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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-14-12, 02:03 AM Thread Starter
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Default The Battle of Styrke

This is my first Fan Fiction, it was for a class. It uses the homebrew Asagard Sector by Haskanael and SGMAlice.

The Battle of Styrke

By Max Metcalf

Prologue
Location: The Fang, Asaheim, Planet Fenris
M41 10:20

“Great Wolf, we have just received an urgent message.” The AI said in an emotionless, near somber tone. “From where?” he asked sternly. “The Asagard Sector sir, something new has developed.” The man sighed “Can the Guardsmen not fight off the Eldar? I thought the Daemon Bones were capable, and what about the Great Company?” “The Eldar forces are nearly pushed back, but we have a new issue.” The Great Wolf turned to the monitor “and what is that?” the computer hesitated for a moment as a single, devastating word appeared on the screen.
“Chaos”

Chapter one
Location: The Fang, Asaheim, Fenris
10:27

“Battle brothers we are in a dark time, we must be sent to the Asagard Sector to assist the Netherheim 1st Regiment of the Guardsmen and our brothers in the Great Company. During their fight against the xenos Eldar they have encountered a more terrible enemy, heretic legions.” Great Wolf Logan Grimnar said in a determined tone as the wind blew the Fenrisian Wolf pelt he had draped upon his armour. To his left stood the Wolf Priest, Ulrik the Slayer, wearing his terrifying Wolf skull helmet, the Wolf Helm of Russ. “We must help defeat the heretics swiftly. For Russ, for the Wolftime!” he raised his Power Axe, Morkai to the sky as the chapter followed suit.

Location: Aboard The Pride of Fenris
15:23

“Old Wolf” Ulrik said as he stepped onto the bridge of the ship. “Ulrik you know as well as I do that you surpass my years by many.” Logan said coldly, his gaze fixed out the window. “True but I must be formal in these times.” Ulrik said as he stepped up to the viewing station. “We shall arrive in three days sir, hopefully we can save them.” Logan looked out at the passing stars and other constellations. “Be there anyone to save.

Three days later,

Location: Above the Munitions Test Sight Alpha, codenamed “Dødheim”
Day one, 5:46
The ships were adrift above the planet, trading salvos with the Chaos fleet as the Great Wolf briefed the Wolf Lords on the situations. Bran Redmaw, Sven Bloodhowl, Bjorn Stormwolf, Ragnar Blackmane and Krom Dragongaze stood before him awaiting his words. One of the intelligence officers spoke, his gaze never leaving his computer. “Sir, the ships appear to be from both the Death Guard and World Eaters legio-” A sudden explosion rocked the ship. “Nurgle and Khorne?” Ragnar smiled “It’s always nice to see old friends.” Logan then looked at the five Wolf Lords. “Brothers we are going to defeat these heretics.” He said as he walked to a large reading of the area of operation. “Bran and Krom shall attack here,” he pointed to the left part of the line “While Sven, Bjorn and Ragnar shall attack here,” he pointed to the left part, which was pushing slightly farther forward. “I shall bring up the center of the attack and we shall defeat the heretic scum.” Just as he finished speaking, Ulrik came in “Great Wolf everything is ready for the deep strike.” He said “Perfect, tell them men we shall begin soon.” He left swiftly “Now brothers this battle shall be bloody, we are under the assumption that there are millions of heretics down there, a good portion of them daemons, and we shall banish them back to the warp. And if things start going bad, The Order of the Sacred Rose of the Sisters of Battle said at the earliest they could be here is towards the latter half of the day. They were the closest Imperial unit having just been on the other side of this sector. So come my brothers, we shall stain the planet with the blood of the heretics!” They left the room and headed for the drop pod bay to assault the planet.

Chapter two
Location: Above Dødheim, Drop pod bay of The Pride of Fenris
6:13

The Great Wolf and Wolf Lords had finished getting into their armour and readying their weapons and were stepping towards the drop pods along with the other Space Marines, both on the ship and on the others. “Brothers, today is the day we make history.” Ragnar said to the men as they boarded their drop pods “I was one of the first men to Space Wolves to step foot in this sector and now we shall defeat the enemies that are here.” The hatches of the pods closed and latched. The men were ready to drop. A straight down drop at hundreds of miles an hour with a bone shattering landing, then the hatches drop and they exit to whatever is around them, good or bad. “Here we go brothers, may the God-Emperor be with you.” Ulrik’s voice projected over their radios. They were ejected, the moment of weightlessness as the battle barge lets go. Then the speed starts to pick up, faster and faster. The radar of the enemy ships fills with red blips as hundreds of drop pods fall towards the planet. The fall will last around two minutes, the longest two minutes of the Astartes life.

