Last night, I received an abrupt text message from Shari. For those who don't know, Shari was my girlfriend of seven months up until now. She said to me that she feels she isn't as big a part of my life as she'd hoped to be. That we haven't moved forward and that she couldn't see a future for us.
I tried to call her, but she sent it straight to voicemail and replied with another text that she didn't want to talk for emotional reasons. She wouldn't let me see her. And no matter how much I tried to reason with her, assure her that she meant the world to me, she eventually just stopped replying to my texts.
I didn't speak a single lie. Those seven months were the best time of my life after eighteen years of spiraling in and out of depression and rage. I finally felt real love, and thought I was loved in return. I had stability, a reason to get up and look forward to each new day, to look forward to each chance to see her again. But it wasn't enough. She decided I wasn't right for her and didn't want to see me again.
The first text came a little before six pm. I was just about to go get dinner and then suddenly I didn't feel that I could stomach a thing. She was more to me than a girlfriend, she was more than just someone I hoped one day I could marry. In her I saw reflected my own humanity. Since Primary school, all through High school and even when I started working, I was downtrodden by others. I was the victim of bullies, false friends and asshole supervisors. I felt absolutely worthless and my first attempt at a relationship failed after two and a half months when I was nineteen. I was convinced that I wasn't worth loving and as a result my mind became numb.
Shari had me convinced that I could be like other people. That I could be someone worth loving. And now I feel like I've lost it all and fallen back into the same spiral that has consumed most of my life.
Why must women wait so long, until it's too late to tell us what we're doing wrong in their eyes?
I'd wager 90% of ended relationships would still be going if women could just say what they're thinking.
Sorry to hear that man. I went through similar not long ago, and the girl I met with since has only recently fucked off in a similar way, but ours didn't last as long as yours.
Within a short time, you can know what feels right, but at the same time, it is entirely possible for one person to feel one thing and another to just go along with what's comfortable. I'm really sorry to hear that it's happened to you, but all I can say is that despite what you're feeling right now, it is for the better.
I'll be hear to talk mate, but honestly the best advice I can give you is don't give up hope of finding someone. And while it's a pithy thing to say over the internet, don't get yourself depressed. While we have no control over it, I'm not that much of a moron to believe that bunch of twaddle that people say, we can help stave it off. If your work can let you do it (explain to a manager or someone you trust in there and let them know your situation, and say you need to blow off steam for 10-20 minutes or so), and just take a quick break. Try hitting the gym. Put your efforts into lifting heavier, or running faster.
And think angry. Some people say "lets still be friends" but that's like digging up your pet rabbit after next doors doberman mauled it. It's not pretty, and eventually leads to falling out where you or they think that they can still say what they want as if they were still in a relationship. Cut clean and make a break from her. Try and cut down on potentially seeing her, don't go to the same bars you used to go in together in the hope of seeing her (because she won't be there) and don't go places you think she might be in an attempt to speak and catch up.
Don't fall into the "lets be friends", lets make up stuff. Get angry that they've taken away what was working and perfectly happy. As you said, it's her who made the choice, down to a flip switch moment. Someone who while made you happy for a while has taken those memories and got rid of them from her life because she wasn't happy, essentially wasting everyones time. While I'm not saying get rid of the memories, appreciate them for what they are, memories, and use that anger (for want of a better word, I don't mean "hulk smash" angry, just "fuck off" angry) to focus yourself on not hurting yourself with depression and stress and whatever else that can come from a break up.
She's done what she's done in the shittiest way possible and doesn't even have the balls to tell you to your face. While you may have been happy together for a while, the split has happened. Papering over the cracks that this will cause if you do eventually get back together is only going to cause it to cause problems later on in life. And none of us want that, when there may be more responsibilities, with Kids, Mortgages, and a retirement to care about. I wish you all the best mate, and if you need some help with getting over the Stress or Dpression. I'm not even saying it's a Sex Panther remedy (60% of the time...) but that it is what worked for me.
I wish you all the best mate, and in that condescending way that everyone says it in, it gets easier dealing with the fallout, but it still kicks like a mule when it happens. Nothing we can do makes that easier and if it does? Well, thats when it's a sorry state of affairs, and it hurting like it does makes you the better person.
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