury's doors, startling nearby Fire Warriors. After learning what was going on, he immediately set course for Eagle hill. This was one surprise Gobroz would like.


In orbit, Akitol was in control of the entire fleet. And he was a bit nervous. Nonetheless, when a massive rift in space and time appeared before them, his commands came with uncanny speed:
“Okay, this is it! Destroy as many of the damned ships as possible!”
A hundred approvals and acknowledgments could be heard throughout the communications network.

As the first signs of the Tyranid bioships came, the fleet moved into attack positions, with the massive tombship at the head of the assault. More and more of the monstrous crafts appeared from the swirling warpal vortex. And the countless ships exchanged fire with the defenders. Spores, missiles, massive spikes, beams of uncountable colours and many others flew through the void of space.
The defenders did their best, but Akitol was forced to signal a tactical retreat. Otherwise known as the 'OH MY GOD, THEY'RE TOO MANY AND WE'RE GONNA' GET OUR ARSES RIPPED IN HALF IF WE DON'T RUN' command.
The ships remained at the edge of 'Nid space, occasionally making small runs against the bioships. But they could not stop the inevitable invasion.


Unspeakable hordes of bugs were sent to the surface. Every point of the planet was facing countless of the Devourer's creatures. And unbeknowst to our heroes, the largest batch was moving towards Eagle hill.

- - -

The legion was coming, their carapace blood red, their skin dark blue. Countless maws were opened, countless talons ready to sink into flesh. And over half a mile in front of the defensive positions, stood Ugu and Muskit, with the greatest plan ever.
“Okay. Go, Ugu!”
The little squig ran further towards the approaching horde. A Warrior in the front sent a psychic signal to the rest of the horde, saying 'STOP!'. The thousands of creatures stopped right there. And Ugu roared at them. Another Warrior came to the front and the pair of synapse creatures looked at each other. And their jaws produced a sort of cackling sound. Soon, the small gaunts joined in, producing a sort of cacophony.
Ugu was not pleased. His tiny legs bent and he leaped into the air, teeth ready. He flew over the pair of Warriors, who stared upwards, utterly amazed, and landed on a Carnifex several feet behind them. On its head, to be precise, teeth first.
The massive beast went into a pain-filled frenzy, stomping on smaller creatures and slashing in every direction with its blades, beheading both of the Warriors with a single such attack. The small gaunts below were thrown into chaos and started clawing and shooting each other. Ugu let go of the monster's head and the 'Fex crashed into a large pile of rocks. The little squig then used the small 'Nids below as trampolines and hopped towards Muskit.
The slugga boy caught the little guy and immediately started running in the opposite direction.
“Gud work, squiggy! Youz gonna' get extra meaty bitz tonight.”
A licking of a green cheek showed the squig's joy.

After the brief show of chaos, five more Warriors restored order. And the horde continued onward, seemingly unstoppable.
Rakul stood behind the first defensive line, ready to fire a doombolt.
“Okay. Remember, kill the big ones and we gain a few seconds for breathing! Let none pass!”
“We'z won't! WAAAAAAAGHHHHHHH!!!!”
Soldiers of four factions unleashed volleys of fire against the approaching hordes. The battle would surely be epic.


Gobroz sat behind the last line, since he had no weapon to attack with. And fighting those things in hand-to-hand combat hardly seemed ideal. And his thoughts drifted into the distant past, to the times when he had gotten the first version of his favorite shoota'.

- - - - -

It was a sunny day in the ork fort... camp... thing. And a fine day for orky school, where the youngest of the orkies could learn the basics of battlefield stompin'. Classes included Smashin', Choppin', Stompin', Screamin', Shootin' and many others.
And while Nagosh attended most of the aforementioned classes, Gobroz only needed one, since he was already more cunning and smarter than everyone else. And that class was Shootin'.

The relatively small group of sixteen orks sat on small piles of scrap metal, which had been given to the school by mek Dargod, who had already found a technical rival in a young ork named Darug.
In front of the small group were many blackboards with all sorts of drawings. And their teacher, Hagrun Gunkilla', a former Deathskull and expert Loota'.
“Okay, kiddoz. Today, we'z gunna' talk about gun-typez. Now, before we getz to da true, orky gunz, I'z gunna' talk 'bout gunz da oda' raceez use. Any questunz?” one hand was raised, “yeh, Logzob?”
“Can Iz 'ave mah pen bit back?”
“Wot pen bit? Da one Iz 'ave 'az been mine fer yeerz! Anywayz, let'z get started!” the teacher moved to the leftmost blackboard, a small metallic stick in hand, “now, first, come da 'umie gunz.” the board was completely filled with drawings of bolters, shotguns, sniper rifles etcetera, “da 'umiez is stoopid, 'cuz deyz 'ave all dese gunz. An' dey neva' know which ta use when, so deyz always muckin' about. And we shoot 'em when deyz muckin' about. Simple as dat. Got dat?”
“Yeh, teech!” said the whole class.
“Gud!” he moved to another board, “now come da gitz wif dem pointy eerz. Wot dey called?”
“Oh, yeh! Dat'z right! Fankz, Gobroz! Well, deyz all use some hot thingyz in deir gunz, or deyz shoot beamy stuff. Or rokkitz. Da darky Eldurz are more fun ta fight, dough. Anyway, dat'z dat. Kay?”
“Kay! Now come da skeletun boyz. Dose only 'ave one gun, so deyz never muckin' about. And deyz fun ta fight. Also, da gun is pretty an' green, so skeletun boyz are cool.” the whole class stared at the badly drawn gauss flayer. It seemed quite deadly, “Hmmm... wot next? Chaos boyz use da same as oda' 'umiez, but deyz 'ave daemunz, so deyz funner ta fight! Uhhh... bug boyz use icky stuff. Oh, woteva', let'z get ta our gunz already!”
“Now, unlike most 'umiez fink, we'z use only five typez a' gunz. Dese are easy ta unda'stand, so wez can fight anywhere, anytime.”
“Mah wordz exactley! Now,” the stick moved onto a shoota'-picture, “da smallist typez a' gunz are shooty gunz. Deyz only gud egenst squishy bitz,” he now pointed at images of an imperial guardsman and a tyranid gaunt, “sluggaz and shootaz are fine exampulz of shooty gunz. Da secod categorey are bigga' shooty gunz,” the drawing looked like a big shoota', if one would use their imagination, “yeh, gunz like dat are 'eavy shootaz. Deyz gud fer killin' squishy bitz, but can also kill da mahreeneyz and can make dentz in tankz and metal bawxez,” the stick pointed at a space marine, a Leman Russ tank and then a Rhino transport, ”den come rokkit gunz.” the image just showed a big rocket, “yeh, dese are gud egenst tankz and metal bawxez, but youz can;t take dat much ammo bitz wif ya, so it ain't so gud fer killin' squishy bitz.”
“Yehyehyehyeheyeheyeh!” they shouted while nodding.
“Excellent! Now come me favorite gunz. Beamy gunz!” above a thick yellow line, letters said 'Beamy bit', “dese are da best gunz. Deyz kill squishy bitz, deyz kill mahreeneyz, deyz kill tankz an' metal bawxez. And youz neva' ru outta' ammo bitz.”
“Why, teach?”
“Well, Snagron, youz just hafta' let da fingy in da gun recharge. Afta' dat, youz can shoot egen. Dough, deyz a bit slow ta shoot. Hmmm? Yes, Gobroz?”
“An' wot'z da last type?”
“Oh, right. Da last type a' gunz, are Dakka gunz.” the image was so big, it almost couldn't fit on the blackboard, “well, deyz kill anyfin', too. An' make great noise while doin' dat. Hmmm... if dey didn't need reloadin', I'd get one, in fact. Anyway, Loota deffgunz, da kustom shootaz flashgitz 'ave, dose are Dakka gunz. Now, Iz 'ave a surprise fer ya.”
“Surpise quizy bit!” the class was full of horror... except for Gobroz, “an' da one who does best,” everyone I the room looked at the future flashgit, “will get a specul sumthin'! Now, let'z get dese papa'z to ya...”