Location: Dødheim, Outskirts of the ruins of Styrke
6:13

Everything was a blur; the men of the Netherheim 1st ‘Daemon Bones’ and the few Space Wolves that were left were tired from fighting for close to four days straight. They had lost close to half their strength and were losing the will to fight. Wolf Lord Walter Iceclaw and Commander Ivan Hellborne were in a makeshift bunker just behind the frontlines attempting to make a new plan. “We just need constant fire; it will keep the Chaos back until the support arrives.” Hellborne suggested, suddenly, a large Warp opened behind the Chaos lines and Bloodletters began to pour out of it like a fresh wound. “What are we supposed to do now?!” Hellborne yelled. The Wolf Lord stood up wielding his Chainsword and Bolt Pistol “We shall give them a proper welcome.” He then charged to the front lines with Commissar Hellborne close behind loading his Laspistol and unsheathing his Power Sword. “Come brothers! We shall defeat the heretics! For the Emperor! For Russ!” Iceclaw yelled as he ran past wounded and near death Guardsmen and Astartes, his enthusiasm giving most the will to carry on. Just as they reached the front lines they began firing at the charging Bloodletters, but they underestimated their numbers, there had to be at least 2000 of them. “Keep firing brothers! We shall thin their ranks with fire! And if they make it to the lines, they shall taste the butt of our rifles and the tips of our swords!” Hellborne yelled to the men to keep them fighting. The Bloodletters were less than a two thousand feet away now with even more Chaos Space Marines, Renegade Militia and Greater Daemons behind them. One Guardsman yelled “It’s over man! We’re fucked! We’re gonna get overrun sacrificed to some Chaos god! I’m out!” he threw his rifle down “Deserters will be shot!” Commander Hellborne yelled at them man, but he began to run away from the battle. Hellborne aimed his Laspistol at the man and fired, it connected with his neck just above the base of his shoulders, instantly killing him. “Anyone else want to run?!” Hellborne yelled, but no one responded, they just kept firing. The Bloodletters were a thousand feet away now, the men began to unsheathe their combat knifes and swords if they had them. Some men flipped their empty Lasguns around and prepared to use them as clubs. Then, as they were about to engage in melee combat, there was a sound. Distant at first, like the sound of a Thunderhawk transport flying by, but the men knew they had no air support. The sound grew louder, as if the God-Emperor himself were about to crush the enemies with his fist. Then the first drop pod slammed into the ocean of Bloodletters, followed by more until it was like steel rain. Then it stopped, and all the drop pods sat unmoving. The Bloodletters that were blown back by the force of the drop pods were still dazed when the hatches slammed open and outstepped the Great Wolf himself, Logan Grimnar, followed by Ulrik the Slayer and a few other members of his retinue, while Ragnar Blackmane, Sven Bloodhowl and other Wolf Lords exited other drop pods, followed by hundreds of Space Wolves. They just stood there unmoving, save for Ragnar bringing his boot down on a Bloodletter. Logan then turned around and looked at the Imperial line. It was withered thin and had barely any troops left. Ragnar looked back as well and lifted his Frostblade above his head, shouting, “For Russ!” and he began charging towards the Chaos lines, the Space Wolves charged behind him with the Guardsmen following close behind. Soon they were engaged in close quarters combat, Logan brought Morkai down through a Chaos Space Marines torso, splitting him in two. He turned around to see Ragnar running through the masses of Chaos and delimbing and decapitating heretics left and right with his Frostblade. They were pushing the Chaos back fairly quickly; they had almost made it to the top of one of the rocky hills of rubble. But as they crossed the peak of the hill, they saw exactly what they didn’t want to see. Well over a million Chaos Space Marines, Militia and Daemons. This battle was far from over.

Chapter three
Location: Styrke Outskirts, Dødheim
12:53

The battle was still raging, a violent stalemate. It had been nearly seven hours since the Space Wolves arrived and they’d pushed slightly forward. They were tearing through the Chaos legions; the blood of the heretics stained the decrepit earth. There were bodies everywhere. The battle was nearing an end when more Daemons came from the Warp, Greater Daemons. A Great Unclean One and a Bloodthirster emerged, two of the most fearsome enemies anyone has laid eyes on before. The Great Unclean One swung his Plague Sword once and took out thirty Guardsmen. As this happened, another portal to the Warp opened and let lose more Chaos Space Marines and lesser Daemons. The Great Wolf knew this wouldn’t be good and ran over to Ulrik who had just crushed a Khornate Berzerker’s skull with his staff, Crozius Arcanum. “Ulrik! We are going nowhere with this fight! We must move into the city over there” he pointed about a half mile to the West “We’ll have cover and more chokepoints there!” Ulrik looked at him “I agree, let us go.” The Great Wolf ordered the men of the Space Wolves and the Daemon Bones to move to the city. The men all began a flat out charge to the city, firing over their shoulders from time to time, but then another warp gate opened up directly to the front of the group of troops.

