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post #1 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-13-13, 04:59 AM Thread Starter
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Default Jokes!

Though I'm sure one's been up before, I don't see any recent ones, so I figure Heresy is due for a joke thread.

Knock-knocks, ..walk into a bar, quotes, anything funny's allowed. Go nuts. (within some sort of reason)

To start us off, something I saw the other day..

What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common?

Both get to smell the goods but neither of them get to eat 'em!


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post #2 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-13-13, 09:49 AM
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what do you called a spy underwater

james pond



Sanity is for the weak

check out what im working on http://instagram.com/revilo444

Last edited by revilo44; 10-13-13 at 10:49 AM.
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post #3 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-13-13, 10:10 AM
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*Pond?

I have a good one;

Islam.

W-L-D
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post #4 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-13-13, 10:20 AM
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By agreeing to these rules, you warrant that you will not post any messages that are obscene, vulgar, sexually-oriented, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws.

Just a reminder.

http://i.imgur.com/aPfHUHy.gif?1




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post #5 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-13-13, 10:27 AM
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It's not hatefull to disagree with an opinion (That's what all religion is, no?) I expect someone will make several priest or rabbi jokes in this thread. I will not be any more Vitriolic than that cheeky little one liner above that was said entirely tongue in cheek, no offence was intended by my joke.

That better?

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Last edited by Chaplain-Grimaldus; 10-13-13 at 10:50 AM.
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post #6 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-13-13, 01:30 PM
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How do you cook toilet paper?

By browning it and sticking it in the pot of course!

a skulltower is just one of those things.
and like all other things in life you have to respect it.
or it will f**k your s**t up

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Originally Posted by Lord of the Night View Post
I suppose it may be to do with Slaanesh's themes, after all horrific rape, incest and perversion among other things can be viewed as weird by others.

Personally I like Slaanesh, I find his followers interesting.
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Nurgle for life!
*makes vague attempt at gang sign sort of thing before giving up and going back to making more Nurgle stuff*
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post #7 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-13-13, 01:42 PM
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When God created Scotland, He looked down on it with great satisfaction. Finally he called the Archangel Gabriel to have a look.

'Just see," said God. "This is the best yet. Splendid mountains, beautiful scenery, brave men, fine women, nice cool weather. Magnificent Lochs full of fish, and moors and highlands full of wildlife. I've given them beautiful music, whisky and land that will produce fine crops. And the people there will be known throughout the world as great warriors, engineers, inventors and pioneers.

"Excellent," said Gabriel. "But haven't you perhaps been too kind to them? Won't they be spoiled by all these things? Should there not be some drawback?"

'Just wait till you see the neighbours," said God.



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Darkness

Give a man a match and he will be warm for a day.
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post #8 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-13-13, 06:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Romero's Own View Post
When God created Scotland, He looked down on it with great satisfaction. Finally he called the Archangel Gabriel to have a look.

'Just see," said God. "This is the best yet. Splendid mountains, beautiful scenery, brave men, fine women, nice cool weather. Magnificent Lochs full of fish, and moors and highlands full of wildlife. I've given them beautiful music, whisky and land that will produce fine crops. And the people there will be known throughout the world as great warriors, engineers, inventors and pioneers.

"Excellent," said Gabriel. "But haven't you perhaps been too kind to them? Won't they be spoiled by all these things? Should there not be some drawback?"

'Just wait till you see the neighbours," said God.
That just made my dad a very jolly chap

Q: When is it ok to slap a midget?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice...


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I think Tawa is a temporal entity that exists outside of the hobby/modeling timeline. Essentially, he's the Heresy Online equivalent of a Time Lord... which is kinda hilarious and frightening all at the same time.
"God-Emperor? Calling him a god was how all this mess started."
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post #9 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-15-14, 06:20 AM
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There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.

The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.

The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.

The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Tucker…" and the farmer shot him.
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post #10 of 35 (permalink) Old 02-15-14, 01:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scscofield View Post
By agreeing to these rules, you warrant that you will not post any messages that are obscene, vulgar, sexually-oriented, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violative of any laws.

Just a reminder.
But...but... but... if it's not obscene, vulgar, sexually-oriented, hateful, threatening, or otherwise violating laws, we aren't left with anything funny...

IN THE US? ASK ME HOW TO GET 10% OFF GAMES WORKSHOP PRODUCTS!

My homebrew Space Marine Chapter: The Astartes Lions Rampant

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