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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-06-13, 02:35 PM Thread Starter
Cruel Commissar
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Default The Guide to be a good commissar.

***The bar the Drunken commissar at Schola Freudakia***
***Lord Commissar Nathan Harken and the commissars Michelle Ionza and Zachary Carrus***
***Time: 15M42 Late night during the summer***
***Transmission starting***

"Is this thing on?" The sound of an inebriated man hissed at the transmission-device. The voice was heavy with authority and hard on the ears. "Of course the transmission-device is on Lord Commissar, I whistled the prayer of activation and flicked the activation-rune." The voice of a younger man sounded, in the background the three commissars could be heard mumbling "The Emperor's blood." every time they took a sip of wine.

"Subject, commissars and their powers and duties about the men." The older man stated. "To scare the frak out of your men and grab anything nice they have if you don't have anything equally nice." The hoarse, yet quite sexy voice of commissar Ionza called out, followed by harsh laughter from both male commissars. Carrus kissed Ionza on the smacker. "Now, now we don't confess to stealing stuff do we commissar Michelle Ionza. Shall it be the rank and file or the officers that is in question Lord Commissar?"

"Good question commissar Carrus, lets be rank and file first." Then he stated. "The Emperor's blood." And all three clinked their glasses together with the male and the female repeating the sentence. "You bully and threaten them, and it's extremely important to kick and whip them, especially if them are down, then you pistol-whip them as well." The female spoke the two males roared with laughter.

"No commissar Ionza *Harken panted heavily due to laughter* you can't do that, and remember we must outline how we are to discipline the troops under our command when they are stupid enough to frak up." Harken then continued after another "The blood of the Emperor." "We just guide the troops into action, and shuffle their chain of command around. Also it helps that we are the ones responsible for ordering in new bling from Munitorum, that helps us stay alive."

Carrus then barked. "I second that, the blood of the Emperor." The two other commissars repatriated that last sentence and emptied their wine-glasses, where Carrus in the background being heard saying. "Bring us some more of that 120 year Freudakian Finest."

"Officers then." Harken called out. "Easy, you throw your political weight around and shift who is in charge of the regiment through bullying." The three commissars were heard laughing about it. "Yeah darling, but we better make sure the men and women we elect to lead are leaders not sheep." Carrus proceeded to then kiss Ionza who could be heard crawling into the lap of her husband, kissing him back.

"Generals and Lord-Generals and such." Harken then called out, another round of "The blood of the Emperor." was heard with glasses being clinked together before Carrus continued. "The Lord-Generals you glare at during fine dinners if they say stupid things like Lord General Raffi Luongo who asked me if my Catachans had shoot up all the drugs when he was informed I had put them through the medical-training." Ionza then said. "Yeah I can remember we at the dinner at the Governor's Palace in Matrovska glaring at Lord General Luongo." Both laughed harshly.

"That explains who Lord General Luongo complained about you two." Harken then coffed out. "We didn't tell you?" Carrus was heard his voice full of wonder and inebriation. "No you did not. But Luongo the twat was anything but forthcoming with information, he said you two glared at him during a dinner with the Planetary Governor, and refused to say why. He just wanted you two punished." "What happened next Lord Commissar." Ionza was then heard wondering. "I glared at him until he left my office." Harken replied with all three bawling of laughter.

"The chain of command has throughly been gone through, the blood of the Emperor by the way." Harken was heard saying as the commissars gobbled down more of the expensive wine. Then the sound of two lho-rods flashing came as both Ionza and Harken ignited their lho-rods. "The Adeptus Mechanicus then?"

"Them you leave to moi." Carrus swiftly responded. "I'm after all a Techriarch." He continued on. "No you defer to the cogboys at all manners regarding the issues of the Machine, they can hear the sweet sound of it, we can't." The two other commissars were silent on the matter.

"Departemento Munitorum then?" Harken called out. "That can be hard, I mean for a commissar at a not well supplied planet the commissars has a hard time to order things, and attempts at bullying doesn't go down well, but is fun to do." Harken continued with some laugher as Carrus and Ionza was more preoccupied in making out and tickling eachother rather than commenting.

"What about the Inquisition?" Carrus then said. "They have always been nice to me, and welcome your questioning their actions, but for the general commissar I guess the Inquisition is people you must be really cooperative with." He continued, before Ionza swept in. "We are under the explicit protection of High Inquisitor Selpid of Ordo Xenos, with Inquisitor Kelkaris of Ordo Xenos as our closest ally and Inquisitor Zuma of Ordo Hereticus as another ally, so we have a ground to toast them. The Emperor's blood gentlemen." Again the glasses were heard clinking together, with pouring of wine following.

"The Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer then?" Ionza then asked. "It's a fun read, I like the part were the Tyranids are falling apart." Carrus butted in. "Yeah or the part about Eldar weaponry being antiquated, that was fun." Harken then retorted. "Yeah but the best part is that huge Imperial guardsman taking down that ork, I mean he must be at least 2.5 meters wielding a rifle as tall as me." Ionza said with the two other commissars laughing hard. "But commissar Ionza, you are tiny, so everything is larger than you." Carrus then called, with Harken giggling in the background. "Heyh don't be snippy, I'm after all the second best sniper on this planet, so who's watching your back, and I can't do anything with that the Emperor made me a small girl." She was heard pouting.

