My engagements called off. I don't really know why I'm on here, talking about it, but I guess I feel kind of comfortable talking it on here. Kinda shaky about it all still.
Feeling a bit shit, I'm finally back properly on the mend after a car accident you may remember me having. Despite having to put off plans to go to Australia, and shelve them, Rachael and I were finally on track to making a move back out, reapplying for our work visas to go out later this year.
It turns out that the stresses that imparted caused more hidden tension, and when Rachael asked about the work position she would have had prior to my accident her new boss (who doesn't know me, unlike her last one) said that it was not possible for her to go, and if she did so, it would be without a reference of any worth due to her leaving in the middle of a couple of big contracts; that caused her to get upset, and she got a call at 5.30am last monday not to turn in for a fortnight and to take some "personal time, no questions asked, must be taken" - this is at the time that 2 of her projects will be finished that she's doing, and won't be available for the handover of materials; considering the nature of the clients, this is an incredibly shitty way of dealing with things (as it's also been start to finish).
The stress of that then caused an argument between me and her when I essentially pointed out that she's blaming me for all of this, which then came out with saying I have an obsession with fitness that's beyond healthy and that it was not only that which caused my injury, but prevented us from restarting our lives, but since, I've only gotten worse, and she "couldn't watch me struggle in agony to get to a level of fitness that is beyond me", and that I need a hobby outside of it.
This morning, when I got up, she had already gone out (I'm up at 5am, most days), which meant that she must have done it before we went to bed (having spent most of the day seperate after the row, she went to bed early) as I wake up to noises, and creaks like opening the gates of hell. I phoned three or four times, and sent text after text, and got nowhere other than to let me know that she was safe.
Tonight, we've just sat and talked it out, and we've (well, she has) come to the decision that we're to go our seperate ways. She's moving back with her family next week, then we're gonna look at selling up the house, however long that takes. I've got a friend who's going to take me in over in Lincoln for a few weeks, but... fuck.
I don't know why I'm saying it, just I needed to talk, and my nearest and dearest are on the other side of the country or actually out of country as they're training at the minute.
This is fucking shit. I probably say it after every time I split up with someone, but I genuinely thought I'd managed to find "the one".
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