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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-23-14, 07:05 PM Thread Starter
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Default The Way of the Thunder Fist - A Short DIY Chapter Story

Hey, first, thank you to everyone who took the time to read my last story.

This ones a little different. It's somewhat of a concept piece covering an idea for a DIY Chapter I'm
playing with. If it's well received it may become my new Marine army. Hope you enjoy it.


The wall caved in. The hulking mass of ceramite propelled with enough force to crumble stone that had stood for millions of years. Brother Sho's helmet systems went haywire as he fell forwards, kicking up a spray of brackish water and thick mud. He pushed himself up to his hands and knees as shook his head as his helmet tried in vain to correct itself. Sho unlatched the damaged armour and placed it down beside him, blinking as his natural eyes swiftly adjusted to the gloom. He could see the tops of his hands piercing the surface of the brown puddle he found himself in and a single thought betrayed him. This was how it would end.

The Thunder Fists, young and proud sons of Guilliman were fighting with all their souls to repel Abaddon and his 13th Black Crusade. The 3rd Company had repelled a Warband of Warp Ghosts from their attack on the hive world of Mesa Prime and tracked them to the Death World designated DW623X. There the Thunder Fists fleet had engaged the Warp Ghosts in orbit and crippling their flagship, pursued them planet side.

The Warp Ghosts had gone to ground in a mountain range on the planets main continent. The landscape was treacherous, the mountains steep and craggy. Any slip could send even a Space Marine to his death on the talon like rocks that clawed up at them from below. Perfect ambush sites littered the area but Captain Hideki had driven them onwards. The Warp Ghosts were broken and hiding for their lives, the Thunder Fists would hunt them down and finish them here.

How wrong they had been. The 3rd had made planet fall in the foothills via drop pod and exited into the pounding rain and blasting winds of a vicious electrical storm. They had wasted no time making the ascent. As the paths narrowed, full squads were broken down into manoeuvrable combat units. Brother Sho had taken control of half of Squad Daichi and led them into a natural cave complex. That was where they had been struck and it was clear it had not just been them. The comm systems burst into life with reports of ambushes across the battlefield. The heretics were on them before they could react and Sho was cast through the cave wall.

Now here he was, on all fours like a dog waiting to be put down. Ahead of him was his bolter, it's barrel bent and useless from the traitors concussive blow. He was dazed and unarmed and for a moment despair claimed him. Through the mud and filth though Sho could still see the markings of his gauntlets. The honorific lightning bolts that encased him from pauldrons to fingertips that marked him as a Thunder Fist and weapon or no, a Thunder Fist was never unarmed.

Sho pushed himself to his feet and turned to find the Warp Ghosts champion filling the expanse in the cave wall his body had forged. Both Sho's obsidian and sky blue armour and the traitors grey-green plate were coated in wet filth but their eyes were clear through them. Sho steely blue eyes fixed the ominous red glow from the traitors helm. No words were spoken, the traitor marine was arrogant in the certainty of his victory and Sho would not converse with the heretic. Without a word Sho clenched his fists and charged. The Chaos Champion unlatched a vicious spiked power maul from his waist and closed the distance.

The heretics first strike was predicable, an angry horizontal forehand blow aimed at Sho's exposed head. The Thunder Fist ducked under and rose, twisting into a brutal left hook that landed flush on the right side of the traitors helm, them followed it with a straight right punch landing on the same spot. Sho leapt back and swayed away from the reverse blow and leaned back into an overhand right that buckled the traitors helm below the right eye.

The traitors led out a an infuriated roar and clasped the maul in both hands. He swung it straight down again and Sho slipped left, snapping out a left jab, two fingers extended and struck him in the eye. Sho could hear the low cracking sound as the lens snapped. The traitor dropped his shoulder and barrelled into him knocking him back but he managed to keep his footing, ducked another wild strike for his head and spun away. The traitor turned on him and Sho began to circle swiftly to his left. The traitor tried to keep with him and tried to turn his own left side on to the noble Astartes. Sho was fast though and darted left before swinging a wild left over the top of the Warp Ghosts right pauldron. The heretic made no attempt to defend it and snapped his head around sharply.

Sho's plan was working, he had damaged the right side of the traitors helm, cutting his visual field in half. His stomped hard on the side of the Warp Ghosts knee then dropped and tore at the soft connecting armour behind the joint. There was a shower of sparks and black lubricating fluid flowed down the traitors armour and mixed into dark swirling patterns in the muddy water. The traitor lashed out with his maul but Sho ducked and leant away and the blow did little more then scrape into his unit markings. As the blow passed Sho turned back and dropped a final horizontal elbow that knocked the treacherous champion onto his back. Sho made to fall upon him but was kicked back as the heretic tried desperately to defend himself.

