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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-07-11, 01:25 PM Thread Starter
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Default Rather a bad time

Wotcha, fellow Heretics.
I'm somewhat unsure as to whether I should post this, but I'm feeling quite isolated at the moment and, well, I'm not sure.
My marriage has just ended. Not surprised because of recent events, and this is the culmination of many years of bullshit and heartache caused by my back injury and the Australian Immigration Dept.
I'm sympathetic to my ex-Wife's reasons; hells, I thought she was a hero for sticking it this long. But her leaving me also entails me having to leave the place in Aus that I love and going back to live with my Parents. I love them to death, but I'm 34-fucking years old, 35 by the time I get back home, and this is just what I didn't want. I'll be stuck in Stoke-on-Trent, disabled, no job, in the middle of a recession and alone. Living with my folks until I can get a Council House. Everything I always wanted is being taken from me in one fell swoop. At least I get to keep the dog.
My family hate my soon-to-be ex-Wife (she never made any effort with my family), but their attitude to her and how I should treat her as regards to splitting-up finances, really isn't helping. I'm trying to keep it together and make living together and organising leaving as easy as possible, and mollifying my family is just something I don't need.
I don't know if it's beer or narcissism that's telling me to post this, as I'm aware that everyone has problems- I'm nothing special in this regard. I just want it to be done and finished. I don't want to have to try to feel anything any more. I haven't been able to feel anything for years, so deep has the shit piled against me, but even this has a feeling of wrongness. I hate it. I hate me. I hate that if I should, or could, have done something to make it all better then I don't know what it was.
I'm sorry for wasting your time like this. I think I just needed to vent a little. I feel very alone, even though people do care for me.
We'd have been married 6 years on 12/12.

Steve
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-07-11, 01:33 PM
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If you need someone to talk with, I have been through the big D myself and am also disabled and having an issue with the job search. If you need a sympathetic year or a bitching partner just let me know.

Where are you moving back too? What country?
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-07-11, 01:39 PM
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You are not wasting anyone's time.

By expressing your feelings you are helping yourself put them in a better perspective and starting to move into the future.

You are also giving people who value your existence but do not actually live near enough to see that you are troubled the opportunity to express their hope that you will start to see an improvement soon.

I do not know if you have a lawyer dealing with the divorce for you: if you do then I suggest telling them all this as most family lawyers (certainly in the UK) are experienced in helping people get through the process and will be able to do it quicker if they know what you want out of it; if you don't I suggest getting one as they will be probably be able to make things go more smoothly than if you try it alone.

Another advantage of getting a lawyer is that you can tell anyone who tries to hassle you about what you should or should not do that you are following your lawyer's advice.

I hope this helps.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-07-11, 01:41 PM Thread Starter
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Going from Melbourne, Australia, back to the UK. I live with chronic pain and I don't even know if I'll be able to get the only painkillers that actually help me; Drs can be very scared of narcotics (not that I blame them entirely, but when the medical and prescription history makes it blindingly obvious that I'm not in it for the chemicals but for the pain relief, how's about helping me stay pain-ish free rather than get the vapours over the remote possibility that I'm a secret and very restrained druggie?)

Steve (I've said too much!!) I mean
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Cheers, Dave. So far it's amicable, and the seperation isn't going to 'officially' happen till we get back to the UK; various legal reasons that would make living under the same roof difficul otherwiset. The big wrinkle is that we got married here in Oz, divorce will be happening from the UK. Even the word 'Fuck' doesn't really help, and that's the wsord that does all of my verbal heavy lifting. But still; fffuuuuccckkk

Last edited by Giant Fossil Penguin; 12-07-11 at 01:48 PM.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-07-11, 02:44 PM
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Mate its always good to get shit off your chest, better out than in and speaking of shit it sounds like you just took a bite of one big shit sandwich, I cant imagine what your situation is like and I wont pretend, all I can say is stoke not so bad,I was based near there (tern hill) there is a decent gaming community to help keep your mind off things and life will get better just focus on what you have and not what you have not. Things WILL be tough but you WILL get through it, if you need to vent you have the perfect place, best of luck and drop a line to let us know how you get on ok!
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-07-11, 03:35 PM
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Like the others have said, it's always better out than in. Like having a belly ache, a good clearout gets rid of it.

