could not describe what someone looked like 2 mins after last seeing them
i know this too well. although that might just be that to vaguley (vagley? vaugley? i think its that last one) understand what they are saying i have to focus on there (thier? their?) mouth and the rest is not taken in.
also, i have a problem concerning routines and change. that is, i do not like my routine beeing changed, even if i dont like it. for example, today (well, an hour ago) we sat down to have tea and my sister sat in my place. felt like someone had grabbed my soul and twisted it slightly. i was only 1 place down than normal, but it realy depressed and upsett and AARRRGGGHHHH me. but i got past it, if not over it and did not mention it because it is a silly little thing that only matters to me.
and if i am forced to go though a change then i get all stressed and frustrated and, well, AARRRGGGHHHH as i am taken out of my comfort zone and thrust in to a new world where i dont know what to do or how to act and its all new and without continuality i feel lost and adrift.
which is a horrible feeling and makes me appear shy and afraid of the unknown.
On another note, to everyone - what is it that you actively do on a day-to-day basis to cope with your struggles? In what manner do you take action in an attempt to improve your quality of life?
well, i usely hide in my fantasy and my books but when i come out of it i am even worse than before. i think the best thing to do is to find a group of friends that understand you and sympthise with you (but dont pity-pity implies that they are better than you, even if they mean it in the nicest way possible-they are sorry you can not be like them.) and just hang out. that is the best way. counsling is a waste of money, as it acchives the same end over a longer period of time, and seclusion makes it worse. just live life and soon you are almost normal (as normal as you can be in this world of individuality-when everyone is differnet, what is normal?)
bloody hell that was good.
also, one thing i found is that people did not activly set out to bully me. they did some macho talk, and i did not know how to respond, and often it degraded in to bullying from there. i suspect that some of them did not even susspect that they were bullying me untill i cracked and tried to take on this guy 3-4 times the size of me. and it is too my credit that i can look back at that moment and laugh at it and that i bear the guy no ill will. especialy considering the fact that one of my old bullies (who once punched me in the face) is now dead from drug over dose (and he is (was?) the same age as me). and whilst i dont like him, i dont hate him either.