Thanks for critisism there Boc, that was exactly what i was looking for. I see exactly what you mean and have noticed these myself before I posted and more now that i have been party to your opinion.
As to the over-description, i have recieved the same critique from others but up to a point, i kind of like it. As the story has progressed i have begun to tone it down a little but not overly so. I will have to see what it looks like later on.
I'll be posting more up as you suggested as it really does lift the spirits to gain feedback. A brief question, should i post it up on a seperate post or just carry it on here?