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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-02-12, 10:43 PM Thread Starter
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Default The crazy girl.

The crazy girl.


The ocean waves crashed against the coastline like the hammer of an angry god. It was wonderful to behold for I had never seen such a thing before. It was also frightening because of its terrible cruelty. – From the memoirs of bounty hunter, Batomias Salimai

The sand beneath my feet was hot because of the angry, bitter sun that enslaved my home world, Jansol Primary. The blade in my hand was sharp and strong and meant for battle. It was not however, good shade from the unrelenting enemy, the sun.

Water was scarcely ever seen upon the surface of Jansol Primary. Only in some of the deeper caves could water be found. I was headed toward one of those caves hoping to find something new in the process. What I found would forever change my life.

***

Years have passed since that moment of my life. I am not a child anymore nor am I even a young man. I am not too old ether. Sure I may be counted as old in the normal life of any other human, but the regen-grafts and the augmetics have helped me to look younger than most people could ever imagine me to be.

‘How far now until we reach the Eldar?’ she asked. She was always asking questions and that was fine for the most part, but now was not the best time for me to be answering questions. So I said, ‘Rest Malinda. It is fine for you to watch and learn sometimes rather than for me to spell everything out to you.’

She crossed her arms and leaned back into her seat. Malinda Frescol. I found her in the basement of a drug lord in the Provential district in the lower west side of the Barsolis Hive in Manteris.

It was a crappy little place, but I had to track the crap waste down for a murder he had committed upon the moon colony, Hesterashiod the Lesser. He went into a small house and started to shut the door behind him, but I was there and kicked it open.

He tried to pull a las-gun from his jacket but I kicked him in the face and broke his jaw. It felt good but felt even better when I found Malinda Frescol. She was twenty at the time and very pretty. For a bounty hunter like myself seeing her tied up naked on the bed…well, it was tempting to say the least.

At the time I felt that she would prefer to be freed rather than to be pleasured so I cut her bonds and threw some cloths at her. I turned around and started for the stairs when I heard her coming up behind me. I had to stop myself from kicking backward; instead I turned and smiled at the young woman. ‘Where do you think you are going?’

‘I’m coming with you.’ she said while pulling her shirt over her blessed body.

‘No, I don’t think you are. I don’t even know you and there’s more money in it for me if I go at it alone.

She smiled and whispered something. To this day I still do not know what she had said, but here she is, with me ever since.

She was quite handy to have around too: one she knew how to use a firearm; two, she knew how to fight; three, she knew how to do other things that are not for the less augmented to even imagine. Smiling now would only tip her off that I’m thinking of her. I am distracted enough as it is.

‘Groxy-poo?’ she purred. I hate it when she calls me that. I think that is why she does it, to get under my skin. Under my skin…under hers…

This girl will be the death of me yet. ‘I have to concentrate on the matter at hand.’

‘So, how far until we reach the elder?’ she asked again.

‘Ten minutes, maybe fifteen.’ I answered.

‘Can we kill them then or do we have to take them alive?’ She asked.

‘Well, if they give us a choice I would prefer dead.’ I answered again.

‘What did they ever do to anyone?’ she questioned again. Always the questions. I always have to answer them or she would continue asking until it felt like my head would explode.

‘They killed Lady Antibais and her retinue last week while they were in rout to Olimpias for a concert. They were found skinned and sexually abused. All the gold and jewelry they carried had been taken as well.’

‘Fekk. These are bad ones aren’t they?’ When we kill them; if we happen to find the jewelry, could we possibly, I mean well…?’ She was a cat. A sly cat from the underworld. I wish, I so wish I had left her there in the basement of the house. She says nothing unless it’s presented in the form of a question. Even a statement can be turned into a question.

I think I’m going to kill her and jet her out of the air lock. I smile. She smiles back, unaware of what I’m thinking, I hope. I swear there are times she asks me questions that she already knows the answer to. Sometimes she asks me questions before I have even thought of the subject at hand. It’s like she is directing my ideas before I have even thought of them.

She nods up and down, and then looks up at me smiling. I don’t know what she is thinking, but I sure hope she is not thinking what I am thinking.

She shakes her head from side to side in a no I did not kind of way. I think she is gaming me.

