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post #3 of (permalink) Old 12-12-10, 12:38 PM
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Ultra111's Flag is: England
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Spixworth, Norwich
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It's coming along nicely mate.

I would stop adding extra days for a while, and explain your feelings a bit more. For instance, what was so exciting about day 10's fighting? Expand on the battle a bit more, use descriptive words to explain the scene.

I have no idea what the planet looks like bar a few tree's and lakes, or who the person writing the diary is. You should start the whole thing off with something like...
+++ Private Joseph Martins +++
+++ Trooper Task Force 141 +++
+++ 42nd Cadian Regiment +++

Data log: Planet Scelus; death world
Mission objective: Recon the area; eliminate any resistance.

See what I mean? Gives the story more character and I now know more about the person writing the diary.

Keep up the good work though
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