How to tell if YOU are one of the missing primarchs
This is a public service announcement for my fellow warhammer40k fans. At one point or another we've all wondered if we were a missing primarch. But how does one tell? Here's a helpful list to tell you if indeed YOU are one of the Emperors missing sons.
1. Are you like 12 to 14 foot tall?
2. Did you crash land on this planet in some sort of weird gestating pod?
3. Do you own a suit of armor with giant horned nipples?
4. Do you often feel the need to go ape shit all over your siblings till their half dead?
5. Did someone hammer some sort of weird anger enhancing device into your skull that no one understands?
6.If you stand really still can you go invisible?
7. Do you have an identical twin running around with the other half of your soul?
8. Do you have angel wings? (Check carefully, a mirror may be required)
9.Are you a master of siege warfare?
10. Do you own a giant star fortress? (Protip: look in the garage)
11. Are you a spiritual liege?
12.Are you horrible at interpersonal relationships with your siblings and peers?
13.Do you have giant ass canines?
14.Have you ever heard the mad laughter of dark and thirsting gods?
15. Has Aaron Dembski Bowden ever written a book about you.
If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, Congratulations, you sir are a Primarch.