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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-18-12, 05:59 AM Thread Starter
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Icon A War of Shadows

Epilogue
Screams echo deep from within the hive city of Anidemo, as depraved souls and physcopaths lurk in the dark corners of every alley, awaiting their chance to butcher and kill.
Gangs roam the streets, violence erupting into full blown battles as they come into contact.
Nobody is safe in the depths of Anidemo and only the strongest rule through oppression and violence.

To survive is to kill.



Chapter 1
Semat's lip curls as he smirks upon the hapless man writhing at his feet.

"Please, dont hurt me" the man coughs as blood splatters from his broken face, "I have money, a safe full of guns, anything, just dont hurt me".


Semat scornfully kicks the man in the gut, causing blood and vomit to spurt violently from the mans mouth.
"Everything you have, I dont need" Semat taunts as his foot makes another horrifying impact upon the man's ravaged body "This is a lesson, People need to know that I will not be fucked over by assholes such as you. We had a deal. Yet you betray me and try to get away without paying me, now I will execute you and hang you by your throat outside this fucking hole you call a shop!"

Sweeping his coat aside, Semat exposes a laspistol, "This is what is going to kill you" He taunts as his hand lifts the laspistol out of the holster, levelling the barrel with the man's blood splattered head.
"This is for fucking me ove..... " He starts to say, just as his head explodes, splattering gore and brain matter over the shop, and his body falls lifelessly to the ground.

The shop keeper lifts his head fearfully, his eyes searching for his saviour, before lighting upon the dark figure standing in the shadows beside the door.

"Your safe now, go to your bed and sleep easy for the night" a calm voice states quietly, before the figure turns and exits the shop, slowly tucking away the ornate bolt pistol into a long dark coat.



Amiel strides down the narrow street, the bolt pistol sitting comfortably inside his coat, whilst the long power dagger nestles against the small of his back.

His eyes flicker back and forth, searching the shadows for the multitude of killers that lurk around every corner in the city of Anidemo, hellhole of the Expiat system, famed across one hundred stars as the palace of evil and death.

This is his home, and will likely always be his home, corrupted beyond belief by the prospering cults of the warp gods, and sickening followers of Alien religons, this is his home.

As Amiel turns into a shadowed alleyway, his mind turns to thoughts of the God-Emperor, a long time ago Amiel believed in the Holy Emperor, but he became disillusioned and questioning.

How could someone so powerful and magnificent allow such corruption to prosper, and so the Emperor became irrelevant, and Amiel became focused on survival, and the necessity of the destruction of others became life.


To survive is to kill.

Last edited by fishstickz-1; 03-18-12 at 06:15 AM.
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-18-12, 06:25 AM
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Interesting and a good read, but the character of Amiel is just a tad cliche.

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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-18-12, 07:52 AM Thread Starter
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yeah probably, Im pretty new to this whole idea of... writing
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-18-12, 03:52 PM
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Originally Posted by VixusKragov View Post
Interesting and a good read, but the character of Amiel is just a tad cliche.
I do not agree. Amiel is like so many of us who become disillusioned with the living true God, Jesus and church. When everything fails and comes tumbling down it is easy to believe God does not care and is giving us over to needless pain.

In our hurt and misunderstanding we turn from God and wage our own battles to survive. I have felt this way a thousand times, so for me the subject of disillusionment in the face of corruption hits home.

The story of the vigilante is very close to my heart. So good job and write more soon.

A good reputation take a long time to build, but only a moment to destroy. Wow, that's deep! Check out the H.O.E.S. short story competition.
Other stories from Adrian.
Look up Adrian in the "Compendium" to find them. Thanks
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-18-12, 05:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
I do not agree. Amiel is like so many of us who become disillusioned with the living true God, Jesus and church. When everything fails and comes tumbling down it is easy to believe God does not care and is giving us over to needless pain.

In our hurt and misunderstanding we turn from God and wage our own battles to survive. I have felt this way a thousand times, so for me the subject of disillusionment in the face of corruption hits home.

The story of the vigilante is very close to my heart. So good job and write more soon.
I more meant that his actions were a tad cliche, as they reminded me of hundreds of scenes I've read/saw where the mysterious figure fires a shot and tucks the pistol back into his trenchcoat, vanishing back into the shadows. Not that it's a bad or unrealistic character, or that being cliche is always a bad thing, I just found it that way. My fault for not elaborating more. I did enjoy the story though.

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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-18-12, 05:56 PM
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I agree with Adrian: the Masterless Man is a classic trope for a reason.

There are a few spelling/grammar errors, but the story is otherwise enjoyable.
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