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post #61 of 65 (permalink) Old 12-29-10, 08:14 PM
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back. I am turning mine back to 1997 and I am going to assassinate Tony Blair and Gordon Brown before they fuck up the country.

***

My wife moans at me saying all I do all day is watch porn, drink beer and wank.
She wants to try being a hgv driver, it gets boring.

***

Asking Jedward for their autographs should be enough of a distraction for you to be able to bite one of them in the face.

***

I went on a beach-hopping holiday last week.

Chopped 86 bees.

***

Apparently selling t-shirts for the upcoming World Cup which say "Anyone but England" is not racist.

Excellent news, I'm off to write "Anyone but Muslims" on the runways at Manchester Airport.

***
I don't think of myself as I rapist.
More of a sexual ninja
***
So the postal strike is in full swing, but funny how the bills still manage to get delivered!
***
New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him...
***

No offence meant to anyone, please don't shoot me.

Someday someone will say something about me witty or memorable enough to put here til then enjoy this;

Rule 66: the cake is a lie
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post #62 of 65 (permalink) Old 12-29-10, 09:03 PM
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Darth Vader and Luke.
Suddenly in the middle of the fight, Darth Vader pulls Luke to him, and whispers "I know what you're getting for Christmas!"
Luke exclaims "But how??!?"
"It's true Luke, *breath* I know what you're getting for Christmas."
Luke tries to ignore this, but tears himself free, screaming "How could you know this?!"
Vader replies, "I felt your presents."

[Flerden] 9:05 pm: Why the hell can't he just go offline if he goes to watc tv?
[dark angel] 9:06 pm: It is Doelago, we will never know
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post #63 of 65 (permalink) Old 02-06-11, 07:29 PM Thread Starter
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im brining this thread back to the world of the living! asamorgo necromundis necrons bloodbowl battlefleetgothicus!


My Deceiver is a shard of the true thing and yet has killed
Draigo
Lysander and countless marines
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post #64 of 65 (permalink) Old 02-06-11, 07:36 PM
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Liverpool FC

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post #65 of 65 (permalink) Old 02-07-11, 11:32 PM
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A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine.

All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.

The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada ."

The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada ?"

The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?"

"No", says the Canadian "A taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals."

The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us."

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