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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-12-08, 05:29 AM Thread Starter
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There is only war

The drop ships engines roared, nothing could be heard over the din of the battle. The crash of the artillery, the revving of chain weapons, the crack of lasfire, the bark of heavy bolters.

The red uniformed enemies was so close, you could see the looks on their faces. Everyone was the same. The blood pact wore masks. It was a clever psychological effect. The PDF troopers faced a mass of identical faces, the blood pact faced a mass of terrified grimaces.

As the men began poring out of the ship, the blood pact opened fire, killing dozens as they jumped. The PDF troopers opened fire in retaliation. One man had a grenade launcher, and took out a Blood pact trooper with one shot. Hundreds of troops were battling in this tiny lot in this worthless city, on this emperor forsaken planet. Dozens died. Soon, the main force pushed up to the position, Heavy bolter squads now poured fire into the blood pact. One man took 5 bolt rounds to the chest and still walked forward to die at the hands of a sergeant with a chain sword. One man looked down, to see another with a stuubber round embedded in his chest. The man was screaming in agony. The trooper crouched down to hear the mans last words.

"Please... Tell me there is a respite! Tell me that in death duty will end!"

The mans head was destroyed by a las shot. The trooper turned to see a commissar, his pistol pointed at the man. The commissar spoke.

"There is only war."
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-12-08, 04:52 PM
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Nice piece of work bud. Do you plan on expanding any or was this a one-shot thing?

As for the bits and bobs, a few things sound off. "The crash of artillery.." Boom or roar would probably be better here. Also: "One man took 5 bolt rounds to the chest and still walked forward to die at the hands of a sergeant with a chain sword." How could a man take one heavy bolter round to the chest, much less five? Heh heh heh... Aye, Blood Pact are elite guard-esque Khornate troops but they are still (mostly) human. A heavy bolter has the power to take down a fully armored space marine and I just don't see how someone in carapace armor at best could stand five of them and still carry on. The explosion of one bolt would have been enough to pulp most of his torso lol.

Still, it was a good read. I hope you post more soon!

Good luck and good gaming,

Nate

"If you can't stun them with your tactical brilliance, baffle them with your superior grasp of BS."

"I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man."

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAllFather View Post
Well, seeing as how you capitalize your characters, use proper grammar and punctuation, I'd say you qualify.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-12-08, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
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I was just in bad mood and felt like writing somthing depresing. I wasent thinking mutch about stuff like what you said. And yknow when I think about it, I dont think I've ever seen a guardmen take 5 shots from an S5 wepon with out dieing.

"A true king is never alone, his will is equal to the will of all of his followers."
-Alexander the Great, kind of
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-12-08, 10:07 PM
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good work man!

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
My fluff so far, plz read and give feed back

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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 11-17-08, 05:28 AM
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Fantastic! I loved it, are you going to continue on? I'd read it if you did, +rep

"You doubt my loyalty to the God-Emperor? How dare you accuse me of consorting with Daemons!"
- Crimson Fists

Pedro, once the most feared Daemon in the Warp, why not drop in and say hi to the retired Daemon and his mates?
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