Ok, so as you have asked, here is a little criticism that I have with this part.
I understood the plot of this little cut and I am deeply interested. Good job and keep at it. Don't worry about this critique, for I too fall for these mistakes once in a while.
Thanks for the comment!
I will try to avoid to many mistakes like that in the next one...
[Flerden] 9:05 pm: Why the hell can't he just go offline if he goes to watc tv?
[dark angel] 9:06 pm: It is Doelago, we will never know