rock and a hard place - Wargaming Forum and Wargamer Forums
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post #1 of 39 (permalink) Old 10-29-13, 10:21 AM Thread Starter
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Default rock and a hard place

I recently became engaged to my girlfriend of 6 years. We get along well and we're both good looking and attract attention from others.

I love her, I know I would be happy with her. If I end up marrying her I never see us breaking up.

My problem: I don't know that she is "perfect" for me. Im constantly trying to improve in everything I do and in this situation it's tearing me up.

The odds I would find someone more "perfect" for me are amazingly small, but they exist.

Do I take a chance to get something that will make me happier? Or do I stay in a relationship that I know is at a high enough level to work for a lifetime?

If I tried and failed to find what I'm looking for I would likely never get her back.

Im not sure it's worth the risk. The current relationship is very healthy other than my perfectionism.

Thoughts : - /
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post #2 of 39 (permalink) Old 10-29-13, 10:38 AM
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All I'll say here is that the perfect mate DOES NOT exist! If you seek perfection, be prepared to be a bachelor for life. Marriage is all about compromises that both individuals can accept. You'll both have to constantly work at it to maintain that equilibrium as we all chance over time. Don't forget that once you've managed to achieve a suitable equilibrium point as a couple, you'll have to re-work that all over again when the kids come!

Bottom-line: Can you see yourselves growing old together? If so, that it'll be worth making the effort to achieve that.

PS: My credentials... Married to a Sicilian for 12 years with two kids and still working on that equilibrium bit on a daily basis!

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post #3 of 39 (permalink) Old 10-29-13, 10:46 AM
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im not sure how you can consider your relationship as "very healthy" if you are posting this type of question on a war game forum, you are engaged to be married, which by its definition means you are giving yourself mind,body and soul( not to mention legally) to the other person, if you are worried that you could do better then do the girl a favor and let her go now.



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post #4 of 39 (permalink) Old 10-29-13, 12:11 PM Thread Starter
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Well as it stands we don't plan on having kids. And I can see us growing old together.

As for me saying very healthy, that was to everything other than this. I also posted this here because, well, Internet "nerds" are the most honest people around.

I'm currently about to give myself. I haven't already. At least in my mind.

It's not that I'm trying to "do better", she is amazing. I just don't know if she is the perfect fit for me. The way my mind works is wierd. Some days I think there could be no better, others not so much, through no fault of hers. I'm just confused.

I have full blown A.D.D. and partial depression which most likely is why I swing on my thoughts of the relationship. Problem is I can't tell when im depressed or if im thinking clearly. Either way, I still love her.

But, are we right for each other?
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post #5 of 39 (permalink) Old 10-29-13, 12:46 PM
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Your over thinking the issue, if and when someone 'perfect' comes around worry about it then.

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post #6 of 39 (permalink) Old 10-29-13, 01:13 PM Thread Starter
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But that's the problem. I won't know any of these other people because ill be engaged or married.

Basically, do I chance a 9 out of 10 relationship to shoot for a 10?
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post #7 of 39 (permalink) Old 10-29-13, 01:15 PM
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Life is full of what ifs and could have beens. Don't let them fuck you over.

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post #8 of 39 (permalink) Old 10-29-13, 01:35 PM Thread Starter
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Either choice im stuck with getting fucked by life.
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post #9 of 39 (permalink) Old 10-29-13, 01:44 PM
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No that is you thinking it. If your happy with this person your happy. You are self fucking yourself and blaming something else.

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post #10 of 39 (permalink) Old 10-29-13, 02:04 PM
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Honest as the internet nerds are, we are neither psychic nor prescient. Are you perfect together? No idea!

But what wookiepelt said is very true. Any relationship is a balancing act, sometimes frustrating sometimes amazing. Children do totally change the equation, and remember that no birth control is perfect.

I'll give you an example though. My wife and I have been together for 7 years, married 5, and we have known each other about 15 years. Some days we are perfect for one another. Some days we make each other crazy.

We both decided that we wanted to be happy and frustrated with one another, more than anyone else.

Do you want to enjoy/be frustrated by this girl for the rest of your life? Can you see yourself wanting to forgive anyone else more?

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