I Claim This Planet In The Name Of Mars!
This is a Marvin Martian / 40K crossover. A what if story as it were. Read at your own risk. I had fun writing it and I hope that you have fun reading it as well. The story would be funnier if you know who Marvin Martian is before you read the story.
I Claim This Planet In The Name Of Mars!
The happy dog sat, mouth open, tongue hanging out of the side of its mouth dripping saliva and tail wagging furiously back and forth alongside his master. The tail was long with a very pointy end and it moved almost too fast for the eye to see.
Its red nose sniffed the air taking in each scent and separating them in micro-seconds. Even though the dog was happy, it was ever wary, always watchful and searching for any threat. The dog’s ears were very long and hung by the sides of its head innocently; a sign of the dog’s full trust in his master.
From the view-port it watched the stars, mesmerized by their bright lights and the glowing streaks of them as they passed by. The dog was intelligent, more so then other dogs and most people for that matter. It tried to count the stars as they past them, but alas there were too many. They appeared and vanished far too quickly to be counted easily.
The dog barked and wagged its tail all the harder when it noticed its master watching him. ‘Be patient K-9. We will be home soon.’ the Martian said as he lifted the Roman style helmet from the dog’s head and scratched it with his white gloved hand.
The dog immediately barked and rolled over onto his back seeking more affection from his master. The Martian would have smiled if he had had a mouth, but his eyes were large with love for his pet and friend. ‘Get up K-9. Is that the way a soldier of Mars is supposed to act before his mighty Commander?’
K-9 barked and stood to attention, head upright, ears out to the sides; back straight, tail stiff and pointed. Its legs were long and skinny, yet very strong and limber. Upon its feet old style basketball shoes, white with no laces were worn. With its left ear it saluted boldly. ‘That’s better K-9.’ the Martian said before placing his attention back to the control board and forward view finder of the Interplanetary Flying Saucer- X-2.
The Martian’s round black face reflected gently in the glass of the forward view finder, but his white eyes with black irises were as headlights in the dark , set under his Roman style helmet. His helmet matched K-9’s helmet exactly except for size of course. ‘Oh dear!’ Marvin exclaimed as he took in the readings from his information desk.
K-9’s eyes turned to the side and watched his master curiously. His ears were straight up and cupped slightly in question. ‘K-9, it appears that earth is still here and it still obstructs my view of Venus. Queen Tyr’ahnee will be so angry, so very angry indeed!’ At the mention of the Martian Queen K-9 jumped up and disappeared into his helmet. The helmet hung in the air spinning slowly as the dog sought to escape.
‘K-9. The Queen is not here; you can come out now.’ Marvin Martian said. His English aristocratic accent soothed the dog and before long it was back to form, happy and sniffing the air once more. ‘Being the ruler of the universe is so taxing. I am gone for only twenty thousand five hundred years and the earthlings seem to forget who is in charge.’ He said thoughtfully. ‘Oh look K-9; the earthlings have taken to the stars. Isn’t that just lovely?’
K-9 watched his master for a long while intent upon his every word. He listened to him as he made plans for the inevitable invasion. K-9 listened to him as he gathered the items he would need for the upcoming confrontation with humanity. K-9 finally fell to boredom when Marvin Martian started the mathematical calculations he would need to calibrate the proper ka-boom. Marvin started speaking in techno-babble as was common when planning a planet’s destruction.
K-9 panted and sat wide eyed as he watched the strange space-ships as they passed by. They were very large and long and kind of resembled chewy bones. At the thought of chewy bones K-9’s mouth started to water again. He licked his lips in anticipation. ‘Not now K-9. We have a world to destroy.’ Marvin said distractedly.
The Imperial warships passed by the Interplanetary Flying Saucer X-2 with no knowledge of their presence. The saucer’s cloaking field was working perfectly. ‘K-9, I must prepare for the invasion. Be a good dog and watch for danger.’
K-9 jumped to attention, stiff and alert, his lime green fur glowing lightly as the searchlights from the Imperial warships passed over him. Marvin was not worried about the warships; as long as they could not be seen, they were safe. Marvin left the bridge and returned a short while later dressed in his armor.
His helmet was green and looked ancient, like those the Romans wore complete with the horse hair crown. His breastplate was blood red and his armored skirt green. His feet were armored in basketball shoes that matched K-9’s. Upon his belt were holstered weapons of various types; a power sword, his A.C.M.E. Disintegrating Pistol along with many other pockets filled with diabolical destructive weapons. Though he was small and looked fragile the enemy would fall to his destructive power and intellect. When he thought of the battle to come he laughed. It was a nasally, back of the throat sound that rattled the nerves. ‘Oh, I am so happy K-9. Today we will destroy earth.’ he said. K-9 panted and wagged his tail in excited anticipation.
