Wargaming Forum and Wargamer Forums - View Single Post - BL submission 2016 'Rejects'
View Single Post
post #10 of (permalink) Old 05-02-16, 12:10 PM
Xenocide
Junior Member
 
Xenocide's Avatar
Xenocide's Flag is: Ireland
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 26
Reputation: 2
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Emund View Post
Boy are they tough up there at BL.


Editors man. You must ensure that your prose is as pure as an Adepta Sororitas sister's devotion to Him on Terra. One mistake maybe forgiven, two mistakes may raise an eyebrow, but more will invoke exterminatus. Inevitably many will fault the hand that felled so much prose: the Ordo Editorialis. But the Black Library editors merely perform the duty of their office. To further fear them is redundant. To hate them heretical.


The signs had been there but Ahum-Waqar chose to ignore them.
The signs had been there, but Ahum-Waqar chose to ignore them.

Two, maybe three seconds had passed but it seemed like an eternity.
Two, maybe three, seconds had passed, but it seemed like an eternity.

A Rhino armoured vehicle blocked the way ahead and a hidden Chimera ...
A Rhino armoured vehicle blocked the way ahead, and a hidden Chimera ...

Chimera quickly activated the Tarantula Sentry gun in the cupola and it swivelled towards the sound.
Chimera quickly activated the Tarantula Sentry gun in the cupola, and it swivelled towards the sound.

A series of Bolter rounds bracketed the Rhino and Keplar saw his colleagues diving for cover.
A series of bolter rounds bracketed the Rhino, and Keplar saw his colleagues diving for cover.

Two, maybe three seconds had passed but it seemed like an eternity.
Two, maybe three, seconds had passed, but it seemed like an eternity.

With two independent clauses a comma is required before the coordinating conjunction.


but this adversary was different, and far-more deadly.
but this adversary was different and far-more deadly.

And this is the opposite problem. Dependent clauses don't take a comma before the conjunction.


The only way to survive is withdrawal from the killing zone the way you entered it.

This is a PoV switch from third person to second person, or maybe it's dialogue but the quotation marks are missing.


The signal was clear. Pull to the side of the road and await inspection.
The signal was clear: pull to the side of the road and await inspection (or ...was clear: Pull to the depending on the editor)


Some other typos:

A Bolter round struck the lower part of ...
A bolter round struck the lower part of ...

He pumped a single round from his shotgun into the drivers face ...
He pumped a single round from his shotgun into the driver's face ...

Black smoke began to tumble from underneath the vehicles bonnet ...
Black smoke began to tumble from underneath the vehicle's bonnet ...

Keplar wracked another round into the chamber.
Keplar racked another round into the chamber.

Keplar Pumped another round
Keplar pumped another round

Last edited by Xenocide; 05-02-16 at 10:38 PM.
Xenocide is offline  
 
 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome