|Topic Review (Newest First)|
|12-12-10 12:51 PM|
|Professor Pumpkin||Hehe, I was going to start with a Day 0 explaining who he was, but I couldn't think of how to portray that, but your sort of formal way to explain it is pretty good.|
|12-12-10 12:49 PM|
|Ultra111||Day 15 is a bit late for me to know who is writing though lol. Remember this isn't a normal diary; it's a story in the form of a diary.|
|12-12-10 12:44 PM|
|Professor Pumpkin||It does tell you who is writing the diary in Day 15 "Say hello to Corporal Robert", but I understand your comments on the description of the planet. It's probably because this guy's kind of informal, but as he gets into the more interesting areas, I'll add more detail. What he's seen so far IS little more than trees and some lakes, bar the villages. But I will add your idea to the start. And I've never wrote in first person before, so it's a little harder for me to jump in with a project like this.|
|12-12-10 12:38 PM|
It's coming along nicely mate.
I would stop adding extra days for a while, and explain your feelings a bit more. For instance, what was so exciting about day 10's fighting? Expand on the battle a bit more, use descriptive words to explain the scene.
I have no idea what the planet looks like bar a few tree's and lakes, or who the person writing the diary is. You should start the whole thing off with something like...
+++ Private Joseph Martins +++
+++ Trooper Task Force 141 +++
+++ 42nd Cadian Regiment +++
Data log: Planet Scelus; death world
Mission objective: Recon the area; eliminate any resistance.
See what I mean? Gives the story more character and I now know more about the person writing the diary.
Keep up the good work though
|12-12-10 02:10 AM|
|Professor Pumpkin||Updated with Days 11-20 seeing as I not got much to do!|
|12-11-10 10:54 PM|
The Diary of a Guardsmen (Continuous Project)
(This will be updated as much as possible, and I'll be adding to it regularly.)
Name: Robert McKall
Rank upon landing: Private
Mission: Secure Scelus, and search the surrounding area for any resistance
Day 1: We landed on the planet of Scelus today, and it's a god-forsaken place. Little more than some trees and a few lakes, I'm not too sure on why we were sent here. We've already had a casualty, luckily not in my squad, but let's say it wasn't a pretty death. There was a booby trap set up deep in an area rife with trees, pretty much what it was was a candle holder or something, and when Ryan touched the candle holder, it tipped forward, burning his face and ultimately killing him in an incredibly painful death. Anyways, I'd better stop writing, need to get some rest.
Day 2: We gave Ryan a little funeral, burying him into the ground and marking a stick of wood with his name on. Today was pretty uneventful, much the same as yesterday was, bar the fact that we did discover something. A strange village of some sorts that had buildings made of wood and mud and that kind of stuff. It was deserted, but I didn't know that after the Sons of Malice left that their were any inhabitants. Perhaps some had stayed behind and built a civilization of sorts? I'll hopefully find out sometime soon
Day 3: Morale is getting low already, probably with the lack of action we've been getting. Today we searched the area around the village a little bit more thoroughly, and did find some primitive weaponry, merely a rock thrower and a sharpened stick. The inhabitants must have tried to stay pretty native if you ask me, not that anyone actually cares about what I think anyways. It's really lonely out here, I wish something would happen at least.
Day 4: Today we pretty much hit the jackpot. We discovered a larger village, but with more advanced buildings and such. It was built out of stone, with a sort of sealing stuff to keep it together. According to the Sarge, there's a good chance that the villages will get more advanced as we progress, and that we should encounter some people soon enough. But it seems that with every discovery we make, something bad happens. Today we lost Corporal Sullivan in a freak accident. What happened was that he was hanging back and inspecting some rocks or something, when we triggered a booby trap. A hut tipped over on him, and crushed him in seconds. We couldn't get his body out, so he won't be getting a funeral.
Day 5: Uneventful, no deaths or anything. I guess that we have to wait a while before we can discover more shit. There was a bit of a scuffle today between Robert and James, but the Sarge broke it up before anyone got seriously injured. I think things are starting to heat up in camp, and it looks like we might not get out of here with many soldiers remaining.
Day 6: God I'm so hungry. There's absolutely no food on this planet, and the rations we had brought are running out already. Apparently command thought we'd be out in five days, so they didn't send us with much food. Robert and James have calmed down, and are talking to each other civilly again, but yesterday showed what we all want. A slice of action. Anyways, onto what happened today. We took a good look inside both the villages and found some drawings of what looks like a huge man. We couldn't make out the writing but next to the drawings was some food. Steve couldn't wait to eat, and he munched it down in seconds. I don't know if the food was poisonous or if it had just gone off, but he's in a pretty bad way. I hope he makes it through though.
Day 7: Steve died in the morning. We got told by the the medic that he died a horrible death, and that he was coughing up blood for hours. I feel sorry for the poor guy, he'd done nothing wrong. It's always the good guys that die isn't it? We held a funeral for him, and buried him right next to Ryan. Two down, forty eight to go it seems. With all the bother of giving him a funeral we didn't really go anywhere today, but we did manage to find some food! Our medic gave it a quick scan and thought it would be OK for human consumption, and lucky for us it was! I'm going to sleep on a full stomach tonight!