The Warp Ghost got back to his feet, angrily tore off his helmet and tossed it aside, revealing a face of pure hatred. Eyes like coals set in a sickly pale face bored into him. He snarled, revealing a mouthful of jagged yellow teeth and gripped his maul in both hands. He came forward like a berserker, swinging wildly. At the peak of the weapons range it was all Sho could do to avoid being pulverised. The heretic drove him back against the wall, Sho ducked another wild swing but the traitor reversed his momentum and slammed the pommel of the weapon into the loyalists face, Sho's head snapped back and cracked against the wall behind him. Stunned, he was defenceless as the Chaos champion crashed his maul into the aquila that adorned Sho's chest. There was a shower of sparks as the weapons energy field discharged, buckling Sho's breast plate but not breaking it. The Thunder Fist's head swam as the air was forcibly ejected from his lungs and it was all he could do to stay upright.

“Now you die, servant of the Corpse-Emperor.” The Warp Ghost snarled and spat in his face. The acidic content hissed as it burned into Sho's cheek. The heretic grinned wickedly as he raised his maul overhead to deliver the killing blow. But Sho had not come this far to lose.

The final blow never fell. Sho's hands shot up and caught the traitor by the wrists, the maul inches from his face. The warriors wrestled for control until, with one sharp wrench the weapon came free and disappeared, clattering loudly as it landed deeper into the darkness of the cavern. The traitor didn't miss a beat as he drew the bolt pistol at his hip and brought it to bear. Sho blocked it before the traitor could get it to his head. The weapon fired, the bolt passing inches from Sho's head and detonating against the cave wall, showering both Space Marines in a hail of fragmented rock. The Warp Ghost tried the bring his side arm to bear again and this time Sho punched hard into the weapon this time, knocking it from the traitors grip. The next blow, a straight right punch drove the Chaos Champion back. As the traitor stumbled back, Sho grasped him by the gorget of his armour and pulled him into a hard knee that collapsed the exposed power cables that crossed his armoured midriff and doubled him over. The second knee drove through his face in devastating fashion. The traitors nose shattered, his forehead cracked and buckled inwards and both orbital bones fractured in multiple places. His eyes rolled back in his head as his enhanced physiology fought to cope with the horrific damage inflicted upon it.

Sho wrapped his arms around his waist and hoisted him up, servos whirring loudly as his armour fought through the strain. The Thunder Fist carried him back and slammed him down hard on an outcrop of sharp rocks. The stone shattered under the force as the cave was momentarily illuminated by a pale blue light like a lightning strike as the traitors power pack ruptured and shut down. This time Sho fell upon him, straddling him across the chest. The treacherous Astartes was defenceless as Sho raised his lightning embellished armoured gauntlets. His fists fell with every ounce of the Emperors righteous fury. Flesh tore and bone crumbled under every blow until Sho was striking nothing but blood soaked meat and the dusted remains of the heretics skull.

An eerie calm fell over the cavern. In the adjoining cave the sounds of battle still rang out but they seemed quiet and distant. Sho got back to his feet and surveyed the cavern. He recovered his helm and bolter and mag-locked them to his armour. A familiar cry of pain broke him from his trance state. His Brothers fought on and they needed his help.

The Warp Ghosts ambush had been excellent in it's execution, but they had not accounted for one thing. They were fighting the Thunder Fists and losing was not their way.
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-23-14, 07:53 PM
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It might just be me, but Fist in a descendant not of Imperial Fist-stock seems a bit odd.

I think it seems a bit odd as well as the Chaos Champion ambushing without using his Maul (it was still at his waist). I have never ambushed anything in my life, but if I suddenly decided to and had weapons on me I would certainly use them.

And maybe give Sho a Rosrius as you are basically letting his armour take one hell of a punishment from a thing designed to dent even Terminator Armour nevermind plain Power Armour. Which can explain why Sho only goes through the wall instead of being pulped.

My story about the commissars Zachary Carrus and Michelle Ionza and their life and crimes

Last edited by Beaviz81; 01-23-14 at 08:17 PM.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-24-14, 09:20 AM Thread Starter
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Hey, thanks for reading.

I get what you're saying about the Fist thing although personally I don't think it's weird. Sure the majority of 'Fist' chapters are Imperial Fist successors but it's not a rule in the same way you don't have to be a Blood Angels or Dark Angels successor to have Angels in the name or an Iron Hands successor to have Hands.

The reason I went for Ultramarines successors for them is that I want the Thunder Fists to be more a product of their homeworld then their lineage. There's a certain character that comes with being an Imperial Fist successor and I didn't want that to overrule other factors in who the Chapter are.

Now about the weapons, in my head at the very opening Sho had literally been thrown through the wall which is why the Chaos Champion didn't have his weapon out. I get that that is in no way clear though.

Regarding a rosarius, Sho is a tactical marine and wouldn't have access to anything like that. That's why I chose the maul, because, rule-wise at least, it doesn't automatically penetrate power armour. He also only takes one proper blow with it and that almost kills him.

Thank for the feedback.
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