Even though the earth’s defenses were ready for an attack, the Interplanetary Flying Saucer X-2 zipped past the massive gun towers and through the radar fields without detection. The Martian space craft plunged deep into the earth’s atmosphere in cunning ease. Marvin and K-9 watched the earthlings practice and train their armies from right above them, the cloaking field surrounding their saucer more than able to hide them from prying eyes.
Imperial Guardsmen and Space Marines alike marched back and forth in columns of discipline and strength. ‘They are quite impressive K-9. Too bad they will all die.’ K-9 wagged his tail at the sarcasm of his master.
‘Open the disintegrator ports, K-9.’ The dog barked and obeyed. K-9 trotted over to the control stick and nudged it with his nose. The doors opened slowly and silently and the disintegrator cannons slid slowly into place. Thousands of soldiers moved about below unaware of their impending doom.
‘Fire the disintegrators K-9.’
With a flash of green light the world below them disappeared. Nothing remained except for a hole one hundred feet deep and as wide as a small lake. Taken by surprise the earthlings stood in utter shock. Even the Space Marines charged with the protection of the human race faltered in the light of death before them.
Marvin Martian laughed and fired again. With a flash of power the military base disappeared, nothing remained. ‘Oh, isn’t that lovely?’ With the twist of his wrist Marvin directed the Interplanetary Flying Saucer X-2 to his next target.
The Imperial palace sat upon the location of what used to be a great mountain. Within its walls and behind its force-shields thousands of buildings prepared for war. With the attack from unknown origins the highest alert had been sounded. Fifty thousand guardsmen and space marines had simply ceased to exist; the Emperor’s dwelling would not be so easy. Marvin expected as much. The Interplanetary Flying Saucer X-2 hovered over the war city searching for the proper place to strike. ‘K-9, fetch me the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.’
When K-9 returned he had in his mouth a long red tube with a long fuse. Marvin patted his dog on the head and took the explosive from his mouth, ‘Good dog. Now fire the disintegrator cannons again.’
The pulsing beams tore apart the force-shields as if they had not been there. At once the gun placements began to fire massive reactive shells into the sky. Not knowing where to shoot, the operators filled the whole of the sky in explosive death.
‘Evade their weapons, K-9 while I prepare the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.’ Marvin said. In a few moments he had lit the fuse and dropped it into the loading chamber of the cannon specially designed for this very purpose. He pressed the green button and began to laugh. Marvin Martian waited in expectant anticipation for the sign that his victory was complete.
Time passed but nothing happened. ‘Where’s the Ka-boom? There was supposed to be an earth shattering ka-boom!’ he said, frustration filling his voice. K-9 disappeared into his helmet upon hearing the frustration from his master. ‘K-9 this is not the time for you to quail before me. You have work to do.’ With that the dog returned fearfully back to his controls.
Marvin patted him on the head again before moving over to his A.C.M.E. telescope. He looked through the receiver and turned a few dials before pulling his face away again. ‘The fuse has gone out, K-9. We have to go down and relight it. Oh this makes me very angry, very angry indeed.’
The Interplanetary Flying Saucer X-2 evaded the directionless firepower of those below with silken smoothness and landed in a courtyard East of the Emperor’s dwelling. Its landing gear deployed, giant basketball shoes for wheels. ‘K-9, engage the force-shield and open the deployment portal.’
When the deployment portal opened the cloaking field receded, allowing the naked eye to see the saucer. It was not long before the space marines converged upon the small ship and began to lay siege to it, but as much as they wailed against it with their firepower, they could not even scratch the interplanetary paint job. The force-shield was doing its job very well.
Marvin watched the space marines for a while intrigued by their crude violence. ‘K-9, I want my Ka-boom. They are between me and my Ka-boom.’
His legs moved like a blur but his top half seemed to remain in place, floating above them. His white eyes squinted in murderous determination as he advanced upon the Space Marine’s position. ‘Die Xenos scum!’ they shouted at him as they fired their bolters and lobbed grenades. They were crude weapons but would be effective against most enemies, but against Marvin’s mobile A.C.M.E. force-shield they were as rubber balls to an iron wall. ‘Die earthlings!’ Marvin Martian shouted back.
As quickly as lightning Marvin Martian drew his A.C.M.E. Disintegrating Pistol and began to fire. Each shot was deadly accurate and with each shot a Space Marine vanished from existence. There were hundreds of them now gathering in the courtyard and the halls beyond and they began to advance quickly upon the Martian.
Drawing a few handfuls of small seeds Marvin threw them into the ornamental fountains that sat resplendent and undamaged amongst the fighting. In a flash an army stood before the Space Marines. ‘Instant Martians, just add water.’ Marvin laughed.
