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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 11-27-11, 02:55 PM Thread Starter
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Default The Hunt

This is my very first attempt at writing anything. I welcome all comments and will try and adjust the writing to suit. Any changes I make to the prose will appear in green.

This is the first Chapter and as such isn't completed yet. That said I'll get right into it

Chapter One - Deliverance


"Take cover!" Someone shouted as the next bombardment slammed into the ground around the 113th Cadian Infantry. The ground shook with the impact and the men shared scared looks as the roar of the explosions filled the air deafening everyone in the trenches.

Captain Arun Aldwyn glanced to his left and saw a young private from the 5th platoon being sick. Who could blame him? The entire regiment seemed doomed.

"Chin up lad, we'll send them packing soon enough and you'll make the Emperor proud when we do. Have faith" Aldwyn said as he tried to give a little confidence to the private.

"Yes, Sir" He didn't seem encouraged. It was probably his first actual posting thought Aldwyn. At this rate it would likely be his last too.

They had just received word that the 63rd Armoured Division had been annihilated by Ork Stompas to the south of them. There was very little protecting his men from being swept away by the green tide that would inevitably charge in soon, the Emperor knows how long they would last against the Orks.

The bombardment stopped, the ringing in his ears didn't. He glanced at Lieutenant Hawes

"Get the men ready! Emperor knows we're going to give those Orks a right bloody hiding!"

"Yes sir"

As Hawes ran to get the men prepared. Captain Aldwyn took another glance around. He was no orator and knew he wouldn't be able to provide the words that some Captains seemed to come up with so easily. All he knew was how to lead, and to lead by example. But he felt the men respected him all the more for it.

He crept up the ladder at the edge of the trench and risked a look over the top.

Nothing

He could see absolutely nothing, but he knew it was coming. They had to hold their ground as long as possible. The surviving civilians on Velbas III needed to escape through the only starport left operational to the Imperium. The 113th were now all that stood between the Orks and Cratius Hive, the longer they could hold the greenskins back the more civilians could escape.

The view ahead of him was still obscured by the smoke from the bombardment but he could still see far enough to give enough warning to the men. The smoke began to clear and he took in the devastation that now appeared. Craters pocked the old agri-farmland that had sustained the hive they were now protecting. Devastation as far as he could see.

The few buildings that had stood around the farmland were now completely and utterly destroyed by the bombardments, the men who had worked these fields would not recognise it anymore. Hell! he thought, they are unlikely ever to return to the planet now anyhow! They'll all be shipped out to some other Emperor forsaken part of the galaxy to begin another colony.

Aldwyn paused for a second as he heard a distant thump followed by a high pitched whistling sound. "Incoming!" He yelled as he quickly dove back into the relative safety of the trench.

For three days his men had been entrenched in this position as the heavy guns kept them in cover as the Waaagh of Badgutz dealt with the other Imperial forces that had tried to oust the Orks from the planet. This had been the first real pause in the bombardment that the 113th had experienced, and Aldwyn couldn't understand why.

"Sir! The Colonel wishes to speak with you" A young lieutenant shouted as he came running, making sure he kept his head below the ridge of the trench to avoid the shrapnel that was flying above their heads.

"I don't suppose he mentioned why?" Aldwyn replied, flinching as a particularly loud and more importantly, close shell smashed into the ground nearby.

"Senior officer meeting, Sir"

"Very well"

---------------------------------------------------
Aldwyn had to duck as he entered the Command bunker of the 113th. Colonel Brock was sat around a large holo-map of the area along with the other Company Captains.

"Gentlemen, it would seem the Orks are amassing for their attack. We have as you know received word of the destruction of the 63rd. What is the condition of your companies?"

Overall the response was good, only the 7th had taken a mauling a couple of days before when they had sent men out to scout the hills to the west.

They were ambushed and killed by Ork Kommando's and one of the brightest lieutenants in the company had lost his life that day, it was said by the survivors that Lt. Cole had laid charges at the base of a ravine the 7th had been retreating down when he was cut down by Ork fire. The charges however had detonated and blocked the path to the Orks allowing the rest of his men to escape.

"Very well" The colonel continued "I would like Mortar and Heavy Weapon emplacements every one hundred metres of the trench. We still have four Leman Russ attached to the Regiment and a squadron of Valkyries. The Valkyries will sweep the field as the enemy advance and we will deploy the Tanks on our flanks to protect the men for as long as possible."

The men glanced nervously at each other as the Colonel finished his statement. They knew as well as the Colonel that this was likely to be their last act in the Emeror's name.

"I don't need to tell you the gravity of the situation men. You are fine leaders and I know you will do your duty. This will be the 113th's finest hour. The longer we can hold this field the more time we can give the civilian transports to escape."

"Any questions?" Asked the Colonel

"Have we had no word of any reinforcements sir?" Asked Captain Vaughn of the 8th Company. "No, we don't even know that the distress call was even received. We're on our own gentlemen. Our only hope is we give the civilians enough time to evacuate and then to make a fighting withdrawl ourselves."

