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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-13-08, 04:23 AM Thread Starter
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Default Rebirth- Part 1

This is my first attempt at an extended Fan-Fic of any kind, so bear with me, and as a note, I haven’t finished reading the Ghosts series. Don’t tell me if someone I’m using died. Also I am not the most knowledgeable about the Space marines, so bear with me on that to.

The sound of the bombardment was louder than anything he had ever heard. But it barely registered. All he was aware of was the man in front of him. The man who had to die. His brother gave him an almost imperceptible nod. He stole himself for what had to be done.
He knelt before his father.
He begged forgiveness.
And he pulled the trigger.

Gaunt gave a nod to Felix, and Felix took aim. Felix was a 4th founding ghost. In truth the name ghosts didn’t fit anymore, almost none of the original Tanith were still alive. Most of the men in the regiment had homes to go back to now. But they were still scouts and they were still the Tanith 1st, and they were still the ghosts.
Felix took the shot, and Gaunt came out of his reverie. The crack of the long las was followed by the scream of the guard. Gaunt closed his eyes, Felix had missed the head, and the guard had screamed.
“Were leaving” Gaunt said to the squad.
Felix looked disappointed. He was going to be a lot more disappointed when Gaunt was thru with him.
“This is Gaunt to sniper squads 2-3” Said Gaunt “Felix missed the shot were pulling out.”
As the squad moved back into the trees, their camoline cloaks hiding them from view, Gaunt shot Felix a look that could kill an ork.
“You idiot, this mission could have broken the stalemate!” Muttered Gaunt.
“He moved!” Growled Felix defiantly. Felix was a proud sniper, and he didn’t take failure well.
As the squad came to the small clearing that had been designated as a rally point, they met up with the other 2 squads.
The Tanith had been deployed as part of a campaign on Raksis III against Tau. The campaign had been planned as a trench war, but the Tau had refused to dig in, establishing small bases with raid forces using hit and run tactics to outmaneuver the fixed Imperial positions. The tau had won no decisive victories, yet, but had prevented the imperials from brining their full forces to bear on a single target. Then the imperials had gained information about the location of one of their command posts. The brass of the operation had been ready to send thousands of men in backed up by tanks, in a suicidal mission that would have suffered immense casualties from raids before it even arrived at the well hidden base. Gaunt had convinced them to let him take 18 men in, and try to take the compound by moving in stealthily, and planting bombs before they were detected. It had taken Gaunt days to sell his plan to lord general Alexander, who was a strong believer in the motto “When at first you don’t succeed, send more men” But it seemed their detailed plan, that hinged on taking out the guards silently, would not only have failed, but alerted the tau to their presence, meaning that the inevitable assault would lead to even more casualties. And now the Tanith had to get back to HQ, while avoiding the tau raiding parties.
When the Tanith made it back to base, they headed to check themselves in from the mission. With the nature of the war, it was important for the force to keep track of what troops were where. As they headed towards the munitorium compound, they were called over to a chimera that was pulling up. The lord general dismounted along with Col. Agnos. Col. Agnos was leader of the 17th Iridian mechanized. He and The lord general got along just perfectly, they both loved tanks, and they both loved to send in as much infantry as possible. Gaunt disliked them both.
“Well lord general I suppose your going to get your assault, Felix here missed his shot. “
“That doesn’t matter Gaunt! There’s, um, Someone to see you.” Said The lord general
“Who?” Asked Gaunt
“Its an… Inquisitor.” Agnos responded, speaking the word Inquisitor like a horrible curse.
Gaunt’s heart raced. Why would an Inquisitor want to see him? As far as he knew, there were no psykers in the regiment anymore. He realized that the Inquisition still scared him as much as it ever had.
When Gaunt arrived in his chamber, he found the lights were off. He walked in. His room was rather more lavish than it had been in the past. The war was not like the old Sabbat crusade. This planet could still be divided into warzones, and Civilian centers. The Civilian areas had shipped in plenty of unnecessary items to the front. Gaunt couldn’t say he was happy about the nature of his room. The bed was linened in red velvet, and there was red carpet. A mahogany table and bookshelf were the only pieces of furniture that Gaunt couldn’t argue away. There was a figure leaning against the wall, reading a book off of Gaunts bookshelf.
“Its been a while Ibram.”
Gaunt was taken aback, as far as he knew, he was only acquainted with one inquisitor, and if he knew how to read a voice, this was not her by a long shot.
“I’m sorry?” Said Gaunt
The figure set down its book.
“I’m not surprised you don’t remember me, its been quite a while.” Said the inquisitor.
Gaunt turned the lights on.
At the cathedral of the Ultramarines on Macragge, Julius knelt before the chapter master, his new terminator armor Gleaming in the light of the cathedral. He had just returned from a successful campaign against the Orks on GalvaraxVII. It was the latest in a long series of successful campaigns, and he was being rewarded. Julius was being gifted with a suit of terminator armor. He was truly grateful to the chapter, but he was of the mind that the men of his battle force should be rewarded rather than him.
Julius was a space marine captain of the ultramarines. He stood as the chapter master finished the ceremony. He was honored, and he expressed this respectfully to the chapter master.
Marinus Calager, the master of the ultramarines, gave a smile to Julius, and turned to leave. Julius headed to the barracks to check on his men, but he was intercepted by Alphonse.
“Julius! You’ll never believe it!” Said Alphonse.
“What is it?” Asked Julius, smiling at Alphonse’s urgency.
“Its, no, just come with me!”
Intrigued, Julius followed Alphonse. Alphonse took him to a small chapel at the edge of the compound. The chapel was dimply lit, except for a small patch of light coming from a stained glass window in the ceiling. A statue of the chapters primarch stood in this light. Kneeling in prayer before the statue was a small figure. It was clearly not a marine. The figure turned and faced Julius.
“That will be all Alphonse.” Said the figure.
Alphonse bowed out of the room. At this point Julius was bewildered, who was the person telling his fellow marines what to do? He thought to himself indignently.
“Inquisitor Isaac, its good to meet you Julius.”
Julius’s jaw dropped and he kneeled before the inquisitor.
“Julius, tell me, how devoted to the emperor are you?” said the inquisitor.
“I would give my soul if he asked it of me” responded the captain.
The inquisitor raised an eyebrow.
“That is an unorthodox answer if you don’t mind me saying, you may stand if you wish, but did you perhaps mean that you would give your life? After all does the emperor not give all out souls salvation?” Asked the inquisitor.
“No, I said that I would give my soul to the emperor if he asked it. If he asked me to cast myself into the warp and never return, I would do it.” Responded the captain passionately, rising to his full height, now even more impressive than normal as he wore his new terminator armor.
The inquisitor smiled. “In a way, that’s exactly what you are going to be asked to do. Come with me. We are going to Velonica prime, you will not inform anyone that you are coming with me, you will help me complete something, and then you will learn what must be done. You have no say in this. I am an inquisitor and you will do as I tell you. Is that clear?”
Julius was taken aback. But an inquisitors word is infallible. “Allow me to go to my barracks I must retrieve my equipment.”
“No.” said the inquisitor. “You will not need weapons. What you must do is something much more important than war.”
Ian did not argue. They walked out of the chapel and down a path that led to a landing area for a small navy craft. They entered, and a navy pilot took them into orbit, where they entered a large vessel. Within minutes he was provided with quarters, and he could tell they had entered the warp. He was provided with quarters, and told to wait for instructions from the inquisitor. His quarters were Spartan, consisting only of a small bunk, and a table. He lay on the floor. The bunk being to small for him, and slept.
When Julius awoke, it was to the inquisitor telling him to get up. He stood, and asked the inquisitor what his instructions were.
“Come with me.” Said Isaac simply
Julius who was quite at a loss of what to make of the situation followed without question.
After walking thru what seemed like most of the ship, the inquisitor led him into a room, with a long fine wooded table. Seated at the table, were 10 assorted inquisitors of the many Ordos, one commissar, one blood raven, probably a captain, and a blood angel.
The blood angel at the front of the table turned to Isaac.
“You may take your seat.”
Isaac took his seat.
Julius waited to be addressed. After a short pause, the Blood angel looked at him.
“How much do you know about Roboute Guilliman?” Asked the venerable Marine.
“He is the primarch of my chapter, the ultramarines” Responded Julius, “He wrote the Codex Astarates, and is now dead. Would you like me to go into more detail?”
No, I know what I need to know.” Responded the Blood angel “There is a project underway. Only the 12 most loyal servants of the emperor have been permitted to know of this project.”
“I am going to give you one chance Julius, and one chance only.” Spoke the Blood angel “You may leave now, and continue your career as a marine. We will turn this ship around and take you back to your men if you ask it. But know this. What we are undertaking is the single most important undertaking in the recent history of the human race.”
Julius spine tingled. What was it that was so important? Whatever it was, he would serve the emperor in the way that was best. Another could replace him as captain.
“I will not waver from the light of the emperor, I will do whatever you ask of me.” Said Julius
The blood angel smiled.
“I thought you would” said the blood angel “You made three statements just then about your primarch. Two were true.” He leaned forward in his chair.
“Your primarch, is not dead.”

