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post #141 of 154 (permalink) Old 08-21-12, 12:38 PM
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I was raised as an only child. This really annoyed my brother.

Originally Posted by neferhet View Post
Fur is for the weak!

Last edited by Gret79; 08-21-12 at 12:45 PM.
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post #142 of 154 (permalink) Old 08-21-12, 03:06 PM
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A married couple decides to spice up their sex life. The wife reads about some roleplaying scenarios that are supposed to simulate the excitement of sex with strangers, and suggests them to her husband.
She tells him, "Honey, I am going to go to the bar across town dressed up kind of slutty, and you come in a little while later, and pretend you dont know me at all."

So she gets all dressed up and goes to the bar and flirts with a few men. A while later her husband comes in and sits down at the other end of the bar. He orders a drink and starts hitting on a young blonde.

After about twenty minutes of being ignored, the wife storms over and asks him what he thinks he is doing?

You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with till you understand who's in rutting command here! -Jayne
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post #143 of 154 (permalink) Old 08-21-12, 04:14 PM
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A married couple go to a doctor to get some pills to make their sex life more interesting. The doctor perscribes the pills and one morning the husband takes a pill right before breakfast.

Suddenly overcome with sexual urges, he grabs his wife from across the table, pulls her onto the table, rips her clothes off and they have the best sex of their life.

The next day the couple goes into the doctor's office to tell him how the pill worked.

"It was amazing," said the wife. "I've never had better sex in my life!"

The doctor asks, "so why did you shcedule an appointment if everything went well?"

The husband says, "they won't let us back in the McDonalds"

Necrons W3 T0 L1

Death Korps W1 T0 L1

Dark Elves W0 T0 L0
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post #144 of 154 (permalink) Old 08-24-12, 12:35 PM
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A: Knock, knock!
B: Who's there?
A: The Interrupting Cow.
B: The Interrupt--

"Three blind mice walk into a bar. They are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from their predicament would be exploitative."- Bill Bailey

Originally Posted by neferhet View Post
Fur is for the weak!
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post #145 of 154 (permalink) Old 08-24-12, 01:34 PM
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Five Chinese, Chu, Bu, Fu, Hu and Su decided to immigrate to the US.
In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their names to American
Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck, Hu became Huck. Fu and Su decided to stay in China.

Wenn ist das Nunnstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

I'm not sure what is funnier - that joke above or German response:

There were zwei peanuts, walking down the straße, und one was 'assaulted'... peanut

Originally Posted by Azkaellon View Post
Boobs, That is all.
Victories - 0
Draws - 0
Failures - 4

Last edited by Tensiu; 08-24-12 at 01:40 PM.
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post #146 of 154 (permalink) Old 08-25-12, 12:41 AM
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where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Someday someone will say something about me witty or memorable enough to put here til then enjoy this;

Rule 66: the cake is a lie
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post #147 of 154 (permalink) Old 08-25-12, 04:23 AM
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A guy and a girl were going out for a while and suddenly she stops calling. He figures he said something to piss her off and she'll call soon. A day turns into a week, turns into a month and he decides to call her. When he asked what happened she replied "word on the street is you're a pedophile". The man is shocked! He takes a moment to compose himself and replies....... "that's a pretty big word for a 10 year old".

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post #148 of 154 (permalink) Old 08-26-12, 08:30 PM
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I know for a fact that I can't be gay.

I sucked 13 dicks last week and didn't like a single one of them.

Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories Challenge 13-06: "Serenity" has started, get your stories in by July 11th!

Originally Posted by spanner94ezekiel View Post
3. Nothing Boc said should ever be taken seriously. Unless he's talking about being behind you. Then you run like fuck.
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post #149 of 154 (permalink) Old 08-26-12, 10:05 PM
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What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association

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post #150 of 154 (permalink) Old 10-25-12, 03:39 AM
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Whats got three teeth and a hundred legs?
The local Methadone queue.

"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."

"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

Visit my Tower Terrain Plog here.
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