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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-25-11, 04:53 PM Thread Starter
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Default The Sons of Stan

-"To be a man in such times is to be alive in the darkest age imaginable. Forget the power of technology and science, for so much has been forgotten, never to be re-learned. Forget the promise of progress and understanding, for in the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. There is no peace amongst the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods.I'm telling you, man, this is a really shitty time to be alive!" -Primarch Stan Walkowski


In the distant past, the God-Emperor of Mankind created the Legions of Space Marines to serve as his warriors amongst the stars. Genetically engineered super-humans, each legion was amongst the greatest Human warriors to ever walk the stars. Alike in equipment and united in a belief of Mankind's inherent superiority, each legion nevertheless possessed unique traits and outlooks on life. These outlooks invariably represented different facets of Humanity itself; the nobility of the Ultramarines, the constant searching for higher knowledge of the Thousand Sons, the desire for perfection exhibited by the Emperor's Children. These traits were even more obvious in the Primarchs of the Legion, who came to almost totally embody the values espoused by their own gene-seed children.



Upon creating the Primarchs, however, the Emperor discovered that he had left one single Human trait unaccounted for; common sense.

This oversight had undoubtedly been caused by one of His multiple alcohol-induced benders (one of which lasted a full twenty-eight days, and ended only when concerned passers-by decided to call a space cab for the ten-foot tall man in the gutter) Realizing his mistake only after the other Primarchs had been whisked away by the dread forces of Chaos, the Emperor quickly set to work on creating a Primarch who would think clearly, not allow emotion to cloud his judgment, get along with other people and not start fights with them for no reason, and find WWE to be only mildly entertaining (unlike most of the other Primarchs, especially Leman Russ) On top of this, at the last minute Malcador the Sigilite suggested that the Emperor make sure that this Primarch would also not start an interstellar war that would cripple Humanity and doom it to ten thousand years of steady decay and misery simply because he had daddy issues. Though the Emperor at first saw no reason for this ("That is one of the most retarded things I've ever heard anyone say, ever") he finally relented after Malcador nagged at him enough.

And so, Stan Walkowski was born. He quickly proved to be an effecient warrior, the equal of many of his brothers, but possessing the one trait that they lacked; common sense. When his friends pissed him off, he would talk to them and figure out the problem (and typically have a big laugh) as opposed to throwing that friendship away and murdering them. He easily found solutions to problems that didn't involve violence; when the Emperor ordered him and his Sons to attack and destroy a rebelling colony on the planet Ypsilanti, Stan quickly deduced that their rebellion was quite simply due to a frustration over taxation laws that had nearly bankrupted the local economy. Using his knowledge of planetary government and macro-economics, Stan was able to devise a new tax code which was much easier for the locals to understand, as well as establishing several laws which ensured that the people were more ably represented in Imperial governance. Though the Emperor was furious, saying that he'd "wanted to see some shit blow the fuck up," Stan reminded him that it was his job to do this sort of thing, and for the Emperor to "stop being such a fuckwad, dad."


Before the Heresy began, it was Stan who tried in vain to stem the tide. He saw the doom of the galaxy approaching; not because he had the power of prophecy, but because any idiot with access to interstellar communication could figure out that all of the super-powerful war gods in the galaxy were heading towards some kind of confrontation. As Stan told in the Emperor (as recorded in the holy Book of No-Shit Sherlock), "You've got a bunch of stupid jocks in charge of your greatest warriors. They're running around the galaxy, traveling through the Warp and by the way, there are all-powerful gods out there that want to corrupt their immortal soul. Wouldn't a heads up be appropriate?" As usual, the Emperor told Stan that He had a divine plan, the likes of which no one, not even a Primarch, could fully understand. Also, he had always been a disappointment due to not trying out for the high school football team, and should stop being such a pussy.