The papers were given. All of the orks moved their pen-holding hands rapidly, trying to be first. But Gobroz had finished in five minutes. This time included trying to make his pen write. And when the tests were assembled, Hagrun went straight for Gobroz's test. And his eyes went wide.
“Wot'z da matta'? Gobroz made a mistakey bit?!”
There was utter silence.
“Nah. In facty, he corrected one a' me questunz... I guess he winz! Dismissed!”

When the other orks left, tears still in their eyes, Hagrun took out the prize. Gobroz was left speechless. A huge, shiny, silver kustom shoota'.
“Yeh! Dis is your rewardy bit! Take care of it! An' between da two of us, I just needed ta get rid of it.”
“Its owna' ain't happy.”
“Oh, well... see ya lata', teach!”

Gobroz ran out of the classroom and almost immediately met Nagosh and Muskit, coming out of the Smashin' classroom.
“Oy! Gobroz! Fine gun ya 'ave dere!”
“Fankz, Muskit! Teach gave it ta me! Flasgit Dakka gun!”
“So, youz a flashgit now?”
“I suppose, Nagosh.”
The largest ork of the trio grinned.
“Flashgit Gobroz... heh, dat soundz gud.”
“Yeh. Let'z go get sum squig pie!”
And the three ran off, ready to bury their teeth into a delicious meal.


And so, the shootaless flashgit sat there, sat. And suddenly, an armoured boot appeared in his field of vision. He looked up to see Darug... carrying an item only too dear to Gobroz. But it looked quite different, in a very good way.
“Darug! Is dat...?!”
“Yeh! Dis is yer shoota'! Iz upgreded it a bit, dough.”
A bit was an understatement. The base of the gun looked like a gattling cannon, with bits added from Tau pulse rifles. On that, there was something which looked like a flamethrower, but with some kind of added firing chamber or whatnot. And a large, second barrel could also be found.
“It'z incredibul...”
“Yeh. Youz can shoot da pulsey stuff, but also 'ave two more weaponz. Da firespitta', as I called it, which can spit flamey stuff for up to a hundred yardzez. And dis oda' fing, is a beamy gun.”
“How'd ya get da beamy stuff?”
Darug thought about telling he he just miniaturized a Tau Hammerhead's weapon... while turning the rest of the hovertank into scrap metal, but decided not to.
“Secwet. Now, I'z gonna stand 'ere. Show me wot dis gun can do!”
“Fankz, Darug!”

Gobroz ran off and soon made his way to the first defense line. Everyone stared at his shoota' in awe. When Rakul and Nagosh spotted the gun, they were more than in awe.
“Flashgit Gobroz... dat'z one big gun!”
“Yeah... get it over here and start shooting!”
Gobroz put the gun down on some sandbags. A few gaunts before the defense line froze in place. And with a single pull of a trigger, Hell was unleashed. Uncoutable pulse rounds tore into the horde, mercilessly destroying anything in their path. Gobroz then clicked a secod button and a ball of flame was shot.
The fireball flew over the main horde and hit a certain, now-blind Carnifex in the face. The whole beast was set aflame and proceeded to go into a rampage, again. It even stepped on a Zoanthrope.
And with a third click, a red beam, which was faster than any other beam, because, you know, it was red, so it was actually faster than light (take that, science!), shot from the weapon and annihilated a Warrior's head.
“Dat gun is dead killy!”
“Yeh, boss! Hahahaaaaaah! DAKKA DAKKA DAKKAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!”
“He is losing it.”

But the Hive Mind recognized this new threat. And concentrated its forces into the heroes' area, while still leaving enough other creatures to keep the rest of the defensive positions busy.
And unbeknowst to even the Hive Mind, reinforcements were coming.


