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post #111 of 526 (permalink) Old 11-18-14, 04:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Zion View Post
Gotta whole bunch to share this time:
This gave me AIDS. I hope you're happy.

IN THE US? ASK ME HOW TO GET 10% OFF GAMES WORKSHOP PRODUCTS!

My homebrew Space Marine Chapter: The Astartes Lions Rampant

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post #112 of 526 (permalink) Old 11-18-14, 06:04 PM
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http://www.theladbible.com/articles/...cuum-his-farts

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"This actually happened this afternoon. Not very much backstory needed for this one, however I guess I should explain myself.

Firstly – I’m lactose intolerant. Really badly lactose intolerant. If I have cheese, whey, pretty much anything with milk solids in it, I’ll start blasting with wind like an involuntary ass trumpet. Diarrhea happens occasionally as well. The issue is that I really, really like brie.

Secondly – I was home alone today. My girlfriend had gone out to lunch with her friends and I thought I’d surprise her by cleaning the house whilst she was away. Who knows? It could have led to some grateful sexy times. At it turns out though, this was never to be.

Before I started, I spotted some brie in the fridge. It wasn’t long into vacuuming that I started feeling churning. I farted a few times (relatively mildly), before an epiphany hit me: why don’t I vacuum away my farts? The smell will be contained inside the bag and potential embarrassment in the future may be avoided. Without further ado, to maximise absorption, I undid my pants the next time I felt another gas wave hit me.
So began the biggest mistake of recent memory. It turns out that between the negative pressure of a vacuum and the positive pressure of a fart, that the effect was stronger than anticipated. As the fart arrived, the gas was rapidly absorbed into the vacuum tube – along with the end segment of my large intestine.

Unsurprisingly, this hurt a fucking lot. I immediately turned off the vacuum and tried to push my sphincter back inside my ass – turns out that doesn’t work, and it also hurts a fucking lot too. Not long after, my girlfriend arrives home. I avoid explaining why I’m in the bathroom for a while, but eventually I come clean. She laughed way too much before realising shit was serious.

I’m in hospital now, being prepped for surgery to reconstruct my ass. Seriously people – as smart as you might feel about vacuuming away your farts, just don’t do it.

TL;DR – I vacuumed out my rectum trying to contain a fart."


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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bindi Baji View Post
It's not a black and white question really, there are different shades of anal probing,
a rectum spectrum, if you will

Last edited by Vaz; 11-18-14 at 06:06 PM.
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post #113 of 526 (permalink) Old 11-18-14, 06:30 PM
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Originally Posted by The Son of Horus View Post
This gave me AIDS. I hope you're happy.
Only AIDS? I need to try harder next time.
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post #114 of 526 (permalink) Old 11-18-14, 10:52 PM
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http://www.theladbible.com/articles/...cuum-his-farts

Sounds like one of my mates


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I think Tawa is a temporal entity that exists outside of the hobby/modeling timeline. Essentially, he's the Heresy Online equivalent of a Time Lord... which is kinda hilarious and frightening all at the same time.
"God-Emperor? Calling him a god was how all this mess started."
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post #115 of 526 (permalink) Old 11-20-14, 12:40 AM Thread Starter
ZOMGZOR CUSTOM USER TITLE
 
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Grandmas getting high and playing Cards Against Humanity for the first time.


http://i.imgur.com/aPfHUHy.gif?1





Last edited by Dave T Hobbit; 11-21-14 at 12:41 PM.
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post #116 of 526 (permalink) Old 11-20-14, 11:37 PM
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Last edited by Khorne's Fist; 11-21-14 at 10:16 PM.
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post #117 of 526 (permalink) Old 11-21-14, 08:10 AM
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Have a sample of Australian Diplomacy.





Nonsense is our Salvation

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post #118 of 526 (permalink) Old 11-21-14, 08:24 AM
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American Citizens. Blergh,



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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bindi Baji View Post
It's not a black and white question really, there are different shades of anal probing,
a rectum spectrum, if you will
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post #119 of 526 (permalink) Old 11-21-14, 10:55 AM
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Nonsense is our Salvation

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post #120 of 526 (permalink) Old 11-21-14, 11:50 AM
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I got made fun of, by Americans on Xbox live because of the way I say 'mate'

and they kept asking me whether Brits have munted teeth


do I sound like a bloody pommy to you?

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Bruva Alfabusa
"My first model had so many layers of paint, that an excavation team could probably find fossils in it".
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