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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-23-08, 11:54 PM Thread Starter
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Default False Patriots

I have decided to write a story about a space marine who turns to chaos, based upon a real life person. I have written the first chapter, and it is short, but it will give you a feel of what im trying to do... hopefully. C&C plz

False Patriots:
The Accounts of Adulfus Hiedler

Two days before implantation of the Black Carapace, M.38

I am Adulfus Hiedler, and I will have a legacy. A legacy beyond imagining, I will rid the world of all who are unworthy in the Emperor’s light. I will slay them all; make this galaxy a greater place. I am keeping this journal so that others may know what I went through to make it happen, what I had to sacrifice, what I had give up for the benefits of tomorrow. I am becoming a fully fledged battle brother in but a few days, and I wish to make my name known to all in this galaxy.

We are heading towards battle, and my blood is burning at the thought of cutting down more traitors. Human blood is weak towards the taint of chaos. The warp is aiding us travel to the Franse sector, to a planet called Belgius, where I plan to begin my ambitious road. I know I am better than the others; I am different, more determined than my brethren. I do not feel a bond between me and my battle-brothers, as others do, or so I am led to believe. They are simply others who fight beside me to restore the galaxy to its former glory.


I cannot wait at all for the ceremony; I’m as giddy as can be in my superhuman state. It unsettles me, for I have not felt this way before. I am going to the practice cages to pass the time.

After Black Carapace implantation ceremony, M.38


I feel strange now, like a different person. I am much stronger but when my power armour is not being worn, I feel naked, as if a part of my body has been taken away. And when it is on, I do not notice it, but I have a feeling of safety, invulnerability. I think about my armour every waking second I spend away from it, and to let me concentrate better, I have decided to not take it off until I can resist its call.


On my way to my quarters, a few of the chroniclers on board got into a fight about a peculiar and barbaric gambling game they call bones. Apparently, one of the humans had lost the game and was refusing to pay, and they had gotten into a fight over it. They grappled and punched and kicked and spit on the Zeppolin’s steel hallways. As personnel nearby gathered their wits about them and moved to separate the two, the one on top pulled out a knife. He meant to commit murder. I was the only Astartes nearby, I had to do something. I ran forward in long strides and backhanded the soon-to-be murderer with my armoured gauntlet and he went flying into the rock hard walls of the ship.


I was summoned to the captain soon after the incident. Not one thought crossed my mind that told me I should not have done what I did. I had just stopped one who was obviously tainted by the warp we travel through.


“Brother Hiedler, the armour fits you well.” The captain said to me as I stepped through the doorway. He was seated behind a work desk in his small quarters.


“It is an honour to wear it.” I replied, and he nodded, as if he expected my answer.


“You know very well why I summoned you here. You killed a civilian, an Imperial.”


“Yes, lord. But he was obviously—”


“There is no reason to kill, brother. Your actions were well-meant, but rash. Your armoured fist crushed his skull completely. Humans are quick to anger and rarely think before acting. That is how you handled the situation. You saw the man with the knife, about to commit murder, so you killed him before he could kill the other human.”


“I fail to see how that is wrong my lord. He was being controlled by the warp.” I said, trying hard to not let my anger show.


“Do you know for sure? If you had spared his life, for now, he could be examined by a librarian, and we could be certain if he was indeed tainted by the chaos we work so hard to destroy.”


“Understood, lord.”


“This is a warning Adulfus, think about what you are about to do before you do it.”


I was enraged at my conversation. Surely I had done the right thing, but I cannot ponder it now, for we ride to battle the next day. I plan to record the battle, for I have found that war cannot be described accurately. I am anxious to fight with my power armour, to fight with my squad, to fight with my new weapons as well, for I no longer hold a shotgun in my hands.



"Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for."
-Socrates
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-25-08, 01:29 AM Thread Starter
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0200 hours local time, Belgius, Franse sector M.38

It started with the fall of a thousand stars. Then the sky erupted in flame and ash, the ground rolled and bulged and giant gray raindrops smashed into the ground. Splitting and letting out the droplets inside, deadly as they were with their fearsome guns and mighty swords. Down came death, with its tail of fire and blazing cannons. Giant birds flew past, with bodies of black and grey, and from their wombs leaped the chicks, with the same terrifying orange tails, swooping down to kill their prey. It all happened at once. All of it seen through the eyes of the same awed space marine who had already infiltrated behind the enemy lines, inside a dark forest.

“Brother Hiedler, Brother Belso, be prepared. The bikers are swinging around for the wedge. We must set the forest afire and be gone as soon as they appear.” Brother Sergeant Ariosis called into his com-link.

