Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories 12-08: Loyalty Voting Thread - Page 2 - Wargaming Forum and Wargamer Forums
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post #11 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-03-12, 11:01 PM
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Brilliant stories, all!
For me, reading the HOES tales is becoming more and more like watching one of the "The Fast & The Furious" movies: Just when you think people have hit the top gear, they surprise you and find another higher one.
Apologies if the comparison seems a bit 'lame', but it's the most apt one I could think of. It's supposed to be a big compliment and 'Thank You' to the writers, as I think the quality of people's writing and descriptions here now truly rivals that of actual BL & published novels/novellas/short stories.

Romero's Own ("Apostasy")
I think I understand about the exploration of words, but I'm not sure it fitted into a battle scene.
However, an interesting concept and maybe it could have worked a lot smoother if it was set during a discussion between preachers or scribes and one kills the other for even mentioning heresy/apostasy?

Son Of Azurman ("The Return Of Knight Brightsword")
I'm not sure this was about loyalty so much. Certainly intriguing to see a Tau story here, though.

Vulkansnodosaurus ("Written In The Steel")
I liked the idea that even the one spared from the avatar's wrath isn't quite sure how he has been loyal.

Adrian ("Inquisitor Repentant")
Really good description, quite liked how the words were a bit Lovecraftian (eg "things slithering", etc).

Rems ("Flickering Embers")
A good story, but seemed a bit more like "resolution" and/or "hopelessness" rather than "loyalty".

Dave The Hobbit ("Freedom")
I think I got a bit confused with this. Was Horus saying "I'll be evil, so as to draw out the evil in other Primarchs (if it exists)"?
I do like the hypothesis on "What started it all off?" and whether Horus was always going to be a Traitor (e.g. from gentics), or whether it's a course that someone/thing prompted him onto.

Zinegata ("Where True Loyalties Lie")
Well-written and I enjoyed the concept of ongoing loyalty. Not just one-off displays, but the cost of such things, even against people who could be allies.

Liliedhe ("The Choice")
I didn't get much of a sense of "loyalty" here. Bravery and resolve yes, but not so much about the theme.
However, I think you definitely have potential (and skills) to expand this and put in more about the unit and why she is loyal to them (or about her background and her loyalty to The Imperium) and this might mean it is a lot closer to the concept.
I'd be very interested to read a longer version of this, with more details about this unit, the main character's fall from grace, etc.

Bloody Mary ("Of Beasts And Men")
I liked the idea here, but (like Liliedhe) maybe could have done with more focussing upon the theme...e.g. more background about her history with the dogs, maybe she 'barks' at people when losing her temper, withdrawing from society, resentful towards them due to humans' potential for treachery/lack of constancy/etc?
However, I'd really like to read an expanded version of this going into more depth (both before and after these events).


It seems crude to try to separate people, but I guess it's what we do(?):

1st place (3 points) = Zinegata ("Where True Loyalties Lie")
2nd place (2 points) = Vulkansnodosaurus ("Written In The Steel")
3rd place (1 point) = Adrian ("Inquisitor Repentant")

Once again, fantastic stories and characters; many thanks for giving me the opportunity to read these.
AndyG.

Urgently trying to trace any living relatives of Private Sam/Samuel "Jock" Wilson (Black Watch, No. 6 Commando, UK Army Service ID 2764432, died 10.06.44). Any info/suggestions gratefully received.

"Mockles! Pent on silpen tree, blockards three a-feening. Mockles! What silps came to thee, in thy pantry, dreaming?"

Please check out the HOES (Heresy Online Stories) threads and vote for the tales.
More feedback = better stories for everyone.
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post #12 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-04-12, 04:23 AM
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1st place - Liliedhe: The Choice

2nd place - Adrian: Inquisitor Repentant

3rd place - VulkansNodosaurus: Written in Steel
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post #13 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-04-12, 04:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VulkansNodosaurus View Post
3rd place: Zinegata, Where True Loyalties Lie, 1 pt.. Occasionally, the language seemed slightly off (repetitive, maybe?)
It may be because I have been featuring the Steel Wardens in almost all of my HOEs (the only exception being the Predator tank in the "Falling Rain" contest), and the Wardens tend to be a stoic and rigid bunch.

The intent was to eventually put everything together into a short novel / novella (tentatively titled "On Duties") that will flesh out some of the battles to turn it into a more "Brotherhood of the Snake" kind of book.
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post #14 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-04-12, 02:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Boc View Post
The deadline for voting will be midnight US Eastern Standard Time Tuesday, 04 September 2012
A quick reminder to those who have not voted yet that voting closes later today.

Quote:
Originally Posted by andygorn View Post
Dave The Hobbit ("Freedom")
I think I got a bit confused with this. Was Horus saying "I'll be evil, so as to draw out the evil in other Primarchs (if it exists)"?
As the Emperor's plan was brutal conquest I have difficult choosing which side is "evil"; however, yes Horus was offering to pretend to oppose the plan to show that no-one would support his rebellion.
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post #15 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-04-12, 11:12 PM
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1st: Inquisitor Repentant, by Adrian, for 3 points
2nd: Written In Steel, by VulkansNodosaurus, for 2 points
3rd: Flickering Embers, by Rems, for 1 point

Honorable mention: Freedom, by Dave T Hobbit

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post #16 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-04-12, 11:57 PM
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Default My votes

1st place - 3 points - Dave The Hobbit ("Freedom")

2nd place - 2 points - Zinegata ("Where True Loyalties Lie")

3rd place - 1 point - Andygorn, Purpose Renewed

Sorry it took so long, been pretty busy lately.

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post #17 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-05-12, 11:32 AM
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Boc is away for a few days so I am filling in again.

An extremely close fought competition this month. After recounting, the winners are:

Joint Third Place: andygorn, Purpose Renewed and VulkansNodosaurus, Written in Steel with 9 points.

Joint First Place: Adrian, Inquisitor Repentant and Dave T Hobbit, Freedom with 12 points.
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post #18 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-05-12, 11:55 AM
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Well done all, good to see it being this close



The Silent Lions Chapter

Winter Falls

Darkness

Give a man a match and he will be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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post #19 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-06-12, 11:43 PM
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Although I do not like to share my great and mighty glory (Sarcastic) I am thankful for the many votes I received in this contest. Great job all and to the winners as well. Now maybe the chicks will be all over me.

We move slowly through the shrouds of fog sending pestilence before us. There is no hope! We are the Death Guard. Fear us for we are coming for you!
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post #20 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-07-12, 11:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
Although I do not like to share my great and mighty glory....
I view my part as the noble mage bleeding away Adrian's power to stop him exploding.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
Now maybe the chicks will be all over me.
Try gluing birdseed to your shirt.
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