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post #1 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-27-11, 12:49 PM Thread Starter
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Default THE IMPERIUM TONIGHT - all the latest news from across the galaxy!

THE IMPERIUM TONIGHT
ALL THE LATEST NEWS FROM ACROSS THE GALAXY


LATEST HEADLINES


• Daemon Prince of Khorne sues Inquisition
Gul’Thurg, Flayer Of Souls has filed a suit against the Inquisition for 'oppressing his right to personal religious freedom of expression' after a squad of Grey Knights ended his killing spree on Eprion Sextus, in which over 400 people were killed and exsanguinated. Garg the Butcher, representing Gul’Thurg, described the Grey Knights’ actions as ‘just another example of the unjustified violence directed against us on a regular basis. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!’ The Inquisition were unavailable for comment.

Video interview with Gul’Thurg available. Warning – contains images that may be disturbing.

• New Orkish search engine WAAAGHOO! causes problems
On the night it goes live, Ork-only search engine Waaaghoo! has already caused chaos on the net as over 800 million Orks all search for 'Da Inturnet' simultaneously, crashing the net across the entire Calixis Sector.

• Slaaneshi priest accused over porn charges
Sleer The Licentious, accused by his congregation of downloading 7,000 terabytes of porn in the last year, apologises for slacking and says he'll try to download more. A spokesperson for Sleer’s temple said ‘it’s just about standards, really, we...er...y’know. Standards. Gotta keep up, like, those...like...wait...what was I saying? Woo...’ before passing out in a drug-induced stupor.

Video interview removed by the Ordo Hereticus.

• Imperium Tonight sues Ordo Hereticus for ‘excessive censorship’

Story removed by the Ordo Hereticus.

• Adepta Sororitas takes record forty-eighth title
And in sports news, the annual Inter-Segmentum Scrumball Championships have been won by the Adepta Sororitas for a record forty-eighth time, after complaints of excessive on-pitch violence by the team during their final game against the Kasrkin were dismissed by Canoness de Sade. A strong last-minute challenge from the Tyranids failed after they forfeited their last match by eating the ball, the referee, the opposing team and over 400 of the spectators.

Video of the final match between the Adepta Sororitas and the Kasrkin available. Warning – contains images that may be disturbing.


_____


The ever-growing horde of Death Guard: Pandemic
Nurgle Daemons army: Angels of Disease
Death Guard fiction: 'Incursion'
Nurgle 101 Tutorial

THE IMPERIUM TONIGHT #1, #2, #3
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post #2 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-27-11, 01:05 PM
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LOL Nice, thinking about doing this often?
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post #3 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-27-11, 01:09 PM
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Very funny! I especially like the first one about the Daemon Prince suing the Inquistion. Classic!

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post #4 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-27-11, 01:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Svartmetall View Post
• Imperium Tonight sues Ordo Hereticus for ‘excessive censorship’

Story removed by the Ordo Hereticus.
Lol...
& Lol @ the porn one too...

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post #5 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-27-11, 01:46 PM
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This saved my day! Your a genius! + rep! You must do more of this stuff, seriously, a lot more! I demand more!

[Flerden] 9:05 pm: Why the hell can't he just go offline if he goes to watc tv?
[dark angel] 9:06 pm: It is Doelago, we will never know
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post #6 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-27-11, 04:05 PM
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That as funny and made my day Svart! +rep.

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post #7 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-27-11, 04:12 PM
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That was pretty damn good mate, you should do more
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post #8 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-27-11, 04:12 PM
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I loved every bit of it... the nid part really funny

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post #9 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-27-11, 05:15 PM
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You should make one of these every week.
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post #10 of 24 (permalink) Old 01-27-11, 05:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Necrosis View Post
You should make one of these every week.
Yes! Very clever! Great Job Svartmetall!
+rep to you!
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