Several Biel-Tan strike craft remained cloaked above the planet's surface, merely watching the hive fleet unload its massive cargo against the defenders, while the considerably smaller fleet was doing hit and run attacks. But overall, the Tyranids appeared to be winning.
On the strike fleet's command cruiser, Farseer Macha watched the situation, along with a couple of Warlocks and several hand-picked Exarchs. The Farseer gripped her Singing Spear and asked:
“Ash'nu, have we been able to contact them through one of their communication devices?”
“We have picked up a signal from one device. One that is close to the most plentiful Tyranid horde. But it seems, that the battle is too fierce for anyone to respond.”
“Can we at least get a visual?”
The screen flickered to life... and showed a golden Necron lord, casually stabbing a Ravener in the head.
“Stupid things... maaaybe this is why they waaanted the universe free of life. No, waaait, they were just hungry.”
“A talking Necron?!” Screamed or thought all in the room.
The skeleton's head then looked at the screen, noticing small flashing lights.
“Uhhhh... I wonder whaaat thaaat means. Hey, Rakul!”
The sorcerer was in the background, showering gaunts with doombolts.
“But... this thingy is flaaashing.”
“Why didn't ya say so?”

Macha was surprised, as well as the other Eldar.
“That is the voice, which asked for aid.”
“Hmmm... the sorcerer from Akhalam. What does this mean?” the Thousand Son came closer and clicked a button. But there was no surprised reaction, “was he expecting us?”
The truth was quite different.
“Sangus! Throw me something sharp and pointy, this damned thing ain't working!”
“Kay. Caaaaatch!”
A claw, which had previously belonged to a Ravener, neatly flew into Rakul's hand and the sorcerer pierced some piece of machinery. Tartaro was intrigued.
“Whaaat aaare you doing?”
“It's called field repairs! Now I just have to...” a single kick and the pierced machine lit up, along with the screen on their side, “that's bette... woah! Eldar!”
“Most interesting. Now, I'm going to hunt more of those snaaake things. Their body can bend in the most peculiaaar aaangles.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Okay... uhhh. Could you send a guardian or two, I'm sure...” suddenly, a small Termagant leaped at him from the side, trying to sink its claws into him, “why you little piece of!” the critter was grabbed, charged with warp energy and then thrown like a grenade, exploding in the midst of the horde, “owned! Now, where were we... wait... I've seen you somewhere, Warlock.”
“That is a possibility, sorcerer.”
“Yeah... you kicked my arse back on Akhalam, right?”
“Perhaps. But how did you...?”
“Cool. Listen. Help us!”
“Why should we, servant of Chaos?”
“Oh, for crying out... Nagosh!”
As that name was said, the Warlock and three Exarchs became a bit more worried about the situation down there. A huge ork suddenly came into, carrying a Carnifex.
“Wot is it?”
“These are your acquaintances, right?”
“Lemme' see!” the warboss threw the Carnifex, which rolled on the ground for over fifty yards, crushing all in its path, and then came to the screen, “oy! Pointy 'elmetz! Ash'nu!”
“How do you know it's me?”
“You'z got dat weird 'orn on yer pointy 'elmet. Iz haven't seen any oda' pointy 'elmet wif it.”
“I guess that makes sense...”
Suddenly, a scream could be heard:
“Uh oh... Iz fink flashgit Gobroz has lost it.”
“Brilliant deductive mind, warboss. So, will ya help us?”
Before an answer could come, Muskit's voice came:
“Boss! Icky bit, comin' yer way!”
“Oh, Tzeentch!”
The transmission was suddenly cancelled.
The Warlock stood there for a while.
“I'm going down there.”
Macha immediately looked at the Warlock.
“For whom? A band of orks?”
“That band of orks was probably the reason we won on Akhalam. And I'm going to help them. Who else is with me?”
A brief silence Then, three Exarchs stepped from the group. A Howling Banshee, a Warp Spider and a Swooping Hawk.
“We'll go!” they said in unison.
“I wanna' see Ugu again!”
“Old friends need helping.”
And the spider just nodded. Macha was, somehow, surprised. Why hadn't she seen this coming?
“Fine, then. You three, take squads of your respective warrior shrines. Ash'nu, you take two more Dire Avenger squads. I shall join you, as well.”
“Join us, Farseer?”
“Something about that sorcerer is strange. I shall observe him closely.”
“Understood. Move out!”
And so, the Eldar entered the fray, bringing their sneeze-destroyable tanks and psychic powers to bear on the enemy.


An ancient Webway gate near Eagle hill suddenly came to life, sending forth a small host of Eldar. Macha watched the battlefield below, her wraithbone armour shining, while Ash'nu devised a battle plan.
“Okay, me, the Farseer and the Dire Avengers will make our way down this path. Banshees, go ahead of us and clear any opposition. Hawks and Spiders, strike fast and hard.”
“Got it.”
The Hawks flew into the air and rained death at the bugs below, while the Spiders warped just behind the first defence line, startling defenders and bolstering defences.

Gobroz was busy being insane and showering enemy troops, until a certain Spider Exarch came close and slapped him.
“Ow! Wot was dat for?!”
“To snap you out of it. Long time no see.”
“Lokan! Youz talkin'!”
“Only occasionally. Now, let's get back to shooting, shall we?”

Muskit was clobbering a group of gaunts, while Ugu kept jumping on Warriors' heads. But then, the little squig noticed a familiar entity. Somehow, through her armour, even through the chaos of battle, he noticed Kilina. And the black ball with legs ran, jumped on heads and bit any foe. And so, he stood there, upon a warrior's corpse.
The Banshee Exarch immediately squealed:
“UGU! C'mere you little bugger!”
The squig jumped right into her arms and started licking her helmet. This made the other banshees form a circle of 'HOW CUTE!' at the most inopportune time, leaving the defending forces, and Altian, to defend them.
“Ladies! Fight first, then admire the black skinball!” the Hawk shouted, fending off a Ravener at the same time.
“Oh, sorry, you flying rescuer, you. Ugu, bite!”
The sharpest teeth this side of the galaxy were shown to the snake beast, which promptly started digging a tunnel out of fear. But it was too slow.

- - - - -

Now, let us have a minute of silence for this poor Ravener, which had been turned into a new chew toy.

There, that should suffice.

- - - - -

Nagosh shot a few rounds from his cannon-arm, tearing man-sized holes in a Carnifex. Then, a spear stabbed a Warrior to his left.
“Hello there, Nagosh!”
“Oy! 'ullo, Ash'nu! Wot ya doin'?”
“Killing Tyranids at your side. You?”
“Findin' a Karnifexo ta lift. Deyz pretty stupid, too.”

