Its interesting, but the dialogue seems to play out more like guardsmen than space marines; especially young space marine scouts and an older sergeant.
I don't know, but that made it harder for me to get into the story; it just didn't feel right. Also, why would this team of snipers have four heavy weapons? Are the Stone Judges a very codex divergent chapter or something?
This is supposed to be a "special ops" type mission. I'm going to explain why in the after action report by Sergeant Cragg. I think my reading the Gaunt's Ghosts series at the moment is bleeding through, as I haven't really read what Space Marine dialogue is like.