"Go back to your companies and make sure they are fully prepared for what is to come. We will, hold the line gentlemen, dismissed!"

As Aldwyn walked back to his company he thought of the events that had got him into this situation in the first place. It had started two months ago from what he could remember on Velbas IV.

Some Ork had subdued the other clans on the planet and built up a large enough force to rout the Imperial Garrison stationed there. Why the Imperium hadn't dealt with the Orks earlier was beyond him. But time had let the Orks gather strength until they were too strong to contain any longer.

The garrison had been destroyed and Velbas IV left to the Orks. The fact the Orks had built spacefaring craft from the salvaged Imperial supplies so quickly had been astonishing. Within a matter of a couple of weeks the Orks had bi-passed the Velbas III's defences and made landfall in force, looking for their next big fight.

Initially the large garrison protecting Velbas III had the upper hand and had forced the Orks back into the North of the planet. But at that point something strange had happened. Imperial supply lines had been cut, units were being ambushed and some of the high command had gone missing.

These were tactics that he knew weren't generally associated with Orks. The Imperial Guard where on the backfoot and no matter what they threw at the Orks, the greenskins took it and kept coming.

Eventually about a week ago the decision had been made to evacuate the planet by Governor Crassius. As usual the Governor and his aides left first with the civilians following behind.

The Guard were entasked with protecting the evacuation points until everyone had escaped and then for themselves to make a fighting withdrawl. The Governors ship had been shelled as it had taken off and the wreckage had crashed into the civilian ship "Goldsmith" which had virtually leveled evacuation point one in Hive Primus. The Orks had taken advantage of the confusion and slaughtered all in the hive.

Cratius Hive was now all that remained of the surviving Imperial evac points, the perimeter protected by the surviving regiments on Velbas III. The 23rd Skittaran Regiment "The Wolverines", the 71st Velbas Regiment and themselves the 113th Cadian Infantry.

The posting had originally been intended as a rest rotation for the Cadian regiment until the Orks had struck, now they were fighting not just for their lives but the remaining populations.

He arrived back at his command tent and called for his lieutenants.

"Men, I've just seen the Colonel. We're to have Mortar and heavy weapon emplacements every one hundred metres along the trench's defences. See to it."

"Yes, Sir!"

The men left the tent and set about their work. He could trust them to do it efficently and so took the opportunity to have another look over the edge of the trench Ridge.

"Orks!" He shouted as he ducked back down. Despite the shelling, he could quite clearly see the Greenskins charging towards them through their own fire. Why had none of the sentries spotted them? He made a mental note to have discipline the duty Sergeant.... if he survived.

The heavy thump of the Autocannon emplacements already in position opened up and he saw men run to the trench wall to repel the Orks.

"Fix bayonets!" He shouted over the din of the artillery and Lasgun fire. He knew it would spoil their aim but better to have them on now for when the Orks arrived rather than having to fight without them.

He crept up the trench wall again. The Orks were still two hundred metres or more from their postion but moving quick. He saw a group of the greenskins torn apart by the sustained fire of the autocannons to his left just as a shell fell from the sky and smashed into the tightly packed greenskins hurling their bodies across the field and into other Orks. Still they came. The enemy not caring whether they hit their own or not. Emperor knows there's enough of them anyway, thought Aldwyn. He grabbed his Laspistol and checked the power level on the side. Fully charged.

He looked up again to see the Orks had closed to within a hundred metres, bloody hell these xenos could run! He took careful aim at the leading Ork and snapped of a shot from his pistol. The beam caught the Ork in the side but didn't slow it down as it ran, not taking any notice of the wound. He fired again and saw the Ork fall to the ground after the red hot beam passed through it's skull.

"Fire!" he heard a Sergeant yell further down the line. Lasgun fire criss-crossed the air between the trench and the oncoming Orks. He saw many of the foul greenskins fall, but for every one they killed two more seemed to take it's place. The Orks were within fifty metres now and as the Orks ran through the first wire line there was an explosion which shook the ground. The Orks had run across the line of charges the Guard had set. He tried to see through the smoke that now covered the field. It eventually cleared and all he saw was carnage. The Orks had taken the full force of the impact, very few of that first wave survived and those that did where still trying to crawl their way towards the Imperial defences. Stubborn bastards, why won't you just die.

"Finish them off lads!" he shouted. Lasgun fire and autocannon fire filled the air as the remaining Orks where shot to ribbons. Those had been the last of their charges however, all the others had been expended and the demo teams where now teaming up with the other weapon teams to bring them ammo from the supplies.

"Here they come again!" Shouted a private further down the line to his right. He looked across the field again and saw the man was right. The Orks had already sent in a second wave of boyz and they were making good progress across the battle-scarred ground towards them. The mortars opened up and he saw the shells land amongst the Orks throwing body parts across the others, but still they kept coming.