As the Dire Avengers filled critical gaps in the defence lines, the Farseer moved to the first line, straight to a certain sorcerer. The psyker in question was busy shooting Doombolts at a Zoanthrope, scoring a direct hit and destroying the foul beast. And then screaming 'Owned!'.
She approached slowly, then spoke:
“Hmm?” he turned towards the voice and saw the female figure. Quite some curves, she had, “Farseer, I presume?”
“Yes. Macha.”
“Rakul. Rakul Manek. Now, if you'd be so nice to give me a little help with blasting these damned things, I'd be indebted to ya.”
“Very well. Die, wretched spawn of the Devourer!”
A vortex of psychic energies formed in the middle of the horde and soon released lightning into the area and fried any bug too slow to leave. She stood there, a bit proud of her work.
“Not bad at all.” he suddenly caught a gaunt which almost munched on her helmet, “but you have to remember to always be aware of what's jumping onto you.”
Like before, he charged the critter with Warp energies and threw it into the horde.

And the battle was just beginning.

Last edited by Tau22; 02-07-10 at 03:26 PM.
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Chapta' 7 - MOAR, MOAR

The plains of Chaos seemed rather peaceful that day. If one ignored the screams of agony, pleasure, or both combined, Slaanesh's realm would actually look quite romantic. A permanent, blue dawn, accompanied by purple. Lots of purple. In fact, everything was purple. The ground, the singing plants, the damned mosquitoes. Everything.
Well, there was one exception to the rule. A massive villa built upon a small hill. Each of its walls was painted with a different colour, making it look like some strange work of art. Bad art. Surrounded by a maze made out of red bushes and blue flowers, it was quite different indeed. Normally, one would have to traverse the maze to get to the building... but Nebulon didn't have the time or patience for that.

He just went forward, slashing anything in his path with the massive runic axe, Mithara close behind. After a minute or two of slashing, the plants themselves moved to avoid the black Bloodletter's fury. In less than two minutes they were at the main gate, which was part black, part silver.
His black fist connected with steel three times, sending echoes throughout the surrounding landscape. After a few seconds, the gate started opening. Soon, a Daemonette came into view, dressed in a black and white, typical maid outfit. Her eyes first drifted to Nebulon.
“I am sorry, but the master does not6 wish to be disturbed. I hope you under-” her head turned to Mithara and a smile appeared on her face, “Mith, is that you?”
“It is, Hall!”
The two moved closer and hugged each other, visibly overjoyed.
“I haven't seen you in months! What brings you here?”
“Me and Neby came to ask help for Rakul and stuff.”
“I see. Well, come right in!”
The two went in, chatting about stuff. Nebulon scratched the back of his head, mildly confused, and then entered, as well.

The inside was littered with paintings of every colour and type, statues of all shapes, sizes and themes and Daemonettes wearing the same maid costumes, running here and there, cleaning, polishing, washing and looking for where they should be doing the above things. Nebulon just gazed passively at the stuff around, while the two whispered.
“You didn't tell me he was so handsome!”
“On purpose. He's mine, ya know.”
“Oh, don't worry, silly! I know that all too well! And I don't think he'd even think of doing something behind your back.”
“We're close to the master's inner chambers. We should... hear his antics soon.” an explosion-like racket suddenly made its way throughout the villa, startling the two, while the maids seemed accustomed to it, “indeed.”
A scream soon followed:
“Wooooooooooohhhhhhhhh! I LOOOOOOOOVE kittens in LSD! MAKES ME GO WIIIIIIIIILD!”

The only Bloodletter frowned.
“Haaaah... let's get this over with.”
Ignoring Hall's warning, he came close to a large green door and knocked. If by 'knock', you understand 'punch with such force that the door falls out of its hinges'. Daemonettes all around gazed in surprise and shock as he entered, Mithara and Hall close behind. There were more maids in the room, but the dominant figure was one upon a throne of chicken bones and kitten skins, all drenched in LSD. He had his armour on, as always, and the flames of his skull seemed to be larger than last time. He watched them with mild annoyance.
“I thought I made myself clear about no visitors.”
“They insisted, master!”
The champion's eyes flashed.
“Hey! Your business is with me!”
Doomrider leaned closer to them, sparks flying around him.
“Hey, you're that sorcerer's annoying daemon. I thought I had made my stance of 'I don't give a damn about your problems' perfectly clear by not answering three summonings. I am not fighting those orks again.”
“If you had answered, you'd know we are fighting WITH the orks now, against Tyranids. Lots of 'em, too.”
The daemon prince stood up and walked closer, his hand making movements in random directions.
“Even worse! You expect me to fight an enemy, which utterly humiliated me?! To just throw away all that and say, 'Hey, we're fwiendz nao!'?! Not a chance!” his eyes drifted to Mithara and examined her body, “then again, if you made it worth my while...”

Mithara wanted to put on a disgusted look, but that was replaced by a face of surprise, as Nebulon caught Doom rider by the neck and lifted him off the ground, the flames becoming smaller by the second.
“Okay, now I am angry.”
“Oh, come on, Nebulon! It was just a joke! Come on, Neby!”
Mithara gasped. The nickname she had given him... and only she could say. Otherwise... terrible things happened.
“Okay, that does it.”
Nebulon slowly walked to the main gate, Doomrider still in the air.

“Mith... what's he gonna' do?”
“Something bad. My Neby is so cute when he's mad!”
While she daydreamed, the others simply listened to the terrible sounds that came next. Those sounds were reminiscent of cracking bones, screams of agony and shouts like 'Not the horns!', 'My third heart!' and 'My pankreas should not be there!'.
In ten minutes, Doomrider walked... err, hopped back inside on one hand, looking like a knot. Nebulon just watched the scene, an evil grin on his face.
“Fine... I'll help, I'LL HELP!”
“Very good! Let's go, Mith!”
With that 'Oh my Chaos god, I love him!' look on her face, they left the villa, leaving many maids to try and untie their master. With mixed results.


