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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-27-12, 01:30 AM Thread Starter
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Default Ork short story

well this is my first story ive ever written that is based on a gw system

hope you like it


Grob and Baug watched the storm ravens descend onto the damp grass, from a high cliff path facing the open field. The storm Ravens were painted in a deep red with insignia all over them, Grob looked at Baug with a grin that showed his many yellow teeth. “Look what we got ‘ere, Space boys. Da boss will be happy to ere about this. We haven’t had a good fight for a while.” Baug just grunted with satisfaction and continued watching the bulky red figures unload from both of the ramps that had dropped. It was another cloudy day on the surface of Harkor prime, and the landing zone was enclosed by a semi-circle of mountain range and the other half by a huge forest. It was a few hundred miles from the cliff face, on the mountain overlooking the stormravens, to the edge of the forest and yet the ork scouts could still see the contrails of smoke drifting into the atmosphere from the crude ork encampment set deep within the forest. Baug snatched the binoculars from Grob’s utility belt and fixed his gaze on the two Crimson aircraft. The binoculars, which were stolen from an imperial officer that had died six months ago, infused Baug’s already dimmed eyesight with a green shade. He watched the ten red warriors that had disembarked from the first Stormraven snap to attention when one bulky figure emerged from the second. The man waved a hand and the warriors went back to unloading olive green boxes from the First Aircraft. Ten more Spacemarines emerged from the second Raven. They were less bulky than the other spacemarines but carried longer and sleeker weapons. They all strode to the warrior that held a huge axe in his left hand, the same warrior that had arrived from the second raven; they stood there and started talking and gesturing towards the direction of the two orks. “Hur, hur, hur. Laughed Baug and tossed the binoculars to Grob, who caught them in his thick, green fist. He looked into the lenses for ten long seconds, “I don’t see nuffin, these are as useless as Grot teeth.” Replied Grob indicating to the square binoculars. “Ya lookin’ into dem the wrong way, you zog ‘ead.”, Snapped Baug. Grob fixed him with a beady-eyed glare before he turned them the right way and looked into them for the second time. “Zoggin’ ‘Eck”, Grob cried, we better tell da boss.” He tossed the binoculars on the ground and unslung his patchwork backpack and pulled out a stolen imperial vox caster. Another stolen vox caster was located in the orks encampment and used by the Mek. “Wait, Da Mek said not to use it if dere are ‘umies about, cause they can hear us.” Baug warned. Grob hesitated then grunted, and continued unpacking the cox caster “Dat Mek is stoopid, how can the ‘umans can hear us if we’re up here and they’re all da way down there?” he argued. Baug shrugged. “Yeah, don’t make sense now dunnit?” Grob laughed. He picked up the mouth piece and turned on the vox; he switched to the second open channel and waited. “Oi, whose dis?” Grob yelled. There was static for a second for a second before a mechanical growl answered; “This is Baltus Kruger sergeant of the 3rd Assault marine squad of the 4th company, Blood Angels, who in the name of the emperor is speaking?” the voice asked. Grob hesitated a second before replying “No one, ya squig ‘Ead!” snapped Grob before switching to the other open channel. “Whose dis?” He asked again. A high pitched voice replied 3 seconds later “Dis is da Mek shop who is dis?” “This is Grob and Baug.” Grob replied “I aint heard of No Grob or Baug” taunted the voice. “Listen here you snivelling grot where’s da Mek?” Threatened Grob. “Ello? Ello?” Grob got nothing but static and slammed the mouth piece onto the vox. “I’m gonna get that grot an rip his ead off” cursed Grob. “Come on we better go back to da trukk, the driver will be getting angry soon if we don’t hurry up” said Grob as he packed up the vox. He looked over towards Baug to threaten him to get up, but he didn’t move. Grob realised there was a giant hole in Baug’s forehead that leaked grey matter and blood all down his front.


i know there is a few grammitical errors dont need to tell me that

so thoughts?

Quote:
Originally Posted by
Bruva Alfabusa
"My first model had so many layers of paint, that an excavation team could probably find fossils in it".

Last edited by Dave T Hobbit; 06-27-12 at 02:42 PM. Reason: Removed FONT
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-27-12, 03:06 AM
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Haha that was hilarious. Thoroughly enjoyable to read!
You captured Ork thought and conversation perfectly!
Can't wait to see more :D

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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-27-12, 02:47 PM
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Posts should be in the standard Forum typeface, especially if they are longer, so I have removed the font setting.

I agree with KaosHerald; it feels very Orky.

However it was hard to read as a single block; I suggest starting a new paragraphs every time there is a significant event.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-28-12, 01:30 AM Thread Starter
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hm yeah i agree hobbit man, good point

Quote:
Originally Posted by
Bruva Alfabusa
"My first model had so many layers of paint, that an excavation team could probably find fossils in it".
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