Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Somewhere, doing something
I really want to try that, but my mum has a horrendous habit of pulling reverse-psychology, guilt-tripping bullshit that leaves me feeling horrible for days.
Although I've gotten to the point in my life where I have no more patience for bullshit of any form, whether it be depressed friends, relationship trouble or such.
I mean For the last 8-ish years I've been everyone's shoulder to cry on, and in many ways I still am, but I'm very quickly growing out of the 'save-everyone' mentality because all it's gotten me is more and more miserable. Imagine me as toilet paper--everyone uses me to be rid of their shit, and I just get...well, shittier.
Now if my mum could do that, it'd be fan-fucking-tastic. For the longest time, she's spent more of her time and money on other people's children than her own, often spending loads of time in stores looking for things so the children she looks after at the school she works at can have a better life for the twenty minutes of playtime a day they get.
I exploded at someone for the first time a month or so ago with one of my friends who just did not want to fucking listen to me, so I told her to piss off and dropped the subject. I've very quickly stopped supporting my mum and her relationship which I swear to all that is holy has devolved into a friggin' co-dependancy.
I've also learned in a short amount of time that, as a recent adult, I'm getting all the responsibility but none of the gain. Every time my mum--or anyone in my house really--needs something done, I get the whole "you're an adult, learn to be responsible" spiel, but I get bitched at if I want to stay out later than 9pm...on a weekend...when I don't have a job....or school.
Never mind my useless sister, who failed the overwhelming majority of her 8th grade classes and got put in the classes below college level (read: no chance for post-secondary education), and fights my mum every time summer school is discussed so she can at least try to graduate high school with more than a D- average. I can guarantee she won't get a job once she's 15; at least I've got a couple freelance writing jobs keeping me busy.
And last and certainly least is my relationship woes, or rather lack-of-relationship woes. Everyone I know and their goddamned brother is in a happy relationship and I'm just sitting here playing the psychologist and the third wheel.
Next week might be better, I've been invited to the World Pride parade by my friend and her girlfriend, who both love me to bits. But after that it's a long summer of doing buttfuck nothing.
Cripes I don't know where that came from, but it's good to get it off my chest. Old James would never have ranted like this.
New James is here, and he's not fucking happy. He's still funny, though.
I know there are people with far greater issues than mine, but it's all the little things at once that really get to me.