The battle was still raging, with minor reinforcements for the defenders coming from all forces. Darug had built something vaguely reminiscent of a gun and was prepared to test fire it.
“Redy. Set. FIRAAAAAA'!”
Smoke filled the cannon's surroundings as a special piece of ammunition was shot. What was it? Here's a hint: it was black, round and had lots of pointy teeth. The little squig flew above the Tyranid battle lines, straight at a Zoanthrope. The synapse creature was readying a powerful warpal blast, but Ugu impacted soon enough to change the beam's target from the defence lines to the middle of a horde of gaunts. The small creatures were sent flying everywhere and Ugu hoped back to his friends, landing on many more gaunts on the way. Muskit caught him and ran behind the main line, covered by bolter rounds and shurikens.

Within the base, many were resting or getting their wounds treated within a hastily built tent. Among the ordinary troops, farseer Macha sat, regaining lost energy. She was lucky, for many around her were missing limbs. Suddenly, a blue and gold figure appeared in the entrance, one of his shoulder-pads missing.
“Stupid Raveners... attack from every direction.” in his hand, he held the remains of a power sword. The sorcerer turned to a nearby Aspiring champion, who had a similar weapon, but intact, “hey, give me that.”
“But, sir! This is my sword!”
“I'll trade it for a Ravener claw.”
He pulled said item out of his armor.
The champion plunged the sword into the ground, took the claw and ran outside, only to get cut in half by a Carnifex moments later.
“Poor sod.”
He sat next to her, resting as well. Rakul then noticed she no longer had her helmet on and her crimson hair went down to the middle of her back. How the Warp could she fit that inside the helmet? She noticed his stare and asked:
“Oh, nothing. Just wondering why you have stripes on your cheeks.”
“I just like the way it looks. You have a problem with that?”
“Not at all. They suit you.” he noticed, that a few of the surrounding wounded were looking at them, “quit staring before I gouge your eyes out!”
Before she could reply, a monstrous roar echoed throughout the landscape, followed by a 'Not delicious!'. Both psykers rose and rushed outside, weapons ready. There, they saw Carito screaming and pointing towards the sky. A massive swarm of gargoyles flew towards them, lead by nothing less than a winged Hive Tyrant, whose four arms were each a different weapon.
While she readied her spear, Rakul started shouting orders:
“Okay, idiots, regroup! Carito! Get some men and start shooting the small ones! Me and Macha here will take the Tyrant!”
Many marines didn't even wait for Carito to come close. Considering the airborne swarm's size, that was no surprise. The Tyrant came ever closer, not hindered by small arms fire. It then came crashing down upon them, crushing a pair of avengers under its clawed feet. The beast's single eye watched the two opponents before it and then its jaws opened with a deafening roar.
“This was a bad idea, eh?”
Its massive scything talons slashed at them, but they dodged just in time. A barbed strangler and venom cannon shot at both independently, while it tried to get close to either combatant. Macha released a bolt of psychic energy against her foe, but that merely scorched its hide. Rakul's doombolt had a similar effect.
He tried to strike it from the back, but its tail swept him away with no effort. His body smashed against a rock and he started getting up. With a flap of its wings, he saw Macha go to the ground, the wind too strong. The massive talons rose into the air, ready to cut her in half. That simply would not do. His armoured boots impacted the ground rapidly and his power sword went into a blocking position in the last second.
The Tyrant's strike was brutal, powerful enough to destroy the power sword and strike Rakul's helmet, pushing him several feet back and sending him to the ground. Macha and many surrounding troops gasped, but found a hint of relief when he got up again, the helmet cracked. And he threw away the sword and took it off.
Shoulder-length hair appeared from under it and two blue eyes watched the monster. His pale skin coloured by a small trickle of blood. He was definitely not pleased.
“Time for drastic measures.” he whispered and, fighting the urge to scream 'By the power of Grayskull!', he raised one of his hands, sending psychic signals into the Warp at the same time.


Tzeentch knew what the sorcerer wanted. Rakul had earned the item within his labyrinth, after all. And requesting the object meant only one thing... Crap just got serious. All four of the Changer's arms went into the air.
“Very well, Rakul! Receive your blade!”
Chaos energies filled the room and their effects soon appeared within the normal world. Gmork and the other gods just kept looking, waiting for something to happen.


Chaos lightning struck his palm, but went no further. In moments, a magnificent weapon had formed. Made from the finest of mortal weapons and imbued with the power of nine hundred and ninety-nine daemons, it shone in a blue hue. Energy crackled along the sword's blade and red runes glowed. His armoured fingers gripped the golden hilt and pointed the sword straight at the beast.

Sangus stared from afar.
“Damnit! I want a weapon like that!” he then proceeded with venting his anger on a Carnifex's head.

It roared yet again and charged, talons ready to tear him to pieces. But Rakul was the true attacker. He gripped the daemonic sword with both hands and slashed at the monster. Its claws rose to defend it, but the blade went straight through, easily biting deep into the flesh beneath the carapace. The Tyrant roared in anger and tried to bite his unprotected head off.
Rakul, however, dodged and grabbed onto the thing's wing, then pulled himself up. It tried to shake him off, but the sorcerer's grip was firm and the blade shone in his hand. With one last strike, he plunged it through the Tyrant's skull. The masses above grew disorganized and started attacking everything around them, including their own kind.

The beast's corpse fell to the ground and he stood upon it, looking awesome. He then did a victory pose, jumped down and walked closer to the farseer.
“You okay?”
“Y-yes. Thank you.”
“No problem. You owe me a helmet, though.”


Not too far from the site of the epic battle, Nagosh charged against the Tyranid battle lines. His choppa' swung in every direction, his bullets flew at any target, his feet crushed smaller creatures. A Carnifex suddenly stood in his way, but he did not slow down. Rather, he sped up and crashed straight into the beast. As mighty as the bio-beast was, it could not stop the ork and soon felt its body get pushed. It tried in vain to stop the ork, the ground parting under its claws.
Several warriors stood in their path, Warp-bent on stopping the insanity. But it was of no use, for not even these reinforcements could stop the ork. Soon, Biovores, a Zoanthrope, several Genestealers and uncountable tiny Gaunts joined this small 'train'. But the warboss showed no sign of stopping. That is, until they hit a rock wall. The whole mass came to a halt, Nagosh slowly realising he was surrounded by a horde of bugs.

And he grinned.

The ones at the first defence line watched as all kinds of 'Nids started flying into the air. A small gap started forming between Nagosh and the bugs and he headed back to base, looking epic.


