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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-22-15, 09:26 PM Thread Starter
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Default The 16th Hour

So this is a new idea i have been playing with for about an hour....The first WH40k book i ever read was Fifteen Hours By: Mitchel Scanlon. Now i absolutely love this book. So i figured i would write my own "sequal" to the story. ideas and criticism is welcomed. (also compliments too ) And please be gentle on the lay out...this was written in notepad.

The 16th Hour

The shadows played just out of range to be visible...the sounds clear as day in his head. "Push harder you maggot!" he heard his Sergeant yell.

The feelings of intense pain coming and going, his body numb then suddenly in full shock from pain. "Cover the west damn you!" he heard his Sergeant yell again.

He had no idea where he was but felt as though he was moving. Blurry glimpses of a star filled sky coming and going. "Where am I, am even alive??" he thought. Suddenly he heard a voice that sounded so familiar to him. "You"re the best son a man could have. And when you're a Guardsman, I know you'll make your Ma and me Proud."

He began to feel the pain more and more, no longer was it fading. The thoughts of his family and home slowly fading further away. The star filled sky becoming familiar. He was beginning to come to. "Don't die on me you bastard!"

The world seemed as to explode with life once more. Larn took a massive gulp of air as he came to and began looking around. "Thank the Emperor he's conscious!" said the medic next to Larn.

Larn began to look around trying to get his bearings...where was he, who was this medic...and why was the air filled with the smell of blood and the sounds of war.

"Each man is a spark in the darkness. Would that we all burn as bright."-Inquisitor Ario Barzano
Currently reading--> The Kingdom of Shadow By: Richard A Knaak







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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-23-15, 03:43 PM
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Interesting premise.

The filtering language (e.g. "He heard his Sergeant yell" rather than "His Sergeant yelled") works well for the half-awake sense of this section.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-24-15, 01:47 AM
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Interesting beginning, look forward to more .

“Evil is relative…You can’t hang a sign on it. You can’t touch it or taste it or cut it with a sword. Evil depends on where you are standing, pointing your indicting finger.”
-Glen Cook, The Black Company


Tales of Heroism and Bravery, in the 41st Millennium and the Old World. Perhaps some Realm Gate Wars in the future .

Gods' Hall (Completed)
https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/...d.php?t=161618

The New Word (Completed)
https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/...d.php?t=121879
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-24-15, 04:16 PM Thread Starter
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Once my life gets a tad bit more regular i will have plenty to add onto this.

"Each man is a spark in the darkness. Would that we all burn as bright."-Inquisitor Ario Barzano
Currently reading--> The Kingdom of Shadow By: Richard A Knaak







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