Only critique is that Brynden may want to be careful with what he remembers. If memory serves me correct, the Inquisition has a tendency to execute guardsmen who remember too much (a blurb about veterans of wars against the Dark Gods comes to mind). But perhaps Inquisitorial Agents are more trustworthy.
EDIT: Just a note, but that blurb I mentioned may have been retconned since I've last seen it. It was quite some years ago, so maybe nothing to be concerned about.
I remember that blurb. I think a lot of Inquisitorial agents get extra screening to weed out the week willed, and the Inquisitor on site makes the call about thier own agents in the field. The chapter was inspired in part by a scene where an Inquisitor goes to a spiritual retreat after reading a book written by chaos sorcerers.
I thought it was important to show how hard it can be, being exposed to some of what they face. He's come out of 5 levils of intense close confines combat with half sane channelers of the warp, been baddly injured and lost a significant part of the troops he fought beside, indeed led in there.
My background is that the Inquisitor is getting on a bit, past thier physical prime. Brynden is her proxy when words aren't enough, though he isn't just muscle. She isn't aging with grace, but accepts the necessity.
I'll try and give your work a check out over the weekend