On the plains of unified Chaos, there stood a lonely bar, filled with all kinds of daemons. From Plaguebearers to Flamers, from Bloodletters to Nurglings. Two new figures entered the building, a black Bloodletter Champion and a pink Daemonette. Many eyes turned their way, intrigued by such travellers. One table had a pair of free seats and a group of war veterans at it, many scars on their bodies. And one gouged eye.
One of the daemons waved at them and they came closer. The one-eyed Bloodletter called:
“Well, if it ain't pretty boy Nebulon!”
“Hey, ain't my fault you threw yourself against the heavy bolter emplacement, Kran.”
All of them laughed.
“Hahahahahah! That's true! And you must be Mithara! Big, black and ugly tells us lots about ya!”
she merely giggled, “take a seat, friends!” they did so, to the joy of all at the table, “so, why have ya come to this distant piece of nowhere?”
“Well... we need help.”
A Plaguebearer in the corner shouted:
“Typicaaal. And whaaat would you need help with?”
“Oh, just smashing a Tyranid horde, is all.”
There was a brief silence, which was interrupted by a waiter, who looked like a cross between a fungus and a pig.
“Can I get ya something?”
“Warpal beer.”
“And for the charming lady?”
“Just blood, please.”
“As you wish.”
The pig-thing left, leaving Kran to reply, two tusks shaped in a grin-like face:
“How many of 'em?”
“Large Hive fleet. I'd say about twice as large as what we're used to.”
“Oh, sounds fun. Whaddaya' say, guys?”
Those at the tables did many different things. Roar with joy, bash the wood with their fists and simply nodding being one of those actions.
“I guess that's a 'HELL YES!'.”
“Oh, indeed, pretty boy. We'll round up a few of our mates and then join ya... where are we going, anyway?”
“Planet's name is Carridia.”
“Hey, I think I was on a raid there, one time! Okay, settled! Now...” the waiter brought the two drinks, “just in time! I'll pay for those!”
“Only for the beer, Kran. Lady's drink is on the house.”
“What can I say? Being pretty has its advantages!”
Laughter filled the bar as their glasses hit each other in the air and as drinks flowed down their throats.

Not a good day for Haxxor... for many allies were heading for Carridia. Not a good day at all.

Last edited by Tau22; 02-07-10 at 03:27 PM.
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This thread is now officially revived with almost all the rest of the story!
Sorry for being idle.

Chapta' 8 - Big, BIG troublez!

The four gods and goddess watched the great spectacle, eating pop corn, pretzels, bird seed, random passing demons and snot, in Nurgle's case. All was going surprisingly well, with the Tyranid horde taking substantial losses. The many defending armies, especially those stationed at Egle hill, proved to be a foe unmatched, fighting with a fury unseen since Khorne's last blood beer-fest. The bugs would not win. Or perhaps?
“I say, this is going marvellously well!”
“Yeh, yeh. Pass da' pretzly bitz, birdy-fing!”
“Of course, here you- what the,” the pretzels flew all over Gmork, who was too happy to notice anything was wrong. He could feel some new, powerful entity. Tzeentch's arms went into the air, “show me the source!”
“What's going on, Tzeentchey?”
“We'll soon see,” the image in the orb shifted, showing the insect fleet. Attached to the fleet's mothership, the five saw something resembling an egg, but of incredible size, bigger than some of the surrounding hive ships, “well, whatever it is, it can't be good.”
“I dunno' beak-boy. The fight could be fun to look at.”
“Everything involving huge monsters is fun in your book!”


The allied fleet saw the very same image and Akitol had the egg as priority number one on his 'Crap that needs blowing up' list. But the Haxxor fleet let nothing pass. Fighter squadrons were annihilated by massive spore-clouds, while larger ships risked getting rammed by countless bioships. And every one of them was There was nothing they could do. Well, except for plan C, 'run around the bridge for a few minutes, screaming like a little girl, and then call those on the ground and start preparing funerals'. Akitol was ready for any situation, really.
The massive egg then detached from the bioship and headed straight for Carridia. Not good at all.


The sorcerer was resting within the command centre, holding two items. His still-damaged helmet and the daemonic blade, which feasted on the blood covering its warped metal. Which was a bit creepy. Seriously.
Suddenly, there came a beep from the now-somewhat-repaired console. That meant, the damned thing was stuck together by chewing gum. Seemed to work, though. Rakul walked over to it and clicked a few buttons, making Akitol's face appear on the screen.
“What's is it, Akitol?”
“We may have a big problem. A BIG problem. Some kind of... egg has been released from the largest bioship. It's heading straight for you.”
“Oh, goody. How big is it, exactly?”
“Can you imagine a Warlord titan?”
Rakul's eyes grew wide in seconds.
“You can't be serious!”
“I'm sorry, sir., but I am. Good luck. 'Twas an honour serving under you.”
“You sure know how to raise morale. Rakul, out,” with that, he rushed outside and spotted Macha a bit farther, resting, as well. Running to her, he shouted, “we need to boost our defences and start calling reinforcements!”
“What, why?”
“We're in deep, deep crap,” many soldiers around him started pointing to the sky. The two psykers turned and saw a massive, flaming orb in the sky, “scratch that order, we're dead.”
Many of the defenders stopped attacking, choosing instead to gaze at the massive object. Even Nagosh did so, while in the middle of the horde and holding a Carnifex. The egg then crashed into the ground, sending a massive shock-wave of dust, Tyranids and other such objects everywhere. But Nagosh still stood there, impervious to the power. And when it all settled, a nightmare was in view.

The creature was massive and stood on eight thick, armoured legs. Its hide was covered by uncountable bio-weapons and spore-releasing glands, all ready to annihilate any opposition. The monster gazed at the small, green ork before it with several large, green eyes. Its jaws were filled with man-sized teeth, which were probably strong enough to bite through a Baneblade's armour. The abomination roared with force enough to smash rock. Yet the warboss stood. The roar ended and he shouted:
“Ya fink I'z afraid of ya? Fink again, bug-boy! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH,” he charged and punched the beast straight in one of its teeth. A small crack appeared on its surface, but otherwise, nothing, “okay, maybe I'z a itzy bitzy bit afraid. Uhhh... I'z gonna' go now.”
With that, he ran in the opposite direction, the beast roaring behind his back. One of its legs then rose from the ground and came down with a deafening crash. The defenders looked at it in horror, many contemplating retreat. That would not do.