I have to clear my mind. The Eldar will not be happy to see me. I land quietly outside of the range of their hearing and we disembark from the shuttle. It is now that she becomes quiet and serious. It is now that I truly begin to fear her abilities.

She moves like a shadow and slips into the night. I move to the east of the Eldar camp. There are five of them. They laugh in their alien tongue. One is wearing the dress of Lady Antibais and dancing around the fire.

I step out into the open, las-gun raised, ‘Batomias Salimai, bounty hunter. Put up your hands.’

Of course they do not do as I command. Instead they are on their feet and going for their weapons before I can even fire my own weapon. They are faster than I could ever have imagined and dodge my weapon fire with ease.

I think they are laughing as they come for me. They stop laughing when two of their number falls to the ground, their heads now fragmented puddles of paste.

Malinda Frescol steps from the shadows and winks at me. I can see her wink in the firelight. I am too stunned to even think about the Eldar. She is laughing. The Eldar turn from coming for me and set their attentions toward Malinda.

A moment later and the Eldar are all dead. Malinda is laughing as she searches through their stuff. ‘I found the jewelry!’ she exclaims.

I stammer and stumble forward in my dismay. ‘Who,’

She cuts me off and grows serious for a moment. ‘I am what you think I am. But I am also a loving woman. All I ever wanted from you is for you to love me. As long as you do that I will love you back.’

For the first time since I had met her she did not ask a question. It was a complete statement. There was no laughter, just hope that she would be accepted. There was no mental manipulation, just complete openness.

Five years have passed and we are still together. We make a great team and she is the best lover I have ever had.

Do you want to know what I found on the way to the water cave? It was a bottle with a note inside. I was just a young man when I found it, but somehow I knew it was meant only for my eyes. The note read, “You will find me in the basement of a man you will be chasing. You will love me and accept me for who I am.
Love Malinda.”

A good reputation take a long time to build, but only a moment to destroy. Wow, that's deep! Check out the H.O.E.S. short story competition.
Other stories from Adrian.
Look up Adrian in the "Compendium" to find them. Thanks

Last edited by Adrian; 03-03-12 at 09:32 PM.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-02-12, 11:58 PM
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You changed tense about half way through from past to present. That's really all I can say bad about it


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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-03-12, 12:23 AM Thread Starter
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Default hi.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jonileth View Post
You changed tense about half way through from past to present. That's really all I can say bad about it
That is because it is supposed to.

A good reputation take a long time to build, but only a moment to destroy. Wow, that's deep! Check out the H.O.E.S. short story competition.
Other stories from Adrian.
Look up Adrian in the "Compendium" to find them. Thanks
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-03-12, 12:40 AM
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The shift in tense seemed awkward to me, which is why I brought it up. Wasn't sure if it was intentional or what.


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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-03-12, 10:44 AM
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I found that the quote at the start blended into the text a tough; it might read better if it were in italics.

I fell that the list of Malinda's qualities would read better with slightly altered punctuation:

She was quite handy to have around too: one she knew how to use a firearm; two, she knew how to fight; three, she knew how to do other things that are not for the less augmented to even imagine. Smiling now would only tip her off that I’m thinking of her. I am distracted enough as it is.

This divides the individual points making them clearer without losing the sense of a list.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-03-12, 09:33 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave T Hobbit View Post
I found that the quote at the start blended into the text a tough; it might read better if it were in italics.

I fell that the list of Malinda's qualities would read better with slightly altered punctuation:

She was quite handy to have around too: one she knew how to use a firearm; two, she knew how to fight; three, she knew how to do other things that are not for the less augmented to even imagine. Smiling now would only tip her off that I’m thinking of her. I am distracted enough as it is.

This divides the individual points making them clearer without losing the sense of a list.
I liked the change you suggested and have applied the idea to the story. Good thinking.

A good reputation take a long time to build, but only a moment to destroy. Wow, that's deep! Check out the H.O.E.S. short story competition.
Other stories from Adrian.
Look up Adrian in the "Compendium" to find them. Thanks
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-04-12, 10:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
I liked the change you suggested and have applied the idea to the story. Good thinking.
Glad it helped.
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