Adulfus and Belso were the two flamer marines in the squad. The forest was directly behind traitor fortifications, and it was also their only way out and away from the terrifying space marines. It was a perfectly coordinated attack, planned according to the Codex Astartes. They had waited, and waited and waited for this moment to come.

There came a roar, a distant rumbling the likes of which is rarely heard. An arrow was fired, and the tip flew across the battlefield. With yells and raised weapons, the bikers rode through the melee, enemies underfoot. Ariosis nodded and Adulfus let loose with his flamer, the dry wood of the trees burning and effectively hemming in the panicked traitor guard. They yelled to their gods, hoping to be saved. Their prayers wouldn’t be answered.

The arrow head pierced the armour that was the traitor guardsmen. Cutting them down and sending them fleeing, with nowhere to go. Behind the fortifications, an inferno consumed the forest, and smoke drifted into bunkers, clogging noses and burning eyes.

Their lives were forfeit, Adulfus knew. But the battle was far from over. The front lines were breached, but an entire regiment of guardsmen lay past the forests that were now so fast burning.

0357 hours local time, after initial contact, Belgius, Franse Sector, M.38

The battle was short, to say the least. I feel that the horror inspiring display of force was ill-used; though I am sure others saw it. They know we are here now, and they will be ready. I am glad.

I will be seeing my first piece of actual combat in the next battle, for squad Ariosis is called to the frontlines, where our flamers will be put to good use.

After seeing today’s performance, I wonder why all space marines do not use the Codex Astartes to guide them. Our display makes me proud to be part of a chapter that has descended from the mighty Ultramarines. I send prayers to Guilliman every day, more to him than even the Emperor, for as I see it,
Roboute Guilliman saved the Imperium by saving the Emperor.

I aspire to show my bravery in this war, to be recognized, and recognized I will be, I swear it. I take some heart to find that my sergeant is more like me than any other space marine I have met. We have talked about our respective futures, and though his ambitions aren’t as large as my own, he wants to have his fair share of promotions.

Captain Alexi is calling for the march and I am afraid I will not be able to write. I will have to record our travel to the next battle.


0405 hours local time, Belgius Franse Sector, M.38

A blue light covered the land, as the first rays of Belgius’ sun poked up above the flat horizon. The blue orb accentuated the blacks and greys of Adulfus’ armour, turning them into deep navies and blue-grays. The forest that had once covered this land was nothing more than black ash and burnt wood that cracked and broke under the Astartes’ feet.

Three companies of space marines marched out, fanning across the plain. Orbital Intelligence had located the traitors behind a large hill that loomed in the distance. It took a good hour of fast paced marching before the wary Astartes reached that obtrusive piece of land.

Adulfus and his squad climbed up the hill, they were the first ones up. As Adulfus peered over the ledge, he could hardly believe the number of traitors camped there.

Ariosis signalled the assault marines ready behind him, and came again the black angels, trailed by fire, to deal swift death. Adulfus stood up, as did the rest of the marines, and yelled out loud, charging towards the traitors.

The maw of his flamer opened and spewed forth the purging flames of the Emperor. None could withstand the fiery bite of Adulfus and Belso’s flamethrowers. Adulfus felled dozens but more took their place. He was not worried though, for nothing could defeat three companies of choleric Astartes in combat.

Adulfus Hiedler felt his anger welling forth at the very thought of the heretics he was killing. How could they not see that the Emperor is greatest of the great? That he is holy beyond compare? That he has led humanity out of the darkness and into the light dozens of times, and that without him, they would not live today?

“Captain, the traitors are breaking ranks,” Battle-Brother Daeghun reported.

“Very well, pursue them. We will not allow them to escape,” Captain Alexi ordered.

The com-link was soon crowded by sergeants ordering their men to pursue. Ariosis’ voice was among them, so Adulfus yelled and followed the scores of space marines trying to cut down the guardsmen.

The space marines followed the guardsmen into a large valley. The following events happened so quickly that Adulfus couldn’t know exactly what happened until he replayed the recording. Traitors and heretics appeared everywhere. It was amazing, the very sight of them. They could easily form two regiments of well-armed platoons.

The guardsmen charged, and the space marines were stupefied. It took a very long moment before they could gather their wits and counter-attack.

“Form a line!” One sergeant called.

“Wedge formation!” Called another.

“Counter charge and do not let up brothers!” Ariosis yelled to his own troops, and they went roaring, smashing through the guardsmen. Their very bulk laid many a foe low, and their weapons scored dozens more.

Adulfus held his flamer in one hand, holding a combat knife with the other. His flamer devoured the traitors with its wrathful flames. His other hand stabbed and thrust, goring his enemies with the combat knife’s powered tip. But for each guardsman he killed, two would take his place. There was no end to them.

Beside Adulfus, Ariosis fought valiantly as well, his chainsword ripping traitors to shreds and his bolt pistol ripping them apart from the inside.