Rakul saw the fear in their eyes and something had to be done about it. And so, he sent a psychic message to all around. The psykers felt it in particular, but all could sense it:
“Warriors! I know what you feel! Utter horror and despair grips your very souls! But now is not the time for retreat! If we fall, everything else goes with us! These beasts will evolve further, perfecting the ork genome within them and shall be unstoppable! I will not lie, the odds are against us! But a mere surrender will only mean our demise! So, I say, fight! Fight for Chaos, for the Greater Good, for the Emperor, for Squig pies! Let's show these disgusting monster what we've got!”
Macha smiled at him.
“Quite a 'speech'.”
“Well, thank you.”

“Yeeeeeeh! Dakka dakka dakkaaaaaaa!”
Gobroz's massive gun was the first to unleash volleys of bullets and las-beams at the bio-titan, but the rest of the force soon joined in, unleashing massive storm of projectiles at the beast. It didn't seem to mind, though.
“Ya redy, Ugu?” asked Muskit, with a wide grin.
The little squig nodded and was soon loaded into the experimental cannon once again. One shot later, the black ball flew threw the air and landed upon the Tyranid's head, though, the creature didn't seem to notice. That soon changed, however, as Ugu jumped on one of its eyes, enraging it quite a bit. Its head moved in every direction and Ugu managed to hold on for a while, before finally getting catapulted onto the beast's back.
The little black squig looked around, a bit dazed. He was still on the thing's back, which certainly wasn't good. But then, he noticed another being nearby. Golden hide, blue chitinous armour. Claws too weak to even scratch. Huge, black eyes staring straight at the squig. The creature was even smaller than Ugu. And it let out a high-pitched squeak. Ugu growled back. It seemed... amused and squeaked again.

One Banshee was not very happy about that.
“Oh, no! Uguuuuu! Someone has to save him!”
Altian was nearby, along with several other Swooping Hawks, getting ready for an aerial assault. He turned to Kilina and spoke:
“Don't you worry! I'll get him on my way back.”
“Oh, you're the best.”
“Okay, Hawks! Let's show that thing what our grenades look like from up close!”
Their jetpacks fired up and the aspects rose to the sky, with their Exarch in the front. It took them seconds to reach the bio-titan, yet it seemed like eternity. Then, all Chaos broke loose. The air was filled with spikes, spores and venom-bolts, which were nearly impossible to dodge. But they were trained for such situations. The grenade launchers strapped to their legs released their explosive payload, but it did little else than scorch its chitinous hide. Several screams came from his brethren. This was useless. Telling the others to retreat, they followed the order. He still had one mission, however.
And its target was already in sight. A black ball... along with another, even smaller creature. What was that other thing? No matter, he was only here for the squig. Descending, he quickly grabbed Ugu and then rose back up. Unbeknownst to him, Ugu managed to grab the other critter with his little feet, so the Hawk Exarch now carried both. He flew over the beast's head, but this time, not all went as planned. One of the spikes pierced his left wing and Altian lost control. A few Tau soldiers stepped out of the way just in time, while the Eldar crashed into the ground, the two critters falling close to Rakul and Macha. Kilina forgot about the cute critters and rushed towards the fallen Hawk.
“Altian, are you alright?”
“Just a few fractured ribs. I'll live.”

Meanwhile, two psykers and Muskit watched the two tiny creatures.
“Oy, Ugu! Who'z dis?”
“It's even smaller than the squig. Strange,” the black ball roared and then started jumping, the little Tyranid mimicking him, “though, it is rather cute.”
“Looks creepy, if you ask me,” the little bug seemed offended and Rakul suddenly got a quite large headache, “ow, what the?!”
“You feel it, too? Is that little critter...?”
“A synapse creature, yes. Owwww... okay, okay, you're the cutest little bastard in the universe. Now stop,” it roared in delight and the pain went away, “a psyker on such a small scale. Incredible!”
“Oh, look at that little cutie,” the Banshee Exarch grabbed the little 'nid and squeezed. Ugu looked on with sorrow, “oh, come here, you idiot,” the black ball happily obliged, “see? We're all happy now! I'll call you Bitey!”
The most pimped out Necron lord pointed with his finger.
“I haaate myself for breaaaking such aaa cute moment, but we're aaall going to die.”

The bio-titan was indeed almost upon them, its many weapons already felling defenders. There was nothing they could do to stop it. After all, Nagosh was already pushing against its legs in vain.
“Well, this seems like a fitting last stand.”
“I suppose. We die defending the Craftworlds, the human colonies, everything.”
“Oy, but I'z wanna' fight sum moar!”
Ugu and Bitey let out weak growls. Both were obviously scared.