Realizing that nothing he was doing could stop what was coming, Stan and his Sons left the Imperium, disappearing one night into their mighty battle barge (which Stan actually owned, and had bought with his own money, unlike the battle barges of the other Primarchs, which the Emperor had bought for them) In a rage, the Emperor ordered the others to never speak of Stan, until he either return in person to apologize, or re-Friend the Emperor on Facebook.
The Sons of Stan did what they could during the Heresy, trying to stop the tide of Chaos. When the dust finally settled, and the Imperium was set on the path it is still on today, Stan decided to do what he did best; use the holy wrath of common sense to protect the Imperium from its enemies. Stan is the only loyal Primarch to still be alive and operating with his legion.



------


EQUIPMENT:

The Sons of Stan, while no longer recognized or known as an official Space Marine chapter, are one of the few Chapters to use camoflauge. Their power armor changes color to reflect the environment around them, because even though power armor is powerfully protective, Stan believes that "like Mr. Miagi says, 'best block is to no be there, Daniel-san.'"

Also, the Sons of Stan are the only known chapter to use load-bearing gear (such as tactical ceramite vests) to carry their equipment; unlike the other Chapters, which have no visible means of carrying magazines, ammunition, grenades and medical kits into battle. The Sons of Stan also utilize bolters that have been heavily modified by adding a buttstock, so that the Marines can actually aim at their targets instead of just standing there and blazing away one-handed.


BATTLE PHILOSOPHY, TACTICS AND RELIGIOUS PREFERENCES TO FOLLOW.-


I'm actually going to attempt and create a 'Sons of Stan' army, IE a Space Marine army wearing LBEs with camo, bolters that have buttstocks, etc. Soon as I get started I'll post some pics over in the Hobby section.

"In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war, an eternity of slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods. I'm telling you man, this is a really shitty time to be alive." -Primarch Stan Wolkowski, Sons of Stan
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-25-11, 05:17 PM
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Funny stuff, I look forward to "The Sons of Stan" coming along. Stan (as far as i know) is could be the only primarch with a bit of decency! I'm guessing these guys do more than the usual space marine: "for the emperor!" and then dive head-first into an ork mob.

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Ok, doing good gentlemen.
(Except Karak, you are not really a gentleman, but more brutal.... a brutalman )
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-26-11, 12:23 AM
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common sense in the 41st millenium?

this may be a ne thing lol

i like it!
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-26-11, 02:54 AM
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Hahahaha....

HERESY!
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-26-11, 04:19 AM
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Common Sense in Warhammer?

Bah, it'll never catch on.


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The chaos gods abandoned Horus most likely because they saw the can of whoop ass coming their way and wanted out of the way so as not to get fucked up!
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-26-11, 05:55 PM Thread Starter
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RELIGIOUS PREFERENCE

Unlike the vast majority of Mankind, the Sons of Stan know exactly what happened during the Horus Heresy and the Great Crusade. This is primarily due to Stan's judicious use of a home video camera, an ancient relic that was evidently used improperly by thousands of remembrancers during the Crusade. A device which is capable of recording both what it sees and what people say, Stan always had a hunch that it would be of limitless value for future generations, saying famously to his father, "We found out that J.R.R Tolkien was, in fact, right all along about orcs. Except they're in space. This showcases my earlier point that literally anything could happen out here at any time. In the very likely event that someone tries to off you and you end up on life support for ten millenia, I'm going to record all the crazy shit you say and do for posterity's sake."

This led to the greatest photo-journalism project in Humanity's history. Stan recorded everything, from the Emperor's mighty triumph at Ullanor, to his ill-advised attempt at creating a Space Marine-esque legion of super whores ('The Emperor's Hoes'). The Purging of Brakis IX, the Council of Nikea, the aptly named Crusade of Crusading Crusaders; all of these and more Stan recorded, often utilizing a sweet helmet cam that easily clipped onto the side of his crazy Primarch deathmask thing. Stan also took quite a few videos of his brother Primarchs, though very often he had to conceal the camera or lie about its function (Fulgrim, however, insisted he upload it to Fulgrim's SpaceYouTube channel immediately)

The videos survive to this day, thanks in no small part to Techmarine Jon Bovi, who has served faithfully at Stan's side for over eight hundred years. Through an ancient and mystical art known as 'uploading everything to a few hard drives and then keeping them free from water or excessive temperatures,' Jon Bovi works hard to ensure that the massive work of Stan is not wasted. Rather then hide this work, or allow access to only a select few, Stan encourages his Sons to regularly visit the archives and watch the videos, making only request that they give each video they watch a five-star rating.