Ask your family for support, but ask them not to have a go at you. You're tender at the moment and you need strength, not advice or people saying 'told you so'.
If somebody does say 'I told you so' (etc), just explain that it doesn't help. Easier said than done but when you do, they'll understand. They're family.

Like Djinn said, I too have been through the big split, mine was 5 years ago and I still think about it, what I could have done to fix it etc etc etc.
One thing I have learned, what happened, happened and there's nothing that can be done now. So I moved on, changed my life for me and nobody else. At one point, near the very start, I was suicidal and never did it (obviously, I'm writing this lol!), I ended up nearly dependent on alcohol too, and all I can say, is that that I'm damn glad I stood strong and stopped those thoughts, stopped the alcohol abuse and decided that I was going to win. No matter how hard it was inside.

I can't stress enough that you shouldn't hate yourself either.
You're in a situation now that needs sorting and by the sound of it, you're doing just that, so well done. A bit of upheaval at the start always opens new doors to better opportunities.

Ok, moving back to Blighty isn't exactly what you want but it's a start toward a new and better life for yourself. Ok, you'll beat yourself up, anyone and everyone in your position would and does, but be mindful of what I said before: What happened, happened, there's nothing that can be done about it, it's time to start winning, inside and outside and make your life better for you.

Can't really put my finger on what I'm trying to say, but hopefully my point is valid lol! Hope I've helped. Keep in touch.

Doug.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-07-11, 04:07 PM
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On the bright side you'll be within a stones throw of me...not helping? Sorry.

Sorry to hear that mate, I wouldn't wish moving to Stoke on anyone
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-07-11, 04:19 PM
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Sorry to hear about your situation dude, I'd also like to extend my offer of a shoulder/fellow bitching partner. Plus Stoke/Leeds not to far for a match

"Cleanse with Blood and with Flame"



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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-09-11, 09:22 AM
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Keep it for the vent forum bro.


I never retreat....I just advance in the opposite direction.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-10-11, 08:48 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the understanding, there, Darklord.
To the other Heretics who have been so sympathetic and have listened to me bitch, many many thanks. The idea that I might get to meet some of you in the flesh, that I won't be totally alone once I get a place of my own, makes the prospect of going home a bit less fearful. As soon as my stuff gets off the boat (it's going to take 3-4 months to ship my heavy stuff, it's just cheaper that way), I'll let you Heretics know and hopefully we can get some games in. I've got a sneaking theory that the Baron is one of the missing Primarchs, so I'll hopefully get to find out and let you all know if one of the Emperor's sons is amongst us!
Things are a bit calmer now, as if both of us having a direction and a goal that it is within our power to achieve, rather than being something that someone else may or may not grant to us, has lightened the mood. We're talking again, which has improved things no end, and something of the friendship we always had had come baclk. It's just odd suddenly not sharing the little intmate moments, a touch, a nickname, a kiss goodbye and goodnight; however, i think that the 3 weeks of non-communication have already put that distance between us, so it's not too much of a surprise that I don't feel as if I really miss those things.
My family still don't seem to get it. I know their hearts' are in the rightplace, but it feels as if they're smothering me, and most of the time I can't really talk freely because the ex-ish-Wife is here. Then my Sister keeps being hostile about the Wife-ish- I understand, but I've asked for them not to do this because it is totally pointless and doesn't help me at all. I'm a bit scattered with my emotions and don't need my family basically saying 'I told you so'. Doubtless it will end up with an argument, doubtless I'll be considered wrong or 'weak'. In every situation in my life were I've thought one way and my family the opposite, I've been right. Yet still, here we are with them not trusting me.
Sod's law decrees that I've also just met a girl who I think might be into me; all fat, hairy, ugly me. Sounds like a good cook as well. Hey Ho.
Anyway, an early Merry Christmas (or whichever tradition you do or don't follow) from me!

GFP
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