|Topic Review (Newest First)|
|07-09-08 01:44 AM|
|Lord Reevan||I like it. Especially the twist. Maybe a bit of detail on vostral's thoughts when he saw the vamp migt make it really deep then.|
|07-06-08 05:11 PM|
|Ancient Tiel' a fier||A nice little story just watch your spellings.|
|07-06-08 12:41 PM|
|05-18-08 03:22 AM|
"Keep Quiet Carl!" whispered Nelson "I dont think we want to get caught in the Counts cellar, do we?"
"no Master" sighed Carl, it had been three months since the incident in the castle now he was an Apprentice vampire, when he asked why he was not made a full vampire Nelson had told him not to be stupid, he knew that he would kill him and Carl would run off.
Still wearing the Greatswords uniform he had been transformed and trained in he looked down at his uniform in disgust, why did he betray his men , the empire and all it stood for, three months ago he had sold his soul and gained... it was best not to think about it. They were currently crawling in the Count of Stirland's cellar looking for a suitable feeding victim, although the cloak of shadows that enveloped him and his master, it did not block sound, so a half keen guard could detect the careless footsteps of the apprentice.
"Stop!" Nelson breathed urgency dripping from his voice, as a young tanner walked past the alcove in which they were sheltering, Carl could feel the bloodlust rising from his stomach, spreading to his arms and to his fingertips.
"Yes...". whispered Carl unable to say anything else for it had been nearly 3 weeks since they had last fed, and his every move seemed to pain him.
"Now!" shouted Nelson and he leapt onto the tanner winding him so he could manage to whisper, fear and panic flooded the mans eyes small tears welled
in the corners of his eyes, He strugged to no avail "what are you?" he gasped
"we" said Nelson camly "are your freedom", Nelson leaned in very close to his face "ITS OVER!!!" he roared and tore the mans throat out then glanced over his shoulder and sent his ether round the corner the nearest guard was over 20 minutes away plenty of time. "Dig in brother" said Nelson as he supped the red syrup that freely flowed from the mans throat, Carl leaned forward, disgusted at what he had become.
Ancient Tiel' a fier - edit - just a few spellings an jumbled words
|03-31-08 11:54 AM|
|striking scorpion||Great work it is awesome can't wait for some more|
|02-20-08 07:26 PM|
|bob3472||could use a bit of tweaking but like wade says a solid start. Bravo.|
|02-02-08 11:37 PM|
|Wade||Looks like a solid start.. can't wait to read more|
|02-02-08 11:07 AM|
|Huron_Blackheart||this is my prolouge to a book i may be writing|
|02-02-08 03:21 AM|
|Wade||Nice story, wouldn't mind hearing a bit more about how the greatswords arrived n this situation.. Keep up the good work mate|
|02-01-08 11:36 PM|
|Huron_Blackheart||thanks mate any thoughts/ critisisms|
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