Sum' orky stuff, an' den sum! (UPDATE, 7th February)
Oy! Youz! Yeah, youz, da 'umiez at da komputa' bitz!
The first fanfic, *Savin' stuff, da orky way!*, can be found on pages 1 and 2.
It's sequeal, *Da green kruseid*, is on pages 2 and higher.
Chapta' 1 - Ol' habitz die 'ard
From: Marnus Ekladam
To: High Inquisitor Lordeal
Subject: Your requested report
Emperor be praised!
You gave me the honour of writing a report about the events that recently transpired upon the planet of Akhalam VI. After investigating the events and their outcome, I have come to the conclusion that the ork warband on the planet won't cause trouble. Not for some time, at least.
Let me briefly inform you about the events. Tell you, how ork warboss Nagosh Ubzug and his warband helped save the planet itself.
It was a nice sunny day around the ork fort... camp... thing.
Uncountable boyz were running here and there, preparing for the fight at hand. Except for one. He ran to the boss' hut. He nudged, hit or even tackled many boyz. Responses like these could be heard:
“Wotch wer ya goin!”
“I'z gunna get yo 'ead lata!
He was used to that. And he didn't care, since the boyz will probably forget that stuff pretty soon. Flashgit Gobroz was smart enough to know that.
He had been considered “un-orky”. Even more than the other flashgits. After the Big Mek, he was the smartest boy in the fort. Smartboy... or smart git, they called him. He knew the difference between the two only too well.
He reached a big hut, on which there was a sign. It said “De Boss”. The grot that wrote the thing stood there watching it. The grot knew something wasn't right.
“Oy,” the grot turned, “dat shud say DA Boss!”
“I will fix it right away! Pleaze, don't tell 'im!”
He entered the hut. There, warboss Nagosh Ubzug stood. He was looking at a make-shift map of the area.
Nagosh was large, even by ork standards. His left leg was still organic, but the other one was cybernetic. Injuries. His right arm was replaced with a huge kustom shoota. Request from the boss. 'No boss iz complete without big shoota!' he used to say. His other weapon was a gigantic chain choppa. Mek had fun with a humie weapon.
'Course, every boss has a banner of his band or clan, no? The banner was currently hung on a wall. Blue, with a black skull and badly drawn foot over it. 'Da Skull smashaz.'
Nagosh didn't wear horns. He said they were 'Uncomfar... Uncomfuri... wot was da word?”'
“Oy! Flashgit Gobroz! Wot ya doin 'ere?” The boss never called him Gobroz. Only flashgit Gobroz. No one in the whole fort knew why. But he got used to it.
“I'z got newz, boss. Sum git made da trukk blue!”
“I told da meks ta do dat!”
“Blue onez go fasta!”
“Wot? RED onez go fasta!”
“You'z right! GROT!”
The gretchin that was fixing the sign fell of his ladder. Gobroz didn't want to know how the sign looked now.
“Go to da meks. Tell dem dat da trukk haz to be RED.”
The gretchin left. Several orks almost stepped on him.
“Drakk'z nervous, eh?”
Nagosh was a strange warboss. He liked grots. For dinner, or otherwise. The boyz didn't like it at first, but they soon got used to it. Gobroz just knew this whole warband was a bit weird. Drakk, for instance, is probably the longest-living grot in the galaxy. He wasn't used as a bomb pilot, dinner, in dok experiments, simply nowhere fatal.
“I'z got da perfect plan, flashgit Gobroz!”
“Wot plan, boss?”
“Dis time, we'z gunna attack da humiez right 'ere!”
Gobroz looked at the point where Nagosh was looking. He wasn't the least bit surprised. But it still filled him with dread.
“Yeh. Dey's not gunna expectz it!”
Gobroz wanted to show a sign of protest. But he knew the boss was too stubborn. He sighed.
“Yeh, boss. Wot shud I do?”
“Let'z see... make sure da trukk is red... and tell da boyz we'z goin in five hourz!”
“Are they coming, old chap?”
“Stupid as always.”
General Alix Mosiv sat in the area's command bunker, his everyday cup of green tea next to him. Orks were right sometimes. Green IZ best! He sipped a bit and then scratched his bald head. He looked to the right.
Next to him was his best man. Commissar Anon Ymous. Strange name. Anon's short brown hair couldn't be seen through the large hat he wore. The same hat also concealed part of his face. Uniform-ordering errors can end in strange ways.
“Are the basilisks in place?”
“Just like the last twenty-three times, sir.”
Alix didn't know what kind of fool lead the orks and he didn't care. As long as the greenskins come into their firing range willingly, why complain?
The whole ork warband was on its way towards what Gobroz called “Da big field of def”. Warboss Nagosh... wasn't the brightest ork. Every time, the whole warband attacks from the same direction, and every time, almost the entire band gets wiped out.
Somehow, the boss and he always survive. Is it luck? If that existed, the boss would grow a brain larger than a squigg's and attack a different position. And Gobroz didn't see that happening in the near future.
The earth trembled a bit.
“Boss! Dey'z found us again!”
Gobroz saw Muskit. A normal slugga boy, who seemed to have the same amount of 'luck' like the boss and himself.
Nagosh was furious. As always.
“Stupid humies! They neva' let us have any fightin'!
Gobroz covered his ears as the artillery rounds hit the ground behind them. Screams, roars. It then stopped.
He looked around. He was alive. Check. The boss was alive. Check. Muskit was alive. Check.
And that was all... only the three of them survived this time.
“We'z lucky again, boss.”
Muskit had no idea how lucky.
“Yeh, I guess. Wait! Ova' der!”
The two other orks looked as uncountable guardsmen came into view.
“Wot now, boss!”
“Like before, flashgit Gobroz. We'z gunna RUN!”
Nagosh did make sense sometimes. The three turned and left 'Da big field of def' faster than Eldar ever could.
Last edited by Tau22; 02-07-10 at 03:18 PM.