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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-01-12, 04:57 AM Thread Starter
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Default Unwanted (A character's introduction fro Freedom's Legion)

Darkness.

All he could see was darkness.

He couldn't remember what had happened to him before losing consciousness. All he could remember is he and that large Hive tyrant falling to their deaths towards a large pool of bio mass.

He carefully edged his way forward, hoping to find some sort of a wall or anything that could help him find an exit, if there was one.

He tried using his vox box to call his comrades.

"Command?" His voice sounded raspy and hoarse, yet loud.

"This is Sargent Desmond of the 17th Stormtroopers, I request a search and rescue. I don't know where I am."

No response.

then, he heard a voice.

"Daddy, this way"

Sara? What was she doing here, he thought.

"Sara? Where are you?"

Desmond saw a small white figure near some sort of a door way.

"Over here, daddy! Mommy's waiting for us!"

Natalie? Was he home?

"Wait, Sara, don't go off too far."

Desmond began to walk towards the door way.

He took a step and heard a large thump.

The floor here must not be very sturdy, he thought.

Desmond edged his way towards the doorway and looked down both hallways to see where his daughter was.

"Daddy, hurry!"

Desmond looked to his right and saw Sara skipping into another hallway.

"Honey, please, wait for Daddy."

As Desmond walked down the hallway to meet with his daughter, he could feel his shoulders touching the walls.

Small corridors, he thought.

After navigating through the mazes of hallways, Desmond finally reached an open area.

The area was littered with dead tyranids and guardsmen. He could see the Imperial Flag flying high on top of a large mound of bodies with a commissar still holding the flag up, even after his death.

"Daddy, come on! We'll be late."

Desmond walk towards a large opening that lead outside of the building.

Desmond quickly grew accustomed to the gleaming light. He could see trees and grass.

That's strange, he thought, it was barren when we got here.

"Sara? Where are you?"

"Here, daddy, over here!"

Sara was giggling and skipped over to a near by tree.

---------

"James, what if Sergent Telous catches us?"

Sara was lightly pushing James away and giggling while she was.

"Oh, come on, he's not gonna devote the entire squad to finding us. He thinks we're looking for extra ammo from the raid on that small tyranid hive from yesterday."

"But still, he'll catch us."

"Makes it more exiting for us doesn't it?"

The both of them kissed passionately, taking few breaks to stare back into each others eyes.

James paused for a bit.

"Hey your hear something?"
---------
Desmond couldn't believe it.

It was his little daughter Sara, all grown up. She looked almost like her father.

She was with a man.

No, he thought, they had better not be doing that while wearing that uniform.

Then they kissed.

"Sara, your on duty." Desmond whispered.

The man looked up.

Desmond got up from his hiding place and began to walk towards the tree.

Then the man's eyes widened and he yelled.

"Tyrant!"

All three of them looked back, only Desmond couldn't see it.

"Go, I'll hold it off!" James said, brandishing his sword.

"James, you'll be killed, just come on!"

James pushed her away and charged Desmond.

Desmond sidestepped and ran towards Sara.

"Sara, are you hurt?" Desmond yelled.

Sara's eyes widened.

"I-It spoke!"

"Of course I did, don't you recognize me? It's me, your fa-"

Desmond roared in pain as he felt a pain in his back.

Desmond looked back and saw James, wielding his knife and beckoning him to charge.

"Insolent little upstart, you'll show respect to your elder!"

Desmond smacked James into the tree.

James hit the tree and landed with a thud and a crack.

The boy lied motionless.

Desmond looked back at his hand.

But his hand wasn't there.

In place of them were large talons. Below the talons he saw another set of talons.

"Wha-what is this?!"

Sara didn't notice him as she ran towards Jame's body.

"No! Don't leave me James! Please, please don't go!"

"Sara, I di-"

"Stay away from me xeno! i don't know what you are, but expect no mercy from me!"

Sara grabbed Jame's knife and held it towards the creature that she used to call father.

"Please Sara, please listen to me!"

Desmond felt a slight tingle in his back and turned towards his back.

"Sara, go, we'll handle things from here!"

It was Sara's squad, she had become a stormtrooper, like her father.

Desmond looked back at Sara and back at his talons.

"You look so much like your mother. Take care sweetie." Desmond said.

Sara looked at Desmond and lowered the knife.

"Father?"

Desmond ran off.

"You three, stay here and look after Sara and James. The rest of you, follow me!"

"No! Sargent, I'll hunt it down."

"No, you've gone through enough today."

The Sargent and the rest of his men ran off into the small forest Desmond ran into.
---------

Desmond looked down at his talons and at his new form.

He was everything that he swore he would destroy, everything he hated.

Desmond looked up at the sun set and then down at the storm trooper camp below.

"Sara, I'm so sorry..."