As a result of all this, the Sons of Stan are completely free of any form of traditional Imperium mysticism. They don't worship their weapons, or any other random pieces of machinery. They understand that computers don't have souls, and that applying oils and unguents to electrical systems is typically a bad idea (and, as Stan says, "What the fuck is an 'unguent' anyway? Does anyone actually know?") They are allowed to practice a religion if they see fit; those that do are typically Buddhist. They view the Emperor as a decent kind of guy; flawed, like all Humans, but someone who genuinely tried to do something nice for Mankind, and for his kids, even after that messy divorce.

That being said, the Sons withhold no criticism from anyone, be he the Emperor or a Primarch. At the end of the day, they argue, it was their flair for the dramatic and completely disproportionate responses to conflict that doomed the galaxy to its current state. If Horus had of just trusted the God-Emperor of Humanity for a few decades, instead of completely losing his shit the minute He was out of the picture...if Leman Russ and Magnus had just sat down like adults and discussed their issues...if the Emperor could have just tell Logar that he didn't enjoy being worshipped as opposed to blowing up an entire city, the entire Heresy could have been avoided.

Being so opposed to this kind of behavior, it is no wonder that the battle cry of the Sons of Stan remains, to this day, "Get over yourself!"

"In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war, an eternity of slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods. I'm telling you man, this is a really shitty time to be alive." -Primarch Stan Wolkowski, Sons of Stan

Last edited by SonOfStan; 02-26-11 at 06:00 PM.
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-27-11, 05:07 PM
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BURN THE HERETIC

common sense is not needed truces are not needed forgiveness is not needed we only need war.

it would not be a very interesting game

on the roll of 6 the Sons of Stan make a peace treaty and the game is a draw


For all who want to know you get this from magic the gathering



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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-02-11, 08:53 AM
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blaming the 'machine spirit' is not right. havnt humanity heard of 'the good workman does not blame his tools'?
the night before a great battle on the muddy field of mudville, two companies of space marines prepare...

the generic company space marine, after a prayer, cradles his bolter, and kisses his power armor good night. singing lallaby, and offering the last of his rashions, the space marine begins reading from dr. seuss.

meanwhile, a son of stan cleans his bolter from the mud, maintains his power armour (according to the manuel) and recharges whatever power suply is attached. he eats the last of his rashons, and listens to his ipod before drifting off to sleep; confident in his equipments efficiency.

lol, who will have the better working machinery in the morning?
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-14-11, 02:37 AM Thread Starter
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-BATTLE PHILOSOPHY-

Yes, we’re wearing camoflauge, and no, no one is allowed to run around the battlefield with a huge banner sticking out of their powerpack.” - Primarch Stan Walkowski, prior to the 756th Battle for the Humduffle System

Space Marines represent the absolute pinnacle of Mankind’s ability to make war. As superior to the common man as the common man is to a stuffed elephant, a single squad of Marines is capable of holding their own against forces ten or more times their size. Seeing Marines at war can be a frightening thing; the sheer brutality of their weapons, coupled with the shock of their close assault, can make the most hardened mortal veteran wince.

The Sons of Stan are little different in this regard. However, as always, their hallmark usage of common sense (as well as overall lack of resources from the Imperium at large) has resulted in the creation of several specialist units that don’t exist in other Chapters, as well as tactics that many chapters might find to be extremely unorthodox.