Location: Ruins of Styrke, Dødheim
15:03

Hellborne and Grimnar stood in a small “bunker” that had been made when a skyscraper crumbled to the ground with the other officers and captains looking over a quickly drawn outline of the chokepoint they made. “The Chaos obviously know we’re here, but not exactly where here is. The Sisters of Battle should be here in the next few hours and Netherheim reinforcements are a day or two out, so if we can keep them at bay for a couple of days we will be rewarded with the finest ordinance the Imperium has to offer.” Hellborne said charismatically before the men. He then pointed at a quickly sketched outline of the area. “In this building we have multiple teams set up with mixes of Heavy Bolters and Lascannons, on the roofs and other higher locations we have sniper teams watching the horizon. On the main road we have your men,” he glanced to the Space Marine leaders “set up to destroy anything in their path.” He then pointed to the farthest North point. “If we are overwhelmed we shall take the metro system here, it is fairly intact and runs all the way North-West to the next closest city, Strøm, a city which as far as we know is in fairly good condition, there are even rumours of civilians the-“ Before he could finish a large explosion rocked the building, followed by volumes of gunfire and more explosions. The men exited the bunker to find the Chaos attacking en masse. The men were holding the line though; the enemies hadn’t expected fire from all sides. The armies had backed themselves into a corner surrounded by destroyed buildings so there was only one front to attack. Then, a sniper team came over the radio. “We have sighted a possible Defiler down the road, moving towards the line.” The men knew a Defiler would cause major damage. “We need Dreadnought support right now!” Ragnar yelled into the radio to command. “Copy that, give us a little time.” The situation was getting worse, rounds were hitting all around, the enemies weren’t thinning, the Dreadnoughts hadn’t come in and the Defiler was coming closer. “FOCUS ON THE DEFILER!” Hellborne yelled over the comms to the heavy weapons teams. The fire wasn’t enough; their Heavy Bolters didn’t pack enough punch to stop it. It was firing its cannon and ripping apart any soldiers who charged it to try and place charges on it. Then, over the radio, command spurt out two words. “Dreadnoughts inbound.” This boosted the men’s morale tenfold. It wasn’t until about a minute later that they witnessed the death of the Defiler. Through all the bolts, las and grenades, it was taken out by a drop pod slamming straight through the center of it in an explosion of dirt and purple fire. Five Dreadnoughts led by Bjorn the Fell-Handed came out of the pods and began to decimate the enemy, but it wasn’t enough, they needed more, the Chaos just kept on coming. Recon showed that the Bloodthirster and Great Unclean One were at the back of the mass of troops, about four miles away. Four miles wasn’t very far in this situation, they would need some serious firepower for those targets.

Forty minutes later

The Greater Daemons were two miles away now; they really needed support but would not get it soon due to many issues. The ongoing space battle was stopping the use of orbital bombardments and the Sisters of Battle weren’t quite there yet. Things were looking grim, but they kept fighting, both sides under extreme fire. One of the buildings with the Guardsmen in it began crumble, the loud cracking of the cement as it gave way. The building fell towards the street, crushing many Chaos under it and causing a slight interference with their lines. You could hear Guardsmen who survived calling for help or even some firing their weapons. One man managed to make it out of the building and was stumbling towards the line when a few Berzerkers attacked him. He managed to fend them off momentarily with his combat knife, yet this was in vain, as they got the upper hand and savagely ripped him limb from limb, blood spraying in each direction. Then, out of nowhere, drop pods slammed the street, some hitting buildings, one even brought down a crumbling ruin. This was just the entrance the Order of the Sacred Rose wanted, a surprising one; they jumped out of their pods and were immediately firing on the Chaos Legions. They tore through the troops between them and the frontline of the battle. The Chaos were dropping like flies, the blood and bodies clogged the street like a massive artery, but they were not letting up. They just kept coming, and the Greater Daemons were closing in. Hellborne ordered the Guardsmen to base their fire towards the back where the Daemons were. The men began to focus on them, to little effect. They were too close now; the Great Unclean One’s vile plague was beginning to affect the men. Flies were enveloping the men, limiting their view. The foul odor of Nurgle’s rot was making them cough and some vomit. The Bloodthirster was swinging his sword in random directions, damaging and bringing down the few buildings still standing. The leaders knew they needed to act, and fast. Hellborne used his radio to request support from the command vessels above in space. “Command we need some kind of support! Just do anything that will save us!” the radio squawked back “Copy that Commander, we’ll do as best we can.” The fighting continued outside the small makeshift bunker, it was a battle which wasn’t going very well.

