|Topic Review (Newest First)|
|02-28-11 11:30 AM|
|arturslv||Well, I am really happy you guys like them. And Adrian, you really put a lot of tiny detail in yer work, but me... meh. Anyways, stay tuned, people.|
|02-26-11 02:46 PM|
Well, what can I say about this...
The story was well written and I can not wait for more. There are some small spelling issues and grammer issues.
Sometimes I was not sure which person was speaking to who, but common sense prevailed and I was able to figure it out. might want to make the conversations clear as to who is speaking to whom.
Break it up more so it does not look like a giant parigraph. When I first started on this site I did not even know how to change the color of the words from black and submitted the stories with black words on black back ground.
than finally when I figured that out I delivered two 8,000 word stories that were poorly written, in a block form with absolutly no breaks at all. they were easily the worst threads possible. I was docked 15 rep points and the work I had been so exited about was called spam.
I have learned alot since and am still learning.
Your works are getting better and better...you've got tallent and I can't wait to see more.
The Emperor Protects, Brother.
|02-17-11 06:27 PM|
|C'Tan Chimera||Very cool. I'm usually not one for the more demon type stories, but this was something else. It's nice to see a story where the Emperor actually does stuff rather then simply being the most abused word in Imperium vocabulary.|
|02-17-11 08:22 AM|
|arturslv||Well, I am writing Nowhere to Hide and Rise and Fall. Those two focus mainly on Ventory and Lukas. Love can bloom tells how Lukas met Angela, mother of Ventory. But a third one? I'm milling over the possibility. But enough of that. How was this story?|
|02-17-11 04:47 AM|
|dragonkingofthestars||I assume, and hope you have a Emperor protects III, and if so, do you plan to do more then write short storys with these charicters you have created?|
|02-16-11 04:26 PM|
The Emperor Protects II
The huge axe narrowly missed Ventory as he ducked to left. The massive Bloodthirster, An'ggrath the Unbound himself snarled and tried to pry his weapon from the cathedral's floor. The young Malbredan raised his lasgun to bear and fired shot after shot at the huge daemon, only enraging him. He sprinted over to the massive doors, but they were blocked by several heavy beams that had fallen from the ceiling. Hope left him and despair filled him. An'ggrath had slain more than a third of his regiment, the 712th Malbredan 'Marauders'. In desperation, he screamed at the top of his lungs and charged at the Bloodthirster.
Outside the cathedral, thousands of Guardsmen sat inside dozens of Chimeras and Leman Russ tanks, waiting for their Baneblade squadron to arrive. In the distance walked the pride of Marauders, the Warlord titan 'Bane of Heretics'. 'Crackers', Malbredan-pattern Sentinels armed with Krak missiles, circled the cathedral, searching for any signs of the Bloodthirster. Occasionally, a window shattered as mighty roars shook the ground. Every single gun and barrel was pointing at the entrance door. They knew they could not stop its rampage, but they had to slow it down until the Grey Knights landed. Even now, hundreds of them descended unto the planet, protected inside the hulls of their blessed Thunderhawks, followed by several battallions of Inquisitorial Stormtroopers. Inquisition rarely ever sent a large number of their warriors, but An'ggrath would not return to Warp easily.
An'ggrath lobbed his axe at Ventory. He saw it and fell to the floor, but its pommel still caught him and sent him flying. The axe continued flying and smashed through the debris blocking the door. An'ggrath caught him mid-air and gave him a twisted parody of smile. Ventory pulled out his knife and stabbed the daemon in its hand. The blade snapped in two and An'ggrath threw him. He hit an old wooden pillar. Even though centuries it had endured had made it brittle, the impact still drove the breath out if his lungs. He tumbled over and over until he crashed into another one. This one was recently repaired. He heard his ribs crack and saw An'ggrath slowly walk towards him. Everything was blurry.
General Jacobi North groaned when he saw the text on his dataslate. He had just ran a roster to account his troops. Of all that had survived, only one was missing. One of the new recruits, Vogatyn V., was absent. Upon checking the IR tag, he discovered that the boy was trapped in the same place as the Bloodthirster. He rubbed his face. He always hated that he couldn't extract his men. Every single trooper in 712th knew that General would give his life to rescue even a single one of his soldiers, and they would gladly sacrifice themselves for his safety. And they respected him for that. He took a glance at the regimental banner. The winged star fluttered proudly in the middle, surrounded by emblems of the other four regiments. The three-headed wolf of 381st 'Traiblazers', the plain black skull of 905th 'Shades', the crossed lasguns of 464th 'Daemonslayers', and the bloody fist of 29th 'Bruisers'. 'The Malbredan Thunder', they were called. Five regiments that had seen lotta action. Their expertise and battle experience made them respected throughout the Imperium. The Warlord was a gift from Adeptus Mechanicus for saving a forge world from Orks. A sizeable cohort of Techpriests accompanied it, who helped to keep the rest of the Malbredan vehicles in line.