“Good fighting brother!” Ariosis called to Adulfus.

“There are too many sergeant!”

"Is there any better way to die?" Ariosis asked.

A faint whistle sounded, and it slowly grew and grew until the air was filled with the deafening noise. There was a giant explosion, then another, and everything went black.



"Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for."
-Socrates
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-25-08, 06:37 PM
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Nice work- I was there when you talked about this in the Live Chat, which is the reason I read it. I like how you've not made it too obvious for what you said this was based on (it appears you want it secret, so I won't mention) but have included a lot of nice reference.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-28-08, 09:36 PM Thread Starter
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0613 hours local time, after battle, Belgius, Franse Sector, M.38

“...Earthshaker cannon... to bits... no survivors.” Two guardsmen were in deep conversation on the battlefield, standing directly over Ariosis’ badly disfigured carcass.

A short distance away, Adulfus moaned and the guardsmen panicked, waving their lasguns around wildly.

“W-what was that?”

“It was nothing... nothing.”

Adulfus cracked open one eye, the other was pinned to his head by a shard of glass from his eye lens. Almost immediately, stars sprung in front of his vision, making him moan once more. The guardsmen jumped again, one even shot the corpse next to Adulfus.

There was a sudden explosion of blood and one of the guardsmen lost his head. Adulfus quickly fired on the other one, picking up a bolt pistol nearby. A space marine wearily climbed to his feet not a dozen yards away.

“Brother! I am over here!” Adulfus called out, drawing forth his remaining strength.

The space marine staggered over and pulled Adulfus to his feet.

“Battle Brother Leos, second company, Buloris squad.” The space marine said.

“Battle Brother Adulfus Hiedler, third company, Ariosis squad.” Adulfus replied.

Leos nodded, “Well brother, let us see how many others may have survived that terrible blast.”

“And then we may avenge our brave brothers.” Adulfus vowed, his thoughts turning to Ariosis, the first Astartes he had ever felt a bond towards.

Leos nodded once again, not very charismatic it seemed. They set to work, checking every space marine they could find for life.

One especially battered marine was lying in a heap a few dozen feet away. His chest heaving as he drew long, shuddering breaths. Adulfus ran over to him, checking his wounds. Shrapnel had pierced his body in several places, the initial explosion leaving his armour torn and blown apart.

“Brother! Are you well enough to speak?” Adulfus asked, Leos next to him, leaning over the injured Astartes.

“Leos, contact the fleet, we need reinforcements, and plenty of apothecaries with them.” Adulfus demanded, turning over to Leos, who nodded once more and moved off, trying to get a connection through to the flagship.

“Brother Hiedler, a thunderbird has been sent down; it will arrive in an hour.” Leos reported a few minutes later.

0854 hours local time, after arrival of the thunderbird, Belgius, Franse Sector, M.38

The battle was not what I had hoped for it to be. The traitor guardsmen’s earthshaker batteries had killed nearly a company and a half of Astartes, though the rest are being tended to by apothecaries and will live.

My injuries are no small matter either. My left eye is of no use to me anymore, an apothecary removed the glass and then the eye itself. My bionic one will be implanted when I next board the Zeppolin, and I hope that is not anytime soon, for I intend to make the guardsmen pay in full. might of the Astartes against chaos and all others who stand in the God-Emperor’s way.

I recall what Ariosis, my first and only friend as an Astartes, said to me before the explosion: “Is there any better way to die?” I realize that there truly is not; there is no better way for a Space Marine to die than while killing heretic scum in defence of the Emperor’s holy lands. I also realize that nothing more will come from brooding over his death. It happens, and in fact, it is the one thing that is inevitable in our existence. All I can and will do is curse human blood for its weakness, because that is what started the Horus Heresy, or so I believe. I believe it was mundane feelings and emotions that caused it, instead of logical reasoning and ruthless efficiency that caused Warmaster Horus to so wrongly behave.

I am determined not to make the same mistake when I too am in power. I am determined to lead the might of the Astartes against chaos and all others who stand in the God-Emperor’s way. I see now that I am the only one who realizes what must be done, so I must do it. The path I take is one of patience and cunning, of charisma and propaganda. It will take a very long, long time, but I will do it for it must be done. The Imperium of man must be saved from itself.

Humans must die. They killed Ariosis, they killed hundreds of Astartes, they caused the Horus Heresy and they led to the fall of the Emperor. They are the undoing of the Imperium, and so they must die, though I know not how. I am the only one who could save us.



"Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for."
-Socrates
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-01-08, 02:29 PM
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sorta sounds like adolf hitler great job though

Altruism is bullshit, and you know it.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-01-08, 10:57 PM Thread Starter
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How ever did you guess? rofl



"Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for."
-Socrates
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-06-08, 08:42 PM Thread Starter
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Brother Captain Alexi has called Brother Leos and I to his tent for discussion on what to do next. Since we are some of the select few who have survived the earthshaker batteries, I have no doubt we will be of use to the assault that is to take place. I can only hope this conversation will be more pleasant than our last one.

1007 hours local time, after meeting with Brother Captain Alexi, Belgius, Franse Sector
This meeting was not much more desirable than the one onboard the Zeppolin, I will write the conversation from memory as best as I can:

“Greetings Captain,” I said as Brother Leos and I entered. Leos, not a man for words, simply bowed his head slightly.

“Please sit, we have much to discuss.” Captain Alexi said, offering a pair of metal stools, “Please Captain; this is not a time for formalities. I wish to rejoice in combat as soon as possible.”

“You will Brother Hiedler. All in good time, first however, we must discuss tactics. I asked you two to come here because I believe you are the ones who deserve to do this. We wish for you to lead a small stealth force and take out the Earthshaker Cannon—”

“That is a job for scouts, not battle brothers!”

“May I remind you Adulfus that if it were not for my word, you would still be without your Black Carapace?” Alexi countered, “Do you believe that the only way to avenge your lost brothers is by directly assaulting a force far superior to our own? Because I will not send three hundred more marines to fall to the unforgiving shells of an Earthshaker battery!” Alexi was yelling by the end, his eyes alone showed his inner conflict.

“I meant no disrespect sir.”

“No you didn’t. Damn it Adufus, you are too arrogant. Use that superhuman head of yours, what is it telling you? That cannon ripped the better part of three companies to bits, the only reason you are standing here was because of Ariosis’ body was shielding you, and still you suffered wounds that would fell a human.“

Captain Alexi got off his seat and walked up to Hiedler, looking at him eye to eye, “You are an irreplaceable weapon Adulfus, every Astartes is. Each one of your dead comrades was worth a score of normal men to me. Do not ask me to lose more when a much simpler, more efficient solution can be found.” Alexi said, his voice low and filled with emotion, “Now get some melta bombs and lead the damn mission.

“You too Brother Leos, you are going to be leading the second team. There has to be more than one cannon, no matter how powerful the battery, it cannot take out three hundred Astartes by itself. Dismissed.”

While I would rather kill foes that kill my enemies in plain sight, the Codex Astartes does have many articles on stealth warfare.

I will get to handpick my squads, as will Brother Leos, although I still cannot call myself a sergeant because Captain Alexi never said it directly.

I will have to wait after this war then, to see if I have been recognized at such a young age, mere months after my initiation. And months mean nothing when you are immortal.

The stealth mission is about to go underway, we move out when darkness falls.


1800 hours local time, commencing of Search and Destroy operation, Belgius, Franse Sector
Belgius’ blue sun had receded behind the far mountain range and Leos and Hiedler were ready to move out, with their hand-picked squads right behind them.

“Fan out, fifteen metre spread, head north-west.” Hiedler ordered, his men quickly establishing their proper formations.

The going was uneventful; they trudged on slowly, boots making Astartes-sized marks on the soft soil, marring the even ground that lay before them. Minutes passed, and the only thing in sight was the rolling plains that covered most of the planet.

“Damned cannons. Did it not occur to Captain Alexi that they might be mobile?” Adulfus muttered under his breath.

Adulfus was about to call for the men to go back to camp when a faint whistle sounded in the air. One that was too familiar.

“Move, move, move!” Hiedler screamed at the top of his lungs, “Cannons! Move!” Adulfus paused to push a junior Astartes on his way, and started to sprint himself.

There was a flash of white behind him and Adulfus was knocked off his feet. Relatively unharmed, Adulfus climbed to his feet, nearby the others were doing the same.

“Where is Brother Leos?” Adulfus demanded on his vox-link, looking around him for his comrade.

“Over here Brother.” Another marine called back. Adulfus turned to see Brother Merving assisting a battered Leos to walk. At first, Hiedler could not tell what was wrong because of the light, when he got closer however, it was obvious.

Face grim, Leos, assisted by Merving, walked over to Adulfus, “My leg... that damn blast took my leg!”

Without his helmet on, Adulfus could see Leos’ bloodshot eyes, as he sat on the ground, his hands shaking.

“It is the shock; it takes time to get used to the feeling, or the lack of it.” the squad’s apothecary, who had lost several limbs himself, told Adulfus. “He will not be able to continue with the mission of course. We must send him back to the Zeppolin for a bionic treatment.”

“Very well,” Hiedler agreed quietly, gazing over at the now-impaired Leos, he sighed. It is time to take out those cannons before more men are lost to them.



"Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for."
-Socrates
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