A Game Between Gods [Comedy]
What if some deities from 40k played a little game?
It was about 5 minutes into the game, a unique cast of players bought in, each with alike goals. A group of figures surrounded the large table, staring into what appeared to be some kind of colored hologram displaying a galaxy. The first figure to speak was none other then The God-Emperor of Mankind (in his prettier Pre-Heresy form nonetheless). "I'll place about 55 gelt on the Space Wolves winning in...." he spoke in his golden voice, scratching his chin with a massive powerfist. "I would suggest this sector, Empy." spoke the nerdy voice of The Omnissiah, dressed in his decorated mechanicus robe. "Yeah, but that sector belongs to-" an armored red fist would slam on the table. "KHOOOOOOOOOOORRRRNNNNNEE! WHOOP WHOOOOP!" spoke a loud, booming and douchebag voice of Khorne, who was standing near his 3 fellow gods. "Khorne, just because the warband stationed there has like, what, 6 bersekers? Doesn't mean its yours, buddy." the Emperor responded cooly. "YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, EMPS! IT IS -CLEARLY- DEVOTED TO ME". "Then why do they have plague marines too?" Nurgle asked innocently. "BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH BERSEKERS, SO THEY HAD TO PICK UP YOUR STUPID MARINES. LOOK AT THEM, GASMASKS. SO GAY." Khorne responded with rage.
After a short minute, the gods watching a battle between Space Wolves and some Chaos Space Marines, the wolves won. "Yes!" The emperor pumped his power fist into the air. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK" Khorne pumped his fist into the ground, smashing a hole into the table. Tzeentch snickered, checking a mark on his notepad, as that battle was apparently another scheme of his. "ALRIGHT, ASSNOSE, LETS GO. HERE, LETS TAKE A NIIIIIICE LOOK AT THIS SECTOR...HERE. 70 GELT, EASY-OUT." Khorne crossed his arms in pride. What he didn't notice was he bet against Eldar, and a familiar flaming figure in a loin cloth stepped forward. "Lets go, corn flakes." spoke the voice of Khaine. "CORN FLAKES OH MY FUCK THAT'S SUCH A BAD INSULT YOU POINTY EARE-" Slaanesh got annoyed and slammed Khorne on the back of his head. "Shut the hell up." Slaanesh spoke in a female voice. "ILL FUCKIN- OH FUCK ITS STARTING" Khorne scrambled and stared into the hologram, viewing the field of battle.
"Faggot." Khaine spoke, stepping away from the table. Khorne lost again, and to get Slaanesh back he "had he/she/it removed from the room". It was next turn, and a floating ball of green smoke floated forward, examining the galaxy for a good place to bet. "My, whatever that is, it looks just beautiful" complimented Nurgle. "Thank....you" spoke the representation of The Tyranid Hive Mind. "Mind, glad you could make it." said the Emperor. "Yes...indeed..I...was..running...a..bit...lat e." The ball of gas responded "Fucking...traffic...". "Whut kind o' traffik do ya get 'ere, anyway?" said Gork "I dun even remembah where we are". "I fink itz da chaos-y spikey place..da warp?" responded Mork. "YOU FUCKING DUMB GREENSKINS THIS ISN'T THE WARP" Khorne yelled. "Actually, it is. Do you damn research beforehand." grumbled The Nightbringer. "I...place..85 gelt..on..this sector" the hive mind said, it bet against Gork and Mork. "EHEHEH! Noice bet, gasball! Now yer gonna git krumped gooood!" said Gork excitedly.
The battle wasn't done yet, apparently. Tyranids kept birthing but the Orks kept using flamers. "What....the...fuck...this...is...so...fucking...s tupid.." moaned The Hive Mind. Mork and Gork fell asleep, they got extremely bored at the lack of both brutalness and kunniness. "What time is it?" Khaine said, sipping a coke. "9:45, I think" The Nightbringer checked his watch. "Ah, shit. I gotta run" Khaine said upstarting, he quickly left the room. "Its getting late, guys." The Emperor spoke, yawning. "It is? Aw, crumpets. I was enjoying our time together." Nurgle spoke "I had more gelt to bet". "Yeah...I...think....im..gonna...bounce" The hive mind said, it floated over and telepathically lifted Gork and Mork, leaving with the 2 sleeping ork gods. The emperor yawned once more "Yeah, games over guys. " The emperor said "Night". The emperor lifted himself and turned to leave, with the Omnissiah following behind. One by one, all the gods left and packed up the table, ending there gambling game for the night.
10 minutes later, Tzeentch slipped in and looked around the dark room, no gods in sight.
"Just as planned" Tzeentch spoke, he stepped in the middle and began to practice his tap dancing recital. A black and white skull flew from the darkness and hit the bird-man in the head, knocking him out cold. "Nope." said Malal, who continued sweeping the floor.
"Then I wont lie to you, brother. You have been lied to enough."-Eliphas The Inheritor