Life of a Guardsman
Our story begins not on some cold and unforgiving death world. Nor do we find our hero in the bowls of some bleak and blackened hell scape. We do not even have the pleasure of finding Guardsman Second Class Philip Metz shitting his pants and hugging the plasteel walls for dear life, this all comes later. We find Metz on the muster field on the planet Dundar.
Dundar is a mild planet. Nominally an agri world, it sits on one of the few stable warp routes between Catachan and Ultamar, so in the last hundred years the Guard has brought a lot of men, material and money to this little out of the way system. Many of the Guardsmen who get hurt in transit or develop some sort of aliment that would prevent a deployment to patrol the shipping lanes around the Maelstrom end up here.
Guardsman Metz is a product of a hurt trooper and an unlucky farmers daughter. Metz was never accused of being the brightest of men. He often found himself in down right dangerous situations and never failed to blunder out of them again. After primary school, seeing as further schooling would have been a waste of money, and joining the priesthood would only draw attention to his cockeyed ideas. With an indifferent heart and his father yelling at him to stop being a plonk and get a job he signed up and swore on the Aquila.
So off to basic training, Advanced Infantry school and then to the muster yard where he found himself on a rolling plain, with the picturesque Dundarian Peaks in the distance. Even the bulk landers looked better with the sun rise behind them, with wisps of smoke from cooking fires all over the muster camp rising. That is to say, they looked better to everyone but Metz.
"I don't know why everyone thinks the sun rise is so nice." Trooper Metz muttered.
"What do you mean mate? You don't?" This was is friend Specialist MacOon who was lucky enough to be selected for Melta training.
"Na, its just light you know, don't really see what the big deal is. You can see better in the day. Its just a big distraction" Metz took a bite of the pork sandwich that he had been working on
MacOon leaned on the melta gun he was stripping down and looked Metz dead in the face "You are mental mate. The Emperor got a good one with you boy-o"
If this comment phased him Metz didn't show it. He took another bite and went on, "I mean you don't think General Wertz and standing about saying 'Oh yep the Baneblades are loading on time, and Throne would you look at that sunrise' no of course not." Metz said this a matter of fact in a way that would suggest that he had a direct line to the general and could raise him on the vox to confirm their mutual disdain for the local star, no matter if it was rising or setting.
MacOon sighed "I'll bet next you'll be talking about how women are just around to make babies and cook meals then?"
Metz nodded, again not getting that this was meant to be a joke," What else are they good for then? Its not like they have to get sent to the ass end of nowhere to kill orks in the name of the empire do they?"
MacOons jaw dropped at this one, "So you've never heard of the Battle Sisters then? The churches holy hellions? Brides of the Emperor?"
Metz just shrugged at the thought, "It is a big empire, I suppose females somewhere would get into this sort of stuff, I just feel like they have a place in the empire, and that place is in the home." He takes another bite.
MacOon was shocked at this. At the end of the day, its not like you meet the smartest people the empire has to offer in the guard, if they were that smart they would have hooked up with the Administrative Arm or just hopped a Trader bound for some where else, but here was a man, calmly eating a pork sandwich talking about how he feels like women need to crank out babies. MacOon thought about prodding further in this vein of questions, he was really curious as to whether or not Metz thought that the fairer gender was entitled to shoes.
Musings about womens rights would have to wait, the platoon our heros were attached to had just been ordered to pack up and get ready to move to the embarking point. At least MacOon had learned one thing, Metz would be a wellspring of entertainment and this alone was a good reason for him to be kept alive.
The IG are proof that good things come to us who wait. I've been Guard since 3rd ed. I been in the store and remember getting 5 boxes of men (when they came in 20 man boxes) 3 Commissars and praying that I might survive til turn 4. I've stuck it out, and you know what I have to say? WHO'S DYING NOW HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Last edited by Obinhi; 04-28-12 at 02:12 PM.
Reason: it did post the crap version, new version is cleaner