--Dreadnaughts--

Tech-Marine Jon Bovi felt his heart leap at the sight before him. Hauled up from the very depths of the Battle Barge upon which the Sons plied through the Warp, the mighty dreadnaught stood immobile, leaning heavily upon the taunt chains used to pull it up. The form of the revered one was dark, its occupant still slumbering, dreaming dreams of ancient war and eternal conflict. The clean perfection of its armor belied the ten thousand thousand conflicts it had seen in its centuries of service to Mankind.

The Space Marine stepped forward to stand only inches away from the great man-machine. With appropriate humility and reverence, Brother Bovi began the sacred Ritual of Awakening.

“Frank. Hey, Frank.” He rapped loudly on one of the glass view-ports with his knuckles. “Wake the fuck up. We got shit to do.”


----------

The Sons of Stan believe that, when one of their number has been so horrifically damaged that not even his semi-demi-god healing abilities can save him, it’s typically not the best idea to drug him, lop off his arms and legs, shove a bunch of wires into his back/brain/stomach/up his ass in order to stuff him into a giant Power Ranger Zord-looking thing, and then tell him that he’s trapped there until he can finally find something big enough to kill him (again) The Sons argue that this is an extremely dick move, and say that most dreadnaughts absolutely loathe every moment of that sort of existence (contrary to the ‘no seriously, we all live to serve!’ propaganda continually spewed out by other Chapters)

So it is that, when a Son gets his face cut in half by a Hive Tyrant, or his ass shot off by a railgun, they are instead very easily interred into the fairly fashionable dreadnaughts maintained by Tech-Marine Jon Bovi. These walking tanks still utilize the placental sac interface so favored by other Chapters; rather then needlessly ripping out their eyes in order to implant an ocular interface, however, a simple visor is placed over the Son’s eyes. Their naked limbs are attached to several different sensors, which allow them to quickly and effectively move the mighty arms and legs of the chassis. Keeping with the Son’s tradition, mutilation, dismemberment and drugging is kept to an appropriate minimum.

Unlike the dreadnaughts of other Chapters, the revered ones of the Sons rarely go into a catatonic sleep to be woken only when needed in time of war. This is seem to be extremely lame by most of them, as living in a giant invulnerable metal can opens up a whole new world of activities. When not on campaign, the four dozen or so dreadnaughts employed by the Sons of Stan can be seen strolling through the ship’s Zen gardens, delicately paging through the ancient copies of Atlas Shrugged and Cosmopolitan Magazine in the Library, and having break-dancing competitions with the crew in the alleyway behind the old bait shop on the lower 14th level. The Sons of Stan not confined to a dreadnaught (or ‘sardined’ as they call it) view their heroic brethren with a mixture of respect, admiration, and as a huge source of humor. It is a rare day indeed that a ‘sardined’ Son doesn’t find his mighty iron feet tied together with chains when he wasn’t looking, or has an insulting slogan scrawled on his back in spray paint while lumbering down the halls ( ‘I <3 Heretics’ is always a favorite, along with ‘I Powerfist Daemonettes’ and ‘If I Only Had a Heart’) On their end, the sardined ones take all of this extremely good naturedly, and usually respond by going to the offender’s barracks room and voiding their waste chutes all over the place.

In battle, Stan makes heavy use of these warriors. Since their sanity rarely (if ever) degrades over time, they are just as lucid and cynical as the day they became his Sons. Equipped with standard ranged and close combat weaponry, a well-timed charge from the Sardines of Stan can absolutely obliterate even the most well-entrenched enemy, and the sight of one of the greatest heroes of a Space Marine Chapter coming on at full speed while blaring showtunes through its vox-speaker system is enough to shake the faith of even the most devoted Chaos worshipper.

"In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war, an eternity of slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods. I'm telling you man, this is a really shitty time to be alive." -Primarch Stan Wolkowski, Sons of Stan
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-16-11, 09:36 PM
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Is there no end to this HERESY?!?
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