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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-10-12, 06:48 AM Thread Starter
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Simba's Story

This is my first attempt at writing a story based on a game! :D

If you guys like it, let me know and I'll make some more!


Pvt. Jackson looked at the new guy from across the chimera transport, “So Simba, how old are you?”

“I’m 17”

Jackson looked to Marble, “17?! Emperor save him. He’s just a kid!”

Simba is the name given to the new guy of the 1st veteran squad of the 4th Kalador Regiment. Jackson was Simba before him, and the name has been passed to the newest member for over 1400 years.

“Have you figured out where the fuck we are yet?” Sarg. Wrangle was talking to the driver who took a wrong turn and got lost in the jungles surrounding their objective. Because of the dense foliage command thought it fit to arm all veteran squads with cammo cloaks and snare mines. They were supposed to support the front line operation for the main offensive against the orks. The offensive should be starting in 2 hours and now they were most likely going to miss it. “Your ass is going to be court marshaled!”

“I don’t know how many times I can say I’m sorry!” the specialist was looking nervously around, “we’re almost there,” they weren’t, “don’t worry, I know exactly where we are.” He didn’t.

Jackson was still reeling that they let a kid into this unit. Marble said, “So Simba, how exactly did you get here? You must be one hell of a soldier to make it to this veteran squad at only 17.”

“I was the only survivor of my entire company after the orks massacred them. Why did I live? After defending the line as long as possible, I climbed a tree and waited. I waited for 4 days surviving on the nuts that grew on the tree and the half a canteen of water I had. When the orks moved on I climbed down and found my way back to the lines. That’s when they threw me in with you lot.”

“Damn,” said Jackson, “that puts my story to shame.”

“What's your story?”

“I’ll tell you later Simba.”

“Are we fucking there yet?!” yelled another soldier.

“Quite the fuck down Unger!” Sarg Bellowed back.

Unger impatiently replied, “I just want to kill some damned orks.”

Almost like clockwork, the chimera was rattled with bullets. A hole made by what seemed to be a Lascannon just bearly missed Ungers head. “For the love of the Emperor!” he screamed.

“Ambush! We’re stuck! They knocked out a tread!” yelled the specialist, between firing bursts from his heavy bolter mounted on the chimera. “Ork lootas! 10 o’clock!”

“Get out of the vehicle! Deploy to the right of the tank, into the tree line!” Sarg Wrangle led his squad through the volume of ork fire and safely found defensive positions behind trees and rocks. Unger set up the machine gun and they waited for the oncoming hoard of orks. The specialist remained inside the vehicle to suppress the orks that started leaving the cover of their tree line to advance at the squad of veterans.

As soon as everyone got into position, the chimera went up in a fiery explosion. Even though he wouldn’t admit it, Wrangle felt bad for the bastard that got them into this mess. Then he remembered something. “Marble! Get on the Vox and call Queen 5, call sign X-ray 1-1.”

“Hullo, X-ray 1-1 to Queen 5, come in Queen 5… Is anybody fucking there?!”

Simba started firing his weapon at the oncoming orks. This situation was all too familiar to him. Unger let rip with his heavy bolter and the whole gun line opened fire. These orks however were excellent evaders and only 2 of them fell.

“Hullo, Queen 5 to X-ray 1-1, come in over, what’s your problem?”

“Give me that!” yelled the sarg. “This is X-ray 1. We’re pinned down in grid Echo 22 and need assistance. Our rides down and there’s lots of orks with lots of guns.”

“Roger that X-ray 1. We’re half a kilo from your location; we’ll be approaching from grid Echo 23. Out.”

“Hold the line fellas!” bellowed the sarg. “Sentinels will be here soon!”

Simba looked around there were now two dead bodies next to him. He didn’t even get a chance to learn their names. The orks were now in full view. But they kept firing their crude weapons. The lootas turned their sights to them and opened fire. Simba ducked under a log and turned around just in time to see another of his squad mates vaporized to literally ash.

Enraged by this he took aim again. This time he counted the bodies that fell. 1…2…3… 5 orks in total fell. The orks seemed possessed. Most of their shots were just bouncing off their skin!

Simba heard screaming. He looked to his left and saw Marble’s vox caster had been hit and was on fire. “Get it off me! Get it off me!” He stood up to take it off when Simba saw a puff of blood and Marble slumped over backward. He could only hear the crackling of the vox and the the fire of lasguns. “Wait…” he thought. He could no longer hear the heavy bolter. Simba looked to his left and saw the gun and the two mutilated bodies that were lying next to it.

“We’ve got to get out of here!” Jackson yelled.

“No!” replied Wrangle. “There are the sentinels!”

Just then, two sentinels walked through the trees and opened fire on the orks that were approaching the veteran squad. There were many explosions and after the fact only 10 orks remained. They still did not let up and were rushing right at Simba and his comrades.

Sarg was screaming. “Look out for the lootas!” but the two sentinel operators could not hear him. As though on cue the lootas opened fire and both sentinels crashed to the ground with a loud ominous creaking noise.

“Here they come!” were the last words of the soldier who Simba never learned the name of. A bullet hit him square in the head as the orks came crashing through the tree line.

Simba thought he could see a smile across the sarg’s face as he shotguned an ork right in the face, then proceeded to bash in the head of another. Simba looked around and dodged a swing just in time.

Jackson grabbed Simba’s arm and said, “We have to go! NOW!”

“What about the sarge?” asked Simba, then he looked at where Wrangle used to be and there was nothing but a decapitated body and about 4 orks.

They started running when Simba tripped over a root. “Damn it!” he thought. “My ankle is broken.”

He heard what he thought was a chainsaw and the sound of tearing flesh. He looked left and saw Jackson’s lifeless body fall next to him.

Then there was silence.

Had they thought he was dead? Had they moved on? One could see a glimmer of hope across Simba’s face. He slowly turned around. Then his heart dropped. There was an ork standing above him with his gun pointed at Simba.

The ork mumbled, “Peek-a-boo” and pulled the trigger.
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-10-12, 07:05 AM
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Full blown stories and works of Fiction belong in Original Works, not Homebrew Fluff. This section is more for generating background information.


Nonsense is our Salvation

Last edited by Serpion5; 04-10-12 at 07:29 AM.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-10-12, 04:25 PM
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I like the skirmish nature of the battle; many new 40K writers fall onto the error of writing about epic heroes chopping down hordes instead of people.

The ending is very good; the counterpoint with the Ork joke makes his death more poignant.

I feel that you use of names could be improved: firstly you use more than one abbreviation for sergeant which is a little distracting; secondly, readers usually care less about people without names so not giving the driver a name or even rank weakens Wrangle's feeling sorry and undermines the deaths later on of the two soldiers whose names Simba had not had time to learn.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-10-12, 07:39 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the advice!

I'm used to writing historical papers and peer reviews, still just trying out the whole fiction thing
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