Desmond knew what he was now. He could no longer have ale with his friends, kiss his wife, or hug his daughter ever again. He was an outcast.

Desmond felt himself shed a tear.

Was this it? Should he end it all here?

"My love... Never forget those that still love you..."

No, he thought, he will live on.

He knew that he must live on in defiance of what he is and what he may become.

Desmond roared into the sky in defiance, telling the universe that he would become a better man. He then saw a large portal open down below, out pored chaos marines. He saw storm troopers shooting in vain as bolter fire cut them down. Then he saw his daughter being dragged away from her tent.

"No, as long as I draw breath not one creature will ever lay a finger upon her!"

Desmond charged down the hill and into the forest below, crushing and pushing down trees that were in his way.

Desmond burst through the outcropping and slew the first marine he could find. He hacked through the marines and anything else that was in his way. The portal crushed itself as the chaos marine began to run back to it. One marine remained.

"Feh, do your worse xeno scum, for Khorne welcomes all those that have shed blood in his name!"

"I am no xeno, heretic."

Desmond could sense the confusion of the marine.

"I worship the one true god of humans everywhere. For The Emperor and the Imperium of Man, heretic."

Desmond brought down his talons upon the heretic's body and ripped him apart as blood flew everywhere.

Desmond could see Sara near a campfire, staring at him.

"If you cannot accept help from a xeno like me, at least let me lead you towards the fortress here." Desmond turned away in order to stop himself from feeling grief.

"She never stopped crying..."

Desmond looked back at Sara.

"After she heard about your death, she wouldn't stop crying."

"Sara?..."

"I missed you, father..."

---------

Kan'Wrek awoke from his meditation. He felt something in the universe, like something that was lost was found again.

"Sir, the Emissary squad is back and they have wounded along with the Ethereal."

"Take them to the spyders then, I'll go and talk with the Ethereal."

"Sir, you might want to hold on to that until you see Steel's injuries. His necrodemius is warping strangely, never seen anything like it! Forlon says that it was caused by some sort of lady in black."

"I'll be there soon. Let me gather my things and I'll meet with Steel when he wakes."

The warrior walked out of the room.

"Something awoke you from meditation, what was it?"

Wolfbane appeared from a dark corner.

"It was a strange feeling, like finding a long lost brother or loved one."

Wolfbane remained silent.

"No matter, meet with the spyders and ask for a full diagnostic of his body and his mental state."

Wolfbane nodded and walked out of the room.

Kan'Wrek grabbed Freedom.

"I felt it as well, Kan. A new ally from a new enemy."

"That means a new race to join our cause."

"I am sure, we're not the only ones who had felt it as well. The Apocalypse Gods must have felt it as well."

"I will request a meeting of the Ten Grand Captains and they will choose volunteers for this mission."

Kan looked out his window and saw grass all around the fortress. A bird flew past the window and landed upon Kan's Staff of Light.

"One day, all planets will experience this sort of peace, xenos and humans a like." Kan said while stroking the bird.

The bird flew to a small perch as Kan walked out of the room.

The bird began to chirp and sing to the small eggs in it's nest.

Take a look at all the primarchs that stayed loyal.
Dead, missing, or in critical condition.

Now, take a look at the chaos primarches.
One missing primarch, the rest are Daemon Princes.

Chaos, The Better Solution.

Paid for by the Word Bearers.


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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-02-12, 04:00 PM
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An interesting premise. I enjoyed the way Desmond rationalised away the evidence that he was no longer the same for so long.

However the short single sentence paragraphs made the story seem very choppy; I feel it would work better if the parts that are not combat were described in longer paragraphs. For example:
Darkness. All he could see was darkness. He couldn't remember what had happened to him before losing consciousness. All he could remember is he and that large Hive tyrant falling to their deaths towards a large pool of bio mass.

He carefully edged his way forward, hoping to find some sort of a wall or anything that could help him find an exit, if there was one. He tried using his vox box to call his comrades. "Command?" His voice sounded raspy and hoarse, yet loud. "This is Sargent Desmond of the 17th Stormtroopers, I request a search and rescue. I don't know where I am."

No response. Then, he heard a voice.
This will let you use short paragraphs to convey rapidly changing events.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-03-12, 03:33 PM
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Wow what a strange, yet satisfying story. You do have a grand imagination.

We move slowly through the shrouds of fog sending pestilence before us. There is no hope! We are the Death Guard. Fear us for we are coming for you!
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 06-07-12, 12:48 PM Thread Starter
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I've been told that.

Take a look at all the primarchs that stayed loyal.
Dead, missing, or in critical condition.

Now, take a look at the chaos primarches.
One missing primarch, the rest are Daemon Princes.

Chaos, The Better Solution.

Paid for by the Word Bearers.


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