And then, the abomination suddenly stopped, its many eyes looking beyond their positions. Turning back, the defenders saw a ray of purple ray rising from the ground. It vanished and was replaced replaced by the sound of roaring engines and... stomps. A bike suddenly roared through the sky after hitting some rubble on the road, painted completely red and came to a crashing halt right next to a now-retreating warboss. A green head stared from the rubble, with bloodied clothes covering the rest of the ork's body.
“Hullo, boss!”
“Oy, Grimog! Great ta' see ya! D'ya get 'im?”
“'Ow do ya fink we got 'ere? Took us longa', cuz wez didn't know da wey!”
More orky vehicles came over the hill, followed by lotsa' boyz. However, there was only one dominant figure. An only too familiar daemon, with colour-changing skin, bat wings on its head and uncountable other wings on its back. Also, lizard-head and flaming eyes. Rakul gazed at Cambius, his jaw wide-open. The greater daemon scremed, the tone of his voice still changing:
“Well, look at what we have here! A big spider, how cute!”
The Tyranid roared and charged at full speed, crushing numerous creatures under its massive claws. But the daemon of change would not go down that easily. He vanished, only to reappear on its back, warpal energies already pulsing in his hands. Massive doombolts struck the bug, burning through its carapace and insides. The beast roared in fury and somehow twisted one of its legs to grab the daemon and smash it against the ground with massive force. Cambius' many eyes watched the bio-titan open its mouth, ready to devour. He was not just going to be part of some menu, though. Quickly, the daemon readied another doombolt and shot it straight into the monster's open maw, annihilating most of its head. The remainder of the bio-titan collapsed onto the ground. Cambius walked back to the defenders slowly, injured. Rakul was most confused.
“How? HOW?!”
“How come I am still here? Foolish sorcerer, one cannot simply destroy a daemon of my calibre! But because of the still-intact summoning circles within the fortress, I could not return into the Warp proper. That's when Nagosh here found me.”
The warboss was grinning and Gobroz shouted:
“Oh! So dat'z why youz been goin' dere all da' time!”
“Yeh! Poor fella' was just a liitle disgustin' blobby fingy. I 'elped 'im.”
“Therefore he technically became my new master. And now, I have repaid the debt? Please, I am weakened because of no warpal contact for such a long time. I am wounded even now. Let me return to the Impossible Fortress!”
Nagosh scratched his chin with the blades on his chain-choppa' and then looked at the greater daemon.
“Yeeeesssss! Finally free,a free all these millennia! Thank you!”
And with a single flash of light, Cambius vanished into thin air. Rakul spoke:
“We just sent away an impossibly powerful weapon of Chaos. Oh, well, at least he killed the spider.”
“Yeh. An' Ugu an' Biteyz is safe! We all iz,” incredible masses of spores landed within the canyon. The insects were not pleased and neither was Muskit, “or notz. Iz don't fink even da boyz will be enuff dis time.”
“Well, good thing you have us here, then,” they all turned to see a well-known Bloodletter Champion and Daemonette, “hello, master!”
“Nebulon! Perfect timing, my friend!”
A large, blue portal appeared behind the pair and figures started appearing from within. Starting with a humanoid with a flaming skull. Doomrider laughed maniacally, while a whole host of Daemonettes appeared right behind him, all in black leather. Deja vu, much? Right behind them, were daemons of all four deities, ready to have bug meat for lunch. Unbeknownst to all, Darug had a 'Oh mah frikin' Gork, of courze!' moment and ran off to Tzeentch knows where.
“Hahahahaahaaaaaa! Time for LSD rampaaaaaaaage!”
“I hope we brought sufficient reinforcements. Also, I'm sorry, but ol' flaming skull insisted on coming.”
“Oh, indeed. Especially because of that,” several winged, flat creatures emerged from the portal and one of them almost instantly flew to the sorcerer, “oh, I do love riding the wild ones,” He jumped onto the daemon, able to hold his balance perfectly. Turning to the farseer, he smiled, “you need a ride? Or do you have your own?”
Macha looked at one of the Screamers, who looked a bit hungry. Nope.
“I think I'd rather go with you.”
“Excellent! Come on up!”
Holding a hand out to her, which she took, he helped her stand onto the beast. She was visibly not used to such a mount, however, and held onto his shoulder with one hand.
“This is certainly... different.”
“Awesome, isn't it? Now, denizens of Chaos! Orks, Eldar, Tau and humans! Let's have some fun!”
Before the charge could start, however, Bitey became restless. The little 'nid wiggled out of Kilina's grasp and jumped onto the occupied Screamer seconds before it flew forward. It held onto Macha's leg, who stared at the little guy, confused.
“We have an unwelcome passenger!”
“Oh? Who?”
“Heh, little rascal probably wants to see his siblings or something,” The two forces were about to clash, when the little bug emitted a growl.The other Tyranids around the trio started fighting each other, making them ideal targets for doombolts and psychic blasts, “or maybe he wanted a part of the fame! This is certainly useful!”
Doom rider's mini-titan rose from the allied horde and shot into the insect one. The day was theirs, it seemed.


“Do you know what you get for getting here ten thousand years late?”
“A big hug! Welcome back, sonny-boy!”
Tzeentch's arms grabbed the, in comparison, small Cambius and squeezed, his three heads showing happy smiles, which were hard to do with beaks.
“Dad, you scared me!”
“Just as planned!”

The other four stared at the duo in utter confusion.
“Sonny boyz?!”
“Strange,” followed by a massive cough.
“Awwww, look at how cute they look!”

Tzeentch put the greater daemon down and looked at the others.
“Yes, this is my son, Cambius! And these, my boy, are the other three I told you all about. And the fat guy is Gmork.”
“Hey! Dat'z not nice!”
“Hullo. Pleased to meet you.”
The Blood God was not satisfied.
“Wait, wait, WAIT. We've been living here together for over a bajillion years! How come we didn't know you had a son?!”
The Changer crossed his arms.
“Well, I didn't want him to be exposed to all of your shenanigans. Also, he was a pretty shy little guy, so he generally hid when any of you showed up.”
“Awwwww, why? We don't bite, do we? Well, I do, but only on Thursdays.”
“That's another reason why I've kept it a secret. However, that is all in the past. Now Cambius can travel the plains without fear.”
“Yeah! And I'll grow up and be as strong as daddy!”
“Great, just what we need. TWO know-it-alls!”
“Oh, soften up, Khorne! Our picnics will be even more fabulous now!”
“As long as they're not in Nurgle's garden... that reminds me, 'papa', when the Warp are you going to let Isha out of her cage? I can't take the screams, any more.”
“Who's Isha, dad?”
“I'll show ya later, when we let her out of the cage. Seriously, man, give her some rest. And access to a shower.”
“But, but...”
“No buts! Now, Hanumos! Get me some tea!”
“Yeah, for me, too!”
A single tear escaped the schemer's leftmost eye.
“Just like his old god...”
“Oh, be even more sappy, won't you?”
“Youz guyz are weird.”

Tau22 is offline  
post #29 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-07-10, 04:05 PM
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waltzmelancholy_07's Flag is: Philipines
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Manila, Philippines
Posts: 366
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I have never read your entire work... But hell, the threads on the first page made me laugh so hard, I nearly had an asthma attack...

So REP for that(for your story I mean)...


Last edited by waltzmelancholy_07; 02-07-10 at 04:12 PM.
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