The Greater Daemons were getting closer, the men were getting sick and the ammunition was running low. Everything was going straight to shit. Hellborne stepped out of the bunker to join back into the fight, which had intensified. He was amazed that the Space Wolves could hold back the Chaos as well as they were, the line hadn’t been broken once, but those Greater Daemons were getting closer. Then support came, four Vulture gunships flew in strafing the enemy masses and firing their Hellfire missiles at the Greater Daemons. “That’s it?!” A Guardsman yelled “a few Vultures? That’s just gonna piss those Daemons off!” The pilots came on the radio “We’ll be strafing the Chaos as we see fit sir.” Hellborne replied “Thank you men, kill as many as you can.” The Vultures flew by again, firing at the Daemons. The Great Unclean One swung his massive sword and clipped one of them and it slammed into a crumbling building, bringing it down upon the Bloodthirster who stood up with no damage. Then a roaring sound echoed over the horizon, a thunderous sound was thumping across the landscape. Then it came, two massive Thunderhawk Gunships flew in, they fired their massive cannons towards the Daemons, they ripped the Great Unclean One apart, the greyish brown gore spraying the battlefield. Blackmane raised his Frostblade to the sky in a victorious fashion, yet they still had the Bloodthirster on their hands. Ulrik looked to Grimnar “We must defeat the Daemon to end this battle.” The Great Wolf looked at the Bloodthirster “Then we shall,” he then spoke into his radio “One of you Vulture pilots must fly me by that Bloodthirster.” The pilot spoke back “Are you sure? That’s insane!” Grimnar spoke sternly “I am sure of this, come get me.” About a minute later one of the Vultures landed near the bunker, Grimnar hopped into it and held the side. It began to fly towards the Bloodthirster which was destroying more buildings. When they were about 20 feet above it, he jumped. Grimnar flew down to the Bloodthirster and began to slash at its skull. It let out a monstrous scream that echoed throughout the ruins. Then the Great Wolf dropped down to the Daemon’s throat and slammed his Power Axe, Morkai into the throat of the monster, its blood spraying out. The Daemon screamed a blood-curdling scream as its life poured out like a waterfall. It began to fall to the ground and Grimnar jumped off as it was about to hit the ground. He landed in a graceful landing right in front of the Imperial line. The Chaos who were left broke into a full retreat with the Imperium chasing them with rounds. The leaders met back in the bunker. Hellborne spoke “I thank you my Space Marine lords, you have saved the men of the Daemon Bones’ lives and we shall always be in your favour.” The Great Wolf stood up “We are Space Marines of the Emperor, we must always save our brothers.” The Space Wolves leaders then began to make their leave to the Valkyries waiting outside. The other Wolves had already gotten onboard the Thunderhawks there as the Guardsmen were tending to the wounded and cleaning the dead. The road they had just fought on was filled to the brim with Chaos troops, not to mention the two Greater Daemons.

Epilogue
Location: Aboard The Pride of Fenris above Dødheim
18:12

Ulrik walked into the bridge slowly, Great Wolf Grimnar stood at the viewing window overlooking the planet “Great Wolf, we are about to make the jump back to Fenris, the Inquisition will definitely want to know what occurred here today.” Ulrik said to him. “We cannot leave here yet Ulrik.” Grimnar sternly said. “Why Great Wolf? We have stopped a Chaos invasion.” He asked confused “Because” Grimnar slowly said “We have not stopped the invasion, just halted it.” Ulrik walked to the viewing platform “What makes you say such a thing Great Wolf?” he asked him “Look” Grimnar pointed to the window “We shall have another attack within days, this one bigger.” Ulrik looked to the eastern side of the planet, where the purple clouds of the Warp swirled intensely.
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-14-12, 02:15 AM
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Very interesting. I like your interpretation of the Space Wolves, but this begs for a sequel with that cliffhanger ending

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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-14-12, 03:28 AM
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From an editorial standpoint, you might want to consider breaking up those huge blocks of text. I've noticed that you smash all your dialogue together into huge paragraphs, which isn't exactly correct in terms of writing form. You're also missing or misusing punctuation in several places that would help ease of readability if you were to correct them.

As for the actual content, it isn't a bad story, and far and way better than some of the first attempts in writing that I've seen in the past. If you just get the technical issues down, you'd be golden.


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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-14-12, 03:34 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jonileth View Post
From an editorial standpoint, you might want to consider breaking up those huge blocks of text. I've noticed that you smash all your dialogue together into huge paragraphs, which isn't exactly correct in terms of writing form. You're also missing or misusing punctuation in several places that would help ease of readability if you were to correct them.

As for the actual content, it isn't a bad story, and far and way better than some of the first attempts in writing that I've seen in the past. If you just get the technical issues down, you'd be golden.
I did write it fairly terribly.
I bet my teacher will have a heart attack haha.

Thanks guys.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-15-12, 08:48 PM
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You do the Netherheim Proud a good story, but indeed it almost predicts a sequel.

Good job hope you got a good mark for it in class.

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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-15-12, 10:16 PM Thread Starter
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I got a 47 out 50
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