This is it, he thought as he stared at the Orks charging across the field. This is where I die. The autocannons opened up again and they tore into the Orks, he fired his laspistol at the green mass surging towards him but knew at this range the weapon wouldn't carry much punch.

It was then that he heard it. Softly at first and only just over the roar of the artillery and heavy weapons. But it grew stronger by the second.

Engines.

"Here come the Valkyrie's boys!" He yelled as aircraft screamed over the defence lines. The aircraft opened fire with heavy bolters and tore into the oncoming mass. They hovered above the field and only then did Aldwyn get a good look at them. They weren't Valkyries, they were Thunderhawks!

"Astartes!"

Last edited by dutchy1982; 11-28-11 at 11:33 PM. Reason: Grammar, punctuation and spelling.
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 11-27-11, 04:32 PM
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Default The story flowed nicely.

I really enjoyed the fruit of your work. The story flowed nicely and the ending made me smile too. Of course there were some issues with punctuation, spacing and sentence structure; those things you will learn with practice and time but what really stood out to me were the unfinished words.

There were many words that would have been spelled right except for missing letters. When writing a story take the time to check the small things as they become huge to critics that endlessly scour people's work for mistakes and to those who want to get into your work but the distractions of laziness keep them from it.

To not take the time to re-read your work and fix the spelling before presenting it is lazy to say the least. Grammar, punctuation and spacing are skills that have to take time to grow but there is no excuse for bad spelling because of the resources available to you.

Spell check, dictionaries and thesaurus guides as well as other people's novels can help with the spelling issues.

As far as sentence structure don't be discouraged, that is a learned skill that comes with practice.

This section is an example that maybe will help with giving you ideas for the future... Overall the response was good, only the 7th had taken a mauling a couple of days before when they had sent men out to scout the hills to the West. They were ambushed and killed by Ork Kommando's and one of the brightest Leuitenants in the company had lost his life that day, it was said by the survivors that Lt. Cole had laid charges at the base of a ravine the 7th had been retreating down when he was cut down by Ork fire. The charges however detonated and blocked the path to the Orks allowing the rest of his men to escape.

Example: The 7th had been mauled severely a few days previous when the orks attacked the regiment as they scouted out the land. But for the actions of Lieutenant Cole they all would have lost their lives.

The ambush from the ork commandos had caught the 7th on their back foot and had been brutally executed. Men were blown apart by the crude weapons of the orks and torn limb from limb by their strong arms; some were even bitten in half by massive jaws that bared hideously curved tusks.

As the 7th retreated through the ravine, Lieutenant Cole planted charges in the soft earth priming them to detonate in twenty seconds, but as he sought to escape he was cut down by ork bullets and killed.

The charges detonated as planned and collapsed the walls of the ravine upon the ork hoard and they died in their hundreds.

Lieutenant Cole would for the rest of their lives be remembered as a hero and calibrated in their memories for the sacrifice he had made.

Keep at it and learn all you can. I believe you have great talent that can be developed so don't quit and enjoy the imagination God has given you.

A good reputation take a long time to build, but only a moment to destroy. Wow, that's deep! Check out the H.O.E.S. short story competition.
Other stories from Adrian.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 12-13-11, 06:44 AM
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You humans disgust me. You think youíve got EVERYTHING figured out, like the world just revolves around you guys because you learned to walk upright and you won the evolutionary lottery with some opposable thumbs. And so now youíre so soft and weak you invent things to scare yourselves, like ghosts and goblins and sparkly vampires.

You want to be scared? Iím a Thomsonís Gazelle. Try walking a mile in my hooves.

You idiots think paying some of your ďmoneyĒ to go into a dark room and watch fictional scary stuff is a good time? I have to keep my eyes peeled at all times or itís lights out. Forever. Thereís no, ďoh I had a bad dream, Iím so scared!Ē for gazelles. If I forget to check my six while Iím taking a freaking drink of WATER Iím going to get my ass bitten off.

Last edited by Shelly26; 12-14-11 at 09:25 AM.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 12-18-11, 02:10 PM
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Default Wow.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shelly26 View Post
You humans disgust me. You think youíve got EVERYTHING figured out, like the world just revolves around you guys because you learned to walk upright and you won the evolutionary lottery with some opposable thumbs. And so now youíre so soft and weak you invent things to scare yourselves, like ghosts and goblins and sparkly vampires.

You want to be scared? Iím a Thomsonís Gazelle. Try walking a mile in my hooves.

You idiots think paying some of your ďmoneyĒ to go into a dark room and watch fictional scary stuff is a good time? I have to keep my eyes peeled at all times or itís lights out. Forever. Thereís no, ďoh I had a bad dream, Iím so scared!Ē for gazelles. If I forget to check my six while Iím taking a freaking drink of WATER Iím going to get my ass bitten off.
Now that is funny.

A good reputation take a long time to build, but only a moment to destroy. Wow, that's deep! Check out the H.O.E.S. short story competition.
Other stories from Adrian.
Look up Adrian in the "Compendium" to find them. Thanks
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