Day 8: We finally got a signal into base command, and when we told them about the situations and that we needed rations, they agreed to send them in, so we should be OK food wise. Today we discovered an old fighting ring, probably used for when the Sons of Malice were recruiting. As I surveyed the ring, I pictured in my head the battles that the initiates would have faced in the ring. It was pretty cool, there was a huge brawl at the end and after the winner was left standing my imagination ended. I'm hoping that the rations will be here tommorow, because the fruit is running low.
Day 9: So hungry. But not as hungry as some of the guys are. One of us died of starvation today, poor bloke. I don't know who he was, because I can't find his grave in our "graveyard". We took another look and discovered another village, but it was pretty late so we headed back to camp.
Day 10: We got action! We went to check out that village we found yesterday, and there were people there! The sarge opened fire on 'em, and although it seemed a bit cruel to kill such primitive beings, I have to say it was cool to get some action in. Rations haven't arrived yet, but we did manage to find some more fruit, so none of us should starve to death. Oh, I almost forgot to mention, I found out that it Corporal Ed who died of starvation. He was a skinny guy anyways, hardly any muscle on him, but I still can't find his grave. Not too sure why though, might have to do a bit of investigating. I want to get some more action in, so hopefully tommorow will bring lots!
Day 11: I found out why Ed can't be found. Sarge told me that an animal snuck in during the night and ate him. But when I asked him how he knew this, he just told me to stop asking questions and to get to work. I'm not totally convinced on what Sarge said, but I don't suppose it's any of my business really. Rations still haven't arrived, and I fear more may go down Ed's path. We found a young boy wandering the wilderness today, and he was clearly starving. No-one knew what to do, so I offered him some fruit, but he growled at me and jumped up. In panic, I shot the young boy clean through the head. I feel guilty, but I knew the rest of the guys would have done the same.
Day 12: More are dying of starvation, we've been reduced to only thirty-five men strong. With all the burying to be done, none of us went out on a patrol, but we did go and grab some fruit, so at least we could eat for the night. It feels like command are telling us to fuck ourselves by not sending the rations sooner. I mean, we requested them on Day 6 for christ's sake. I don't know how much longer we can last on this planet, but I want to go home soon!
Day 13: Fuck this. Rations still haven't come, and we couldn't find any fruit for tonight, so we all go to bed hungry. Luckily no casualties for today, so we did have one positive note to the day. We were too hungry to go on patrol, and Sarge was ill, so I dunno what's going to happen to us.
Day 14: Sarge is dead. It came as a shock to all of us, to see a brave soldier die of something as pathetic as starvation. He would have been saddened not to die a hero's death, but to all of us he was a hero. Corporal Charlie got promoted to Sarge by us today, meaning there is a spot for becoming a corporal up for grabs. I think I'd be a pretty good corporal, but I don't mind whether I win or lose. We found some fruit today, so no-one was hungry. Also, more developments in the Ed mystery. I found some bones scattered around the Doc's medic table. They certainly looked human, but I'm not too sure about what's going on.
Day 15: Say hell to Corporal Robert! I'm now a corporal! I can't really believe that I was picked, but now I get to command some people, and get access to some pretty high-security files. A lot of pros really today, the rations finally arrived, so they should last us a good few days, and I have found out more about Ed! There's a rumour going round that Doc is a cannibal, so maybe he is the reason Ed wasn't buried? But Ed was skinny, and Ryan was pretty chunky so, I don't really know.
Day 16: Motherload of shit. Sarge is dead! We were on our patrol, when we came across a large golden statue. Sarge went to go inspect it, and what do you know, it fired a fucking arrow into him! So we need a new Sarge, but I don't think I'll beat Corporal Steve to the post. Feels good to have real food down our throats for the first time in ages, so I'm in a good mood!
Day 17: What do you know? Me and Steve are both now Sergeants, because with all the deaths of the current ones, they'd prefer to have two! This is a pretty cool promotion, but I got a feeling it'll be revoked when I get off the planet. I'll try and make the best of it while I can! We discovered jack-shit today, nothing but a village like the last, but using bricks and stuff. Maybe the villages are getting more high-tech the further we go in?
Day 18: It's true! Doc was a cannibal, he was caught snacking on a corpse earlier today by Steve, so we took the chance to put him down before he harms anyone else. We didn't go further into the forest today, as we were too busy trying to appoint a new medic. We chose Marcus for the post, because he's got the most advanced training in First Aid any of us have.
Day 19: Steve's going insane. I'm not sure whether it's the power he now has, or the realisation that he's stranded, but he's started talking gibberish and giving out crack-pot orders. It doesn't feel right to kill him, so we just chained him to the ground incase he does recover. I doubt it though.
Day 20: I don't know if it's getting infectious or something, but we're getting people becoming insane more and more! I asked Doc about it, and he said that it could be in something we ate. We've been eating that fruit and the rations, and the fruit's done nothing for the past 18 days, so I don't know what's going on. I don't think we should venture any further into the forest yet, lest we become outnumbered.