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post #2 of (permalink) Old 04-13-16, 08:51 PM
Myen'Tal
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Hey, RaumAeon, welcome to the forums! I liked what you wrote here. If I had to nitpick, there's a few spelling mistakes in there, but I like said, it's nitpicking at best. Your main character, Adrianus, has character and that is a challenge you have conquered well. It's a hard task making marines likable, but I think you managed to do it well. I think your submission would have stood a better chance if it had been written from a third person point-of-view, however, since that is usually the standard.

First person is tricky, however, and this foray is concise and well put-together, overall. So props . Hope to see more from you.
--Myen

“Evil is relative…You can’t hang a sign on it. You can’t touch it or taste it or cut it with a sword. Evil depends on where you are standing, pointing your indicting finger.”
-Glen Cook, The Black Company


Tales of Heroism and Bravery, in the 41st Millennium and the Old World. Perhaps some Realm Gate Wars in the future .

Gods' Hall (Completed)
https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/...d.php?t=161618

The New Word (Completed)
https://www.heresy-online.net/forums/...d.php?t=121879
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