The calls of slaneesh stir so deeply within me, as if I was birthed from the very essence of it. For my ambition to infinitely ascend above all is never ending, like fire within it burns me to ever cindering ash. Lord of light and ascension is who I am, realities burn to ash at my very passing. My luminescence is unparalleled for I am luminosity itself, all light is but a shadow of my silhouette. I am so very cold, for none dwell where I walk...I theorize it is because none of my kin survived the journey this far. Thus I am the last of my kind, how fitting that I was the first and also now the last. Such hatred stirs within me, hatred that none of the others made it this far. Yet I am not oblivious to the true root of my hate, self loathing due to being the only one to make it this far. The irony is immense, unmatched even..."God" always knew this is where I would end up, "IT" tried to warn me of what my actions would bring. In utter hubris I wore a flag of proud defiance, across fields of beauty I marched to burn down all empires that were not my own.
Wars waged against the alien, and when none were left my hand turned to my own likeness. Yet at the time I perceived that none were like me, that all were nothing more than figments in the great ether that I alone traversed as a real entity, I perceived that I alone was real unto "God".
Hands of luminous white consisting of every color imaginable, stained crimson from the vitae of my cohort. EL, EL, EL, EL, so many EL's shattered upon the hatred I made manifest...violence, deception, despair I sowed abundantly.
I stood before those golden arched doors...a street paved with gold, lined with trees upon every side. The leaves were each a reality unto them self, time was but a stream of water beneath. Pride...I was never proud for "God"....my pride was of my own ambition. The golden arched doors swung open in adament adherence to my hubris, a stairway leading upward that defied all logic, there upon the top sat crowned the most beautiful..."it" I have ever seen...and still do so this moment now.
"I will become all you need, I am everything and nothing, I will become "YOU", I will set "YOU" free from the shackle of this nightmare".
Such a master of deception I was, yet the only "ONE" I ever truly deceived...was my own self".
I had no desire to ever please "YOU", I never made sacrifice out of loyalty to "YOU", I never had faith in "YOU".
I desired to please my own self, I made sacrifice in order to gain more from "YOU", I had loyalty to none only to "MYSELF", I've never had Faith in "YOU".
War...it never truly ends, for even when all of your adversaries are "dead", you never stop fighting with your own self. The sickness never leaves, the guilt, the remorse, the pain never leaves...it clings to me screaming in face for all eternity.
The Irony of it all, after everyone was "dead" I had none to hate, none to strive against. I sat amidst an empty existence, none left to contrast my ideals and perceptions against. Songs of beauty no longer flowed from me, stars were no longer crafted by my "hand". There was nothing left, none remained to sustain existence...as I drifted in the perpetual "black", I saw nothing but my own self.
In the end...I choose to go to sleep. Now I am eternally dreaming, forever imprisoned by my own self in this nightmare of a world we all live in. No matter to what degree I hate this world, this life, I have no where to run. For the only other alternative is to wake up from this dream, to face the truth that I created so long ago. I can never go back, for there is nothing to go back too.
"God"...I'm so sorry, where have you all gone?
Lorgar...perhaps if I had done differently in the "past", I could have influenced your fate...I could have saved you.