"Yeah and that why I love you, plus you have a fantastic personality and a great way with our children, nevermind your body." Carrus was heard responding with Ionza at his lap, kissing and groping her as he spoke. "Plus who do the scouting for you?" He answered with a laugh.

"The Imperial Navy then?" Harken then voiced. "Ehm cowards you vox for air-support, and at times goes on patrols to save their cowardly pilots when they are too stupid to avoid anti-aricraft-fire." Carrus responded, then they drank after a "The blood of the Emperor." with more glasses shingling as they drunkenly toasted while laughing.

"I'm drunk and wanna hit the bed, shall we call this a day commissars?" Harken then responded. He tried to get up but stumbled due to drunkenness with laugher from both his subordinates. He immediately leapt up. "Just like a cat, I always lands on my feet." Harken voiced out drunkenly to the laughter of his subordinates, then Carrus hit a button on the transponder. "Close down transponder."

He was not expecting. "Transmission sent." The voice was totally robotic. "What do you mean by transmission sent?" Carrus voiced, sounding skeptical. "Transmission sent to Ciralix." The robotic voice sounded out. "Cancel that, delete submission." Carrus called out with a less than calm voice. "Submission sent to the whole sector of Ciralix." The robotic voice sounded out. "What the hell, are you possessed, delete submission immediately and cancel the sending." Carrus sounded quite frantic as he yelled at the transponder for the distress it was now causing him.

"Stay down imme-" Carrus was interrupted by Harken and Ionza overpowering him. "I don't think we shall do or say anything more to this thing darling, I will awaken Inquisitor Kelkaris, the lord commissar would alert the commissariat about this, and you must get the Tech-Priests to come and correct this gaffe." She sounded desperate, yet clear despite being drunk.

"Yes I will get the cogboys, they will sort it out." Carrus responded flatly. "Anyone touching this corner would be committed to the Skitarii." Harken was drunkingly heard barking in the background. Then just the general buzz of a semi-busy bar was heard as they had left it.

A few minutes later A Tech-Priest was heard clamping over to the transponder. A few chants of the TechLingo was heard. Then only the Machine Spirit going to rest.

***Submission ended***
***Override accepted***
***Transmission deleted***

My story about the commissars Zachary Carrus and Michelle Ionza and their life and crimes

Last edited by Beaviz81; 07-01-13 at 11:38 AM.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-14-13, 04:15 PM
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I am not sure they would turn it on by flicking a switch; possibly it would be more in-world to have him say he had performed all the rituals including the reangling of the sacred signifier.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-15-13, 07:28 AM Thread Starter
Cruel Commissar
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I don't think a ritual would be in demand for a transponder-device used in the jungle to call to the nearest friendly Dictator-class cruiser for bombing-runs and torpedoes to be honest. Plus you can visit the Tech-Priest later to make amends and repairs to the thing as least as I understand the fluff, and one of the things are bound to happen if not both.

My story about the commissars Zachary Carrus and Michelle Ionza and their life and crimes
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-01-13, 06:34 AM
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Well considering that even normal "switch on" buttons for weapons like power swords are often called activation runes shows how even the most basic machinery is seen with superstition and thus is usually followed by a quick-prayer/ritual/mantra to the machine spirit of said technology even by the lowliest of troopers if they have an inkling of the Adeptus Mechanicus' influence and works. So it would fit the setting more if it went with Dave Hobbit's suggestion of having a short description of having fulfilled the preparation rituals; regardless of your own "interpretation" of the 40K setting as has been clearly demonstrated repeatedly on Dakka.

My advice to you is to get married, if you have a good wife you'll be happy; if you get a bad one you'll become a philosopher.

In the grim darkness of the future the economy has even hit daemons, The Changeling is working at White Castle and Skarbrand is giving head in the alley next to Fateweaver's.You ever receive fellatio from a rhyming demon? It's a bad scene man.

Sticking your junk into a fang-filled mouth that breathes fire doesn't strike me as particularly smart.
Which is why that option should be available to any willing to take it.

In fact, there should be fang-faced, firebreathing demons on every streetcorner offering to pay 100 dollars to give BJ's. The gene pool would be vastly better off without anyone incapable of thinking it through.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 07-01-13, 11:32 AM Thread Starter
Cruel Commissar
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There I changed it mildly. There you have it as a short whistle (his way of praying to the Machine Spirit) before flicking on the activation rune. The thing with Hobbit's suggestion is that I don't think I could successfully say that sentence sober and a guy quite drunk would not be able to say that sentence without me laying in stuttering and stumbling all over the place.

And Dakka is a cesspit where people can for unknown reasons can flame and such, and everyone of the guys that commented on my fluff was unwelcome due to disagreements in with me in the background and rudely. And I'm sorry rude people doesn't get to comment on my fluff as I doesn't suffer fools gladly. In my opinion they are better off if they found a hobby like knitting instead of bothering me as I rate people on their merits, and people without merits are people without voices in my opinion. But I thought as much from you Grimskul as you have also been highly disagreeable about the fluff which was very evident when we tried and failed to discuss Space Wolves-fluff at Dakka.

My story about the commissars Zachary Carrus and Michelle Ionza and their life and crimes

Last edited by Beaviz81; 07-07-13 at 07:58 AM.
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