The Instant Martians, were over three meters tall, heavy fast and strong. They were green and covered with feathers with purple tufts ringing around their long necks. They had long arms that ended in three long fingers and upon their small heads were antenna that looked like small palm trees. Upon their faces were long iron hard beaks. Their legs were long and orange and their feet were large, webbed and taloned.
Quickly they advanced upon the Space Marines even as the Space Marines advanced upon them. Blood flowed as the two armies congealed together. Space Marines were bitten in half while Instant Martians were blown apart and sawn in to. Marvin cleaved through the throngs firing his A.C.M.E. Disintegrating Pistol and swinging his power sword. He moved with an assuredness that defied description. He was a warrior with cruel intent.
As he moved through the melee ten Space Marines advanced upon him, bolters firing and chain swords flailing. Marvin quickly pulled from a pocket on his belt three small black dots and flung them at the feet of those charging him. Instantly the dots expanded into spheres a meter wide and landed on the ground. Unable to stop in time the Space Marines fell into the bottomless holes never to be seen again.
The Emperor of mankind stood resplendent in his golden armor, power staff held out before him. Lightning flashed from the golden skull mounted atop the staff and struck Marvin’s force-shield. He was thrown back and nearly fell into one of the bottomless orbs he had thrown down earlier. ‘You have made me very angry, very angry indeed.’ he said as he got up.
Marvin pulled from his belt a small tube that quickly expanded into a three foot long bazooka and as quickly as light fired the weapon at the Emperor of mankind. The Emperor remained standing but he was shaken. His armor smoked but was otherwise unharmed. The Emperor smiled and tried to take a step forward, but could not.
He tried to lift his arms but found that he could not lift them. He let out a psychic scream that caused everyone on the battlefield to fall clutching their heads because of the pain. Blood poured from eyes and ears and mouths and bones were shattered, but there before him Marvin Martian still stood unharmed by the greatest warrior mankind had ever known.
The Emperor’s arms and legs were bound in a straightjacket and Marvin showed him the weapon he had used. ‘This is an A.C.M.E. Straightjacket Ejecting Bazooka and you have been bound.’
Though the Martian only stood waist high to the Emperor he was not intimidated by him. The Emperor looked down upon his foe, ’Why are you not as the others, laying flat upon the ground at the mercy of my mental might?’ Marvin Martian’s eyes squinted until they were merciless slits of hate. ‘My helmet bars the entry of your kind from harming me.’
He looked at the Emperor’s hand and his eyes grew wide in happiness, ‘I see you have found my Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator. I will take that from you now. As quick as the blink of an eye he had taken the explosive and tossed it to his dog K-9. ‘I will use that later. I will destroy earth because it obstructs my view of Venus. Isn’t that lovely?’
The Emperor stood there defenseless before the Martian. For all of his might and power he could not escape the malevolence of this destructive little being. The Emperor sought to stall for time in hopes that more of his warriors would come to his rescue, but as far as he could see in his mind’s eye everyone for miles around were still on their knees from the power of his psychic cream. Even so, he still tried to reason with the Martian, ‘May I ask one request from you before you end my life?’ he asked. Marvin thought about it for a moment. ‘No!’ he said and stabbed the Emperor in the chest with his power sword. ‘I claim this planet in the name of Mars!’
As he pulled it out blood flowed down the breastplate of the Emperor. Marvin lifted his A.C.M.E. Disintegrating Pistol and fired it point blank into the Emperor’s face. Half of the Emperor’s torso along with all of his head disappeared in a flash.
The corpse fell backward but Marvin had already turned and was making his way back to his saucer, ‘Come on K-9. We have a planet to destroy.’ The dog followed devotedly behind his master while the world around them mourned the loss of the Emperor.
The Interplanetary Flying Saucer X-2 zipped zig-zagging back and forth through the atmosphere for three minutes. The fuse of the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator was lit once more and launched upon the defeated world.
In a flash of light the earth disappeared and the shock wave of the destruction exploded outward with unimaginable force. Every warship simply ceased to exist as the shock wave swallowed them whole, but Marvin was not worried about that for he was already long gone.
K-9 sat, tail wagging, mouth open, tongue hanging out of his mouth dripping saliva, ears hanging to the side of his head, happy and content beside his master. Marvin Martian’s eyes were wide in wonder, ‘Look K-9 I can finally see Venus. The Martian Queen will be so happy. Let’s go home.’ K-9 wagged his tail and barked with excitement. The thought of going home to Mars was liberating.
Marvin sat at his control station and squinted his eyes in pure rage. ‘K-9, someone else is living in our home. They have made a mess of it too. This makes me very angry, very angry indeed!’
A good reputation take a long time to build, but only a moment to destroy. Wow, that's deep!
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Last edited by Adrian; 11-06-11 at 04:36 AM.