A message appeared on his dataslate, telling that the Grey Knights were only seconds away. He lifted his eyes and saw their dull grey Thunderhawks descend in front. The cargo doors opened, and hundreds of Inquisition's warriors poured out. The largest one, a massive brute of a man, greeted Jacobi "I am Captain Theoveld of the Grey Knights. How can we help?" His voice was surprisingly quiet, considering his size. Jacobi opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, then got himself together "We have a bastard daemon on our hands. It's An'ggrath himself." At this, several Stormtroopers swallowed visibly. Theoveld showed no emotions "It is still a daemon, and as such, it is vulnerable to our weaponry. We shall lure it outside. Cover us and be ready to fire upon it." With that, he turned around and led his soldiers towards the cathedral. The air crackled as they activated their Nemesis halberds. 'Marauders' kept inching behind them, ready to fire on anything that would attack them.
Ventory got on his knees groggily. His body was aching everywhere. Desperately searching for a weapon, he stumbled across a plasma gun. He picked it up and sent ball after ball of plasma at An'ggrath. The projectiles splashed against the massive daemon. The plasma gun hissed and shut down. In anger, he threw it away. An'ggrath snarled derisively and raised his fist to crush the small man standing before him.
Theoveld froze as his mind was visited by a visage of Emperor himself. He put his hand on his shoulder and spoke "Leave him be. He can banish him. Have faith in me, for I will protect him." With that, the visage vanished and he heard Jacobi rant "The hell are you waiting for? Just go and kill that goddamn Warp spawn!" As if in a dream, he responded softly "An'ggrath is not ours to slay. I dare not to disobey Emperor's will." Jacobi looked to his psyker aide, and saw her nodding. She had seen the vision too. He swallowed something that felt like an oversized grenade "Very well. But I need you to stay close. Who knows what'll happen."
Ventory felt something happen. Everything slowed down. An'ggrath's huge fist stopped mid-air. His own ragged breath went silent. He could only watch as Emperor walked through the Bloodthirster. Smiling, he handed Ventory a chainsword "You know what you have to do" and vanished. The time went back to normal and An'ggrath suddenly recoiled and collapsed to his knees. Ventory felt himself filled with fury and devotion and a massive pillar of light shot from him, up in the sky, tearing a big chunk out of the roof. His chainsword lit up in flames and he leaped towards An'ggrath.
Outside, the thousands of soldiers heard the tormented roars of An'ggrath, but they couldn't see anything. Even Crackers weren't able to shed some light on what happened inside, for the windows had been covered in blood. One by one, the 'Marauders' started chanting 'slay him! slay him!' Within seconds, every single Guardsman was chanting, nearly drowning out An'ggrath's agonised roars.
The ground cracked beneath the Bloodthirster, and pieces of stone fell away in the newly formed portal. An'ggrath roared in dismay - his time had ended. Hundreds of bloody, cadaverous corpses crawled out and clung to him, intent on returning him to Warp. An'ggrath screeched, shaking many off, yet more came and dragged him along. He flapped his wings, smashed his long dead victims to pulp, but thousands more came and dragged him into the yawning hole. An'ggrath teetered on the edge, but was pulled inside by the sheer weight of the dead clinging to him. With a crack, the portal was closed. Wearily, Ventory let the chainsword clatter on the floor. He slowly walked to the doors and pushed them open. He'd done it. He'd slain the mightiest daemon in the Immaterium.
Thousands of guns were aimed at the bloodied and exhausted Guardsman as the wrecked door swung open. For a second, there was an utter and complete silence. Then the crazed cheering hit him. Every single soldier, including the Grey Knights, were going nuts, for lack of a better word. A swarm of medics surounded him, checking him for taint, vital signs, plugged him up to a stimm-injector, to renew his lost strength. General Jacobi and Captain Theoveld shook hands and discussed loudly. Happily, Ventory passed out and did not wake up for nine days. The loss of An'ggrath was an immeasurable blow to the Chaos forces. As a result, the system Malbredan Thunder was fighting for was easily retaken with minimal casualties.
A single Thunderhawk looped around an asteroid and headed for the awaiting battle barge. It was heavily dented and scratched, but otherwise fit for duty. The Thunderhawk landed in one of the hangars and the door closed behind it. Valves hissed, releasing breathable air inside. Thunderhawk's front hatch hissed and popped open, releasing a small squad of grey-armoured Marines. They moved quickly towards their company Captain, who was waiting impatiently "Well? What have you got to report?" Their sergeant stepped forward "He left with the rest of his regiment. He is out of our reach now. We got hold of his personal file, though." He took the scruffy folder and left to his personal quarters. He sat down at his table and opened it. In the drawer lay an old photo, showing a grizzled Guardsman. His left pauldron displayed a 381. Sighing, the Captain thought silently. He'd almost found the boy. Almost. Years would pass before they would cross paths. He took a look at the newly delivered picture. A group of young-faced recruits were smiling at him. All of them bore the same colours and the same 712 on their shoulders. A red circle was drawn around one of them.
On the distant Terra, an emergency meeting was taking place in Sanctum Imperialis. All twelve High Lords were present. Though old and cadaverous, they heatedly argued with each other. Lord Commander Militant Victor Pallatis brought his heavy hammer down on the table "SHUT UP!" Unwillingly, others quieted down. "There is something going on in our Imperium" spoke up the always quiet Grand Master of Assassinorum "First that Sororita, now this? How can a single Guardsman slay the mightiest daemon Imperium has ever known?" He scowled and glanced at the two holgraphic displays hanging above the large table. A youthful Celestian was burning an ork Nob, the other one displayed a brazen Guardsman sitting on a tank. Suddenly, everyone heard Abbess Kalea speak up "The answer is very simple. The Emperor protects. He always will."