Gaunt was speechless. He had not seen Brin Milo for more than a hundred years. Not since he had left with saint Sabatt.
Milo was wearing a long black coat. He wore carapace underneath it, and had a plasma pistol at his hip. A silver Aquila hung from a silver chain around his neck. His hair was longer, and shrouded his face.
“So you do recognize me Ibram.” Smiled Milo. “It’s been a long time hasten it.”
“You’re an inquisitor?” Said Gaunt, flabbergasted
“Yes, I went on to have a career in the ordo Hereticus after the saints death. Now Gaunt, I need you to help me. The Tanith are the best snipers in the imperium-“ but Gaunt cut him off.
“You’re an inquisitor, have a vindicare do it.” Said gaunt.
Milo was taken aback.
“I can’t, to tell you the truth.” He said. “I need you to pick your best sniper, one man, and meet me by my Valkyrie in 15 minits. I’ll explain then.” With that, Milo left the room.
Gaunt was stunned. He gathered himself, and set out to the barracks. He knew exactly who he would be taking. One of the last true Ghosts in the regiment. Larkin.
Larkin was cleaning his long las. He started when Gaunt walked in.
“What is it Commissar?” Asked Larkin.
“What would you say, if I told you that an Inquisitor just asked me to pick my best sniper and meet him in 15 minits?” Asked Gaunt.
Larkin considered the question.
“I’d ask why you came to me.” Said larkin.
“Oh, don’t give me that Feth Larks. I don’t care if you still have problems with your siesures, you’ve never missed a really important shot.”
Larkin looked at Gaunt.
“Well, I guess you’re the Colonel.”
They met Milo at the Valkyrie. Milo greeted Larken, leaving him speechless. Gaunt gave a pointed expression to Larkin. The craft took off, and Milo began to talk.
“Well larken I have to say, I thought you would be dead by now.”
“I could say the same to you Milo! God, it’s been a century… You’re an inquisitor? So you were a psyker after all?”
Milo smiled. Then his expression became serious.
“Look, What I’m going to ask you to do will quite possibly be the most important event in the history of mankind, other than the founding of the Imperium.”
“No pressure.” Muttered Larkin.
“There is a heretic sect gathering influence, they haven’t actually made their move yet. They have a number of inquisitors on their side. They are planning the greatest heresy ever perpetuated. They believe they are serving the emperor, but they are nothing more than the pawns of the enemy.” Said Milo.
“Witch enemy is that?” Asked Gaunt.
“Heretics, naturally.”
“I see. And what exactly is this horrible heresy we are supposed to stop?” Gaunt said. He was still not entirely convinced. He was still not sure if he believed this was Milo.
“Are you familiar with the cult of the star child Ibram?” Asked Milo.
“No.” Answered Gaunt simply.
“Well Ibram, I’m going to tell you. They believe that the Emperor is a kind of shaman, that will reincarnate himself should he die. This is ridiculous, the emperor is immortal and will never die. But they believe that the emperor should be given the chance to reincarnate. Do you understand”
Gaunt was speechless.
“They have inquisitors?” He breathed.
Larkin had a grim face.
“Not for long they don’t.”
Well, that be it for now. I think I could get into this. Defiantly a part 2 coming soon.
Gaunt is awesome.

"A true king is never alone, his will is equal to the will of all of his followers."
-Alexander the Great, kind of

Last edited by Col. Schafer; 11-13-08 at 04:29 AM.
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-13-08, 05:55 AM
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Very good job Col. Schafer, the story flowed well and each character seemed to have their own distinct personality. Your dialogue is particularly good and the interaction between characters is very well done also.

If you could sort out your formating (paragraph breaks, line breaks, sentence alignment) and some of the capitalisation, then it would make me very happy indeed.

Seriously, this is a very good story with great pacing, but the way it's laid out makes it a bit difficult to read, which is an enormous shame, as I think it's brilliant. All it would take is a bit of tinkering and you'd be onto a winner.

Here is a case in point -

“There is a heretic sect gathering influence, they haven’t actually made their move yet. They have a number of inquisitors on their side. They are planning the greatest heresy ever perpetuated. They believe they are serving the emperor, but they are nothing more than the pawns of the enemy.” Said Milo.

This is a very dramatic piece of dialogue and conveys important information, but I personally would have written it like this -

'There is a heretical sect gaining influence amongst the Ecclesiarchy, biding their time, waiting for the right moment to strike. Our intelligence suggests that they've managed to recruit a number of key Inquisitors holding influential positions within the Ordos with the intention of perpetrating the greatest heresy the Imperium has ever known. These misguided fools believe that they act in the best interests of the Emperor, but they are little more then pawns, controlled by a deceitful enemy who uses their faith against them.' Milo confided in Gaunt.

Again, other then the minor grammatical details, I think you have a real talent and flair for fiction and I look forward to reading more of your stories.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-13-08, 06:00 AM
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Oops and after re-reading my own words, I need to make an edit. -

'Our intelligence suggest that they've managed to recruit a number of key Inquistors holding influential positions within the Ordos. They're intending to perpertrate the greatest heresy the Imperium has ever known.'

There, that's better. Nothing more embarrassing then pointing out the foilables of others only to make a mistake yourself and look a complete ass.

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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-13-08, 11:03 AM
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More my friend!... MORE!!!!!...
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-13-08, 09:11 PM Thread Starter
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I'm sorry about the lumped togetherness, I had this all tabed out on MS word as to be easy to read, but aperently that dosent translate. I like how you wrote that bit right there.

"A true king is never alone, his will is equal to the will of all of his followers."
-Alexander the Great, kind of
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-13-08, 11:43 PM
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A very good story Col. Schafer! I usually type in Works where I can use the spell/grammar check then paste it to a word pad and then post it here. It usually works better coming from a word pad document as the spacing remains the same.

Anything I could comment on, Unknown Soldier already has so I shall remain silent heh heh heh!

Good luck and good gaming,


"If you can't stun them with your tactical brilliance, baffle them with your superior grasp of BS."

"I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man."

Originally Posted by TheAllFather View Post
Well, seeing as how you capitalize your characters, use proper grammar and